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He Doesn't Seem Interested!

I need a little advice and a few opinions. My husband does not seem very interested or enthusiastic about our first pregnancy. I am almost 18 weeks along and I am hoping that the 20 week ultrasound helps but I'm feeling a bit discouraged. It was an unplanned pregnancy and when I first found out I was in shock...he told me he was being reserved for my sake because I seemed so upset but I quickly fell in love with this baby and was excited about it.
Anyway, I guess one of the main things that hurt was the fact that I felt the baby kick for the first time so I ran downstairs to tell him and he was on his console. He gave me a two second glance and said "nice" before going back to shooting things...ouch. I am trying to make sure he is apart of this. I invite him to all my appointments and he does go but he rarely seems enthusiastic about those, infact he mainly does annoying things to get me all upset right before the OB comes in. I even let him know how I'm feeling if he asks...I told him my back hurts and he asks me if I want him to punch me in the stomach so I can forget about my back! Ummm....WHAT?! I know he was joking, but still. I don't understand this. He told me he was worried about being an outcast because my dad wasn't around me when I was little and it was just my mom, sister and I and we kind of shut out the men in our lives and he didn't want to be shutout but I feel like he doesn't want to be a part either!
Before you say "try telling him all this"... I have. Multiple times. I have explained my feelings about it and asked why he did not seem interested. He tells me he is and he will do better to show it, but he never really tries. I feel like I'm talking to a wall or something! I'm starting to become resentful when he does correct me now if I accidently say "my baby" or something because he doesn't even take part in anything and when he does, he just attempts to piss me off.
He gets all excited and animated over baseball games, or seeing his buddy...so why not his own baby? I get that it's not real to him like it is to me. But he doesn't even understand how real it is to me. I feel stupid to talk to the baby or read to the baby when he is around now.

Anyway, that's basically what's been going on since day 1 and I don't really know what else to do. I feel very isolated. I live thousands of miles away from all of my family, 4 hours from his and have no friends up here. Now I'm snowed in cause he won't even shovel my side of the driveway so I sit home alone all day while he works, and I sit home alone all evening while he plays the computer and his console... :(

Help? lol

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:02 PM on Feb. 3, 2011 in Pregnancy

Answers (11)
  • http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Expectant-Father/Armin-A-Brott/e/9780789205384/?itm=6&USRI=father+pregnancy+books


     


    this is a great book. helped hubby fell invovled and got him to understand how i was feeling

    knagsmom

    Answer by knagsmom at 9:06 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • SOME MEN DONT get that feeling until later or baby is born. women have the physical change and emotional. guys dont really its normal i think
    MomNbabyGirl009

    Answer by MomNbabyGirl009 at 9:09 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • First let me say congrats on your new little one. :) Men are funny creatures....to him the baby isn't real even though you are very much pregnant. Think about it....he can't see it or feel it so it just isn't "real" like it is for you- even if he sees the ultrasound it still is not like feeling the baby growing inside (know what I mean?). I promise you the minute he holds his son or daughter he will fall in love just like you have. Try to enjoy being pregnant even if he is a little standoffish....he will come around when the baby is born. :)
    candygirl1030

    Answer by candygirl1030 at 9:09 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • also tell him to shovel the drive way before u need to go somewhere in an emergnancy and he isnt there at 8 months i shovel my walkway and i got yelled at by my fil.
    knagsmom

    Answer by knagsmom at 9:10 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • First of all men dont listen when women talk..thats why we invented yelling lol. Im just kidding, anyway..it sounds to me like a defense mechasicm..you said this was unplanned? He is probably terrified and trying to "man up' because you know how men cant be 'weak" how they have to put on a show. He might be afraid of fiances, of not knowing what to do...that kinda deal..do you have a brother, or a guy that your husband and you are friends with..especially one with kids..have HIM talk to your husband...men always seem to listen to men more than women...If that doesnt work...then i say yell...say im happy for this baby coming, if your not than lets fix that, if you are than act like it! If he doesnt respond to you yelling that statement than just stay happy, he will be happy when he holds that baby, remember they say it takes men longer to be attached to a baby because they arent carrying them like women do, itll take longer
    Bobbysgurl

    Answer by Bobbysgurl at 9:11 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Hun, some guys just aren't interested in the pregnancy, it's not real to them, they can't feel what we feel, and until the can see and touch the baby it's hard for them to become emotionally attached. IMHO keep doing what you are doing, but don't expect him to become this gushy yay happy guy overnight. I was always told by my grandmother if you want someone as excited as you over a baby while you are pregnant get a girlfriend, guys don't understand. (not all guys, but most) Good Luck, Congrats, and Brightest Blessings.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 9:11 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • when i was preg with my first, my now ex didn't seem interested either. throughout my whole pregnancy he did stupid things to piss me off. he made me cry everyday. he was horrible to me!! he eventually stopped going to my dr appointments cuz he was bored. he would rather sit at home playing video games or go hang out with his friends. after the baby was born, he helped out.. but still wasn't thrilled about it. most men wont be interested in a child until the child can walk/talk and they can play with them. hope things work out and get better for you two. good luck and congrats on the baby!!
    youngmami07

    Answer by youngmami07 at 9:46 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Been there. He didn't get interested until she was about 2 years old. Hope yours does better.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:03 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Its very normal. My hubby was the same way when I was pregnant. He was away and I sent him a ultrasound picture and he didnt respond all day.. and when he finally did call he said nothing about it. I finally mentioned I had sent it and he said "what it's a baby?" And me and my pregnancy hormones went off yelling about how it wasn't just any baby it was OUR baby!! Anyway our daughter is just over a year old and she is his whole world now. He loves her so much he asks in the middle of the night if he can go get her b/c he misses her. Give it time he WILL come around : )
    Anon344

    Answer by Anon344 at 10:41 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Sounds pretty normal for most men... Its real for you because you feel your baby, your already connecting and bonding. He wont get that until your baby gets here. When he first holds he/she then he will act like a BE a "dad" I wouldnt worry about it. Stop stressing, not good for the baby. :) Ultrasound should help it sink in for him some, and finding out the sex. Just hang in there.
    sissy0604

    Answer by sissy0604 at 2:34 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

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