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5 years of marriage.... What now?

I've been married to my husband for 5 years. We're very secure in our marriage, trust, sex life, etc. We're perfect for each other. Lately, I've been getting bored and tonight I think I pushed the lines of a girl/guy friendship to far (text messaging) of coarse i wasn't intimate with my guy friend but....... we starting talking about sex, turn ons, etc. Not with each other but in general. I have to admit I am attracted to the guy. I would never leave my husband for him no. I endured 7 months of deployment and didn't cross any boundaries with my guy friend. However, tonight I may have. How do I deal with this? I didn't sleep with him, I don't intend to sleep with him but is talking about sex.... a completely simple subject (for me to talk about) with a guy I am slightly attracted to............. how bad can this get/ And if so....why don't I feel guility?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:41 AM on Nov. 16, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Don't let it even get there! Right now you might feel as if it is no big deal but it can turn into a big deal! Talk to your husband about what you are feeling. Open up the communication. If you think that the grass might be greener on the other side then start to water (and nurture) YOUR side!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:55 AM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • totally true. you dont know how fast little things become BIG things. because you didn't physically do anything, u dont feel guilty right now, but if i were you, i'd put myself in y husband's shoes. i would totally get mad if some girl started opening up a conversation like that with my husband! maybe ur just attracted to him, but maybe you pushed his feelings higher than yours. be very careful. dont risk ur husbands trust.

    Answer by fefe87 at 4:44 AM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • Talking to a person of the opposite sex, about sex because you're bored isn't a good thing. You're not just risking your relationship with your husband, you're risking your friendship. If he's never thought of you in a sexual way before, he is now. I've had some conversations come up and I've said some things and to me, it's ruined the friendship because for some stupid reason men think if we talk about sex with them then we must want to have it with them, it's our way of flirting they think...
    And doing it on any type of writing, is really chancing it because how do you know they don't show it to someone else, or that they delete them and someone's not peeking in their phone (I know a few people that do that to a family member).

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:02 AM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • would you feel comfortable having those conversations with your husband around? if you think it's something to hide, then you may have crossed a line. have a talk with your husband and figure out what you guys can do to spice things up in your life. good luck!

    Answer by MaMaLaLa369 at 8:08 AM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • My friend you are treading in dangerous water right now. If you truly value your marriage and respect your husband, you will cut off ties to this guy friend. Temptation can rear it's ugly head and before you know it, you will have done something that you can't take back. Take a step back and ask yourself if your husband had a girl friend and was chatting about these would it make you feel? Five years of marriage is just the tip of the iceberg and you'll have many, many more to go. Marriage has it's valleys and peaks you just because you're bored right now doesn't mean you'll stay that way.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:15 AM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • Bored??? Start looking for a paying job so that you can start fending for yourself if you break that trust with your husband.


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:54 AM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • I have a full paying job. I can support my daughter on my own. I don't NEED my husband, I want my husband. so you're post was completely obsurb.......I'm not a bored SAH wife with nothing better to do than talk sex with her best guy friend. I'm an independant woman as it is. I'm here b/c I want to be. Thank you very much.......

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:13 AM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • Ohhhh, I've been where you are. This situation can escalate. I would apologize to your guy friend and tell him that the conversation was inappropriate and it won't happen again. Make SURE it won't. There are certain boundaries when you have a guy friend that you don't cross. You teetered. Come back over to the light side, we have better cookies.

    Answer by SkyeGirl at 10:47 AM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • There is a CM group for cyber affairs. You can get support there and help understanding how these relationships can affect your feelings and influence your real life marrage/relationship. No bashing. Just helping you figure things out and make the decisions that are right for you without guilt.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:13 AM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • your treading on thin ice. Cut ties with this guy and focus on your marraige. If your board, join a womans group, or get a part time job. Something to fule your intrest an time. And talk to your husband about spiceing up your life together. Perhaps you could do something together.

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 12:28 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

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