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Why do i have to make my daughter go?

My DD has visitation with her dad every other weekend and every time she knows she has to go she throws a fit. She is eight and i know its not because of neglect by her dad. She doesnt wanna go cause of his new wife. I dont know why she doesnt like her she just doesnt... well one... because she talks bad about me and DD hears it. I have talked to her dad about the issue and he says he will put a stop to it. She is only 8 and i have to make her go per state visitation guidelines but it tears me up to make her go. I can afford to take him back to court, so what do i do!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:32 PM on Feb. 3, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • I would have a grown up meeting. All adults in the same room and discuss the problem. ____ is not comfortable with you. She feels like you are picking on me, which is you prerogative but____ doesn't need to hear it. I don;t talk down about you to her I would appreciate it if you would keep your complaints about me behind closed doors. Like me or not your are hurting our child. You are her step mother and I would love for the two of you to get to be friends but this is not working. What can we do to fix this problem.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:40 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • He is her daughter too. Unfortunately, your dd is going to have to get use to her stepmom. I would tell your ex that he needs to tell his wife, ' if she doesn't have anything nice to say, keep her mouth shut' :)
    BabyBugsmama

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 10:48 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • i have tried being nice and friendly to the "new" wife. she isnt having it. She sees no reason why we should be friends, but has a comment to make when its none of her concern with my daughter. I do not put ex or his wife down in front of her... i know its hard enough on her having to slipt her time with both of us in different houses. i just want her to be a happy child even if we are divorced parents.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:49 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Agree. Step mom obviously doesn´t like you, fine, she shouldn´t let your child see that. Another possibility is maybe SM is "weird" towards DD because she reminds her of you? Not necessarily mean, but ... I don´t know how to explain it... curt? blunt? Dry? a mix if all these?
    Belovedmoonpixi

    Answer by Belovedmoonpixi at 10:49 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • I know she has to go... i also have a legal dergee so i know that i have to make her go.... but i dont have to like it nor do i agree with it. There is much to this story that i am leaving out but she just isnt happy going there due to several things and i just dont know what to do short of taking him to court. It is just upsetting sometimes to see her so unhappy when she goes and knowing she is upset at me for making her
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:53 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • The step mom knows nothing about me, other then what she hears from the ex, and i know he probably says bad things too. the step mom loves my Dd according to my ex. my dd doesnt like her. what do you mean by curt, dry and blunt? i never speak to her, everything is done thur ex like it should be.. My daughter is SO not like me!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:59 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • My step-mother and I didn't get along until I was grown. Probably over the last few years. We rarely saw each other, and a big part of that was my own resentment. Your daughter may have resentment toward this step mom for taking up time that she could be spending with her father, or she could be upset her father isn't with you. I suggest a meeting between the adults, where EVERYONE will be polite, and perhaps some counselling?
    mrskrisher

    Answer by mrskrisher at 11:02 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • i do know that when she goes she doesnt get time with just him. It all has to be family time with everyone and that really upset my daughter cause she sees it that he spend everyday all day with her and her kids. Well that too is an issue cause he led her to believe we were getting back together and the next time he saw her he got engaged that night. she is just very upset that she has to go!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:11 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • It's very apparent that your daughter isn't happy when she is there. Have you talked to a lawyer to see if you can get the child visitation changed to where your child can get a say so? She's only 8 but she's very aware of what is going on. Her step-mom shouldn't be saying things like that with her around, no wonder she gets so upset. She really needs to tell her father how she feels without the step-mom being in the same place or room. She shouldn't have to go through that. The hatred she has now is going to continue to grow as she gets older. Things need to be addressed before it's too late.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:51 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

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