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How do i tell my boys about mommy and daddy no longer together?

I am in the process of divorcing their father we separated in may 10 since June they live with my parents since my stbxh and i were being evicted from our home. my parents took my kids in until i can get a place of our own...since then my oldest asks about daddy and i do not know how to answer this topic. he has only seen the boys 5 times since the separation and every time he comes to town he does not even attempt to see them he goes to the bar instead. we both have moved on i am currently in a relationship with another man and in the process of moving in with him he has met my kids and my boys adore him...but how do i go about the questions my curious 4 year old is going to ask? My current boyfriend s there and i do not expect him to b their new dad but I want him in their lives as the boys are a big part of mine how do we go about becoming a better and happier family?

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darthvaderzmom

Asked by darthvaderzmom at 11:27 PM on Feb. 3, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 3 (25 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Thats hard. Maybe try to truth? No reason to lie about it. I know 4 is still so young but they will find out sooner or later. Sucks that he doesnt try to come around more. :( Best of luck
    kiansmom0423

    Answer by kiansmom0423 at 11:29 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • The truth, at their level. I have a very delicate situation. I was married for 7 and a half years, hubby then came out of the closet. I was shattered and a good friend "caught me on the rebound" ... now I have DD. She knows I was married to W, but that she is B.´s daughter. At her level, she knows things just didn´t work out between W and I and that rather than hurt each other, we decided to separarte, dviorce and be friends.
    Belovedmoonpixi

    Answer by Belovedmoonpixi at 11:34 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • You tell them that you and Daddy both love them very much, and that will NEVER EVER change. But, that for grownup reasons that they are too young to understand, and that have nothing to do with them, Mommy and Daddy don't love each other like a husband and wife anymore. That doesn't mean that they don't both still love them, but it does mean that you won't all be living together anymore. That they will get to ___ (explain where they will live).

    If the problem is alcohol or drugs or something, and you really need to give them a reason, you could try something like "Daddy loves you very much, but right now, he's having a hard time, making choices that are not good for your family, and that it's important for Mommy to make better choices that are good for the family, and that means not living with Daddy.

    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 11:46 PM on Feb. 3, 2011

  • Keep it simple. Stick to the facts. YOu don't live together anymore. Avoid the emotional stuff behind the situation. Remind him his Dad is still out there and that he can call him if he wants. If dad is unreliable about visiting avoid the topic all-together. GEt him focused on the plan ahead if it is to move in with your new guy. If your son is emotional remind him that where you live doesn't change who you love. Give him examples, you don't live with uncle bob but you still love him. You don't live with the neighbors dog Fifi but you still love her. Do not tell your child that his father is doing bad things, making bad choices etc. If you feel the need to adress this issue simply say that he is making decisions for him and you are making decisions for you and the kids.
    GoldenLinds

    Answer by GoldenLinds at 1:14 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • No matter what, make sure they both know ITS NOT THEIR FAULT, and that both daddy and mommy love them and that will never change. You may have to deal with questions, and tears, and other things for a few years until they get adjusted....it may TAKE a while, but they will adjust. Just make sure you make the best of your time with them and dont talk negativly about their dad in front of them, They will start to undestand things when they get older.
    OurHeartsAwait

    Answer by OurHeartsAwait at 1:16 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

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