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9 Bumps

Step daughter ruining our marriage...

I have been with my husband for 7 years... the first 3 years were WONDERFUL ... we had a perfect life together.

I have 2 younger children with my first husband, and I waited until they went to school and then I became a beautician - my dream career... To me it was life changing because I went from a not so great relationship ( we are good friends now though ) and we were constantly struggling for money -- I really just didnt have a life before.... and i always looked towards the future thinking things would be better... My schedule is great because I dont have to go towork until after I drop my kids off at school, and I get off right before I pick them up and I make VERY good money - We COULD be living comfortably.


Anyways... My husband has a daughter from his previous marriage when we got married she was 14 and we got along great, I love her and i really seen her as my daughter ( not a step daughter) .... she lived with us most of the time because her mother lives far away and she went to school here. But then she went to her moms for a whole summer and when she came back she was different.... she started doing drugs, drinking, partying and most of all she came back PREGNANT .

Now I had always planned that if one of my kids got pregnant, i would be there and help them in any way I could ( i afterall was a teen mom too ) ... When we first found out we had a talk and we told her we will help her in every way, we were going to convert our master bedroom to a living space for her and the baby, and I was going to take time off work to take care of the baby so she could finish work.... but , 2 weeks after she had the baby she was gone .... leaving days at a time and then weeks at a time.

So my husband and I got custody of the baby.... a year later we also got custody of her second baby ... 10 months after that - 3rd baby..... and now of course she believes she is pregnant again.

With the first baby, I had no problems taking care of it, honestly I loved taking care of a baby...

I love all of them but it is just getting so hard. My husband and I fight all the time, we are so stressed and so in need of money ... I am basically taking care of all 5 kids by myself ( he works as long as he can and then comes home and works in the garage) ... He continues to give his daughter money and says nothing to her when she only sees the kids MAYBE once a month.

But the kicker came the other day ... she finally came to visit ( for about 20 mintues) and she brought her new boyfriend... hey were just sitting her talking about their income taxes, and she was talking bout how much money she is getting ( over $5000) and so I told her " Well since you are getting so much it would be nice if you could buy your children a few things" ... and she actually said " no! if you want to be raising them, you can be payin' for them" ..... so of course I told her ( in so many words) that she is not aloud back in this house and she needs to keep her legs closed because we cant afford anymore of her selfishness . .....my husband took up for her !!!

I feel so guilty but I just cant help but think that I am being selfish to my own kids... I planned this life for them, we could be living in a nice house where they dont have to share rooms and have to have second-hand everything -- I worked to hard to live like this and I am tired of living with a man who expects me to work all day and still raise 5 kids ( maybe soon to be 6 ) without any help and even though I have had the last 3 of them since they were only weeks old, they cant even call me mommy, ( I am not even 35, but he wants them to call me mamaw... but I think that is too confusing since I have my young kids calling me mom, and then the babies calling me mamaw) ... He also tells me that they will go back to her ..

But then of course I feel even more stuck because what can we do with the babies, he cant take care of them and she wont and I dont want them going to god knows who .. I just dont know what to do !!

Also my keybarod is sticing and I am very upset and tired so excuse the bad typing

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:46 AM on Feb. 4, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (16)
  • IF you have her children and she is claiming them that is against the law. You all should be getting that money and if it was me I'd be calling the IRS. Its probably to late this year but next year YOU and your husbnd need to file. Im so sorry this has brought so much strife on your life.
    mistynights234

    Answer by mistynights234 at 12:57 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I would agree to NOT take any more of her responsibility for her.  Um, yeah, wouldn't be letting my hub give her any more money either.  You have custody of the children, you claim them on your taxes.  I commend you for having the strength to raise her children.  I know it's hard but maybe it would be a lot easier if you husband would quit enabling her and for you guys to just cut ties period. 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 1:02 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I'm sorry you are having such a tough time...I give you props for being a mom to her babies plus your own I don't know if i wiuld have been such a big person about the situation...is there anyway you can go after her or the father of the kids for child support??
    MissLacey

    Answer by MissLacey at 1:05 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • sounds like she has no respect for you or your husband. Is her mom a no count so you don't want them to go to her? If not I would send them there but you probably already have a bond with them and them with you. I would defiantly call irs and report her for claiming them that money should be going to you!!! good luck!!!
    Candie2008

    Answer by Candie2008 at 1:42 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I don't know for sure if u can get child supportm although u probably can, but I have a IRS form I found and here is what it says:
    RS Deduction

    Regardless of any custody agreement, or court order the IRS has it's own definition of who the custodial parent is. Section 152(e)(4) defines custodial parent as the parent having custody for the greater portion of the calendar year and noncustodial parent as the parent who is not the custodial parent. If you feel that the mother may challenge this, or attempt to claim the child as well you can also double cover your back by having the Mom fill out form 8332, which basically says "I am the custodial parent of this child, and I am giving up my rights to claim the child this year. It can be found at http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/f8332.pdf

    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 1:43 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • >>>>>>The IRS rule is that if you have the child for more than half of the year, and they literally mean 183 days, you are the custodial parent. Time spent in Day Care and/or School is deducted from the total.
    http://child_support_tax_considerations.childsupportrights.org

    I hope this helps. Maybe the money she thinks she will get will go to u instead. I am waiting for my bff who is a practicing family atty to call me back if u need more info or anything.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 1:46 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Did u and your husband adopt the children?
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 1:56 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Your husband isn't dealing with her and the kids enough I'd say. He can't see how hard it is when he's in the garage. Ask him for help more. Tell him you need time with the BIG kids alone some night. Let hm babysit. I say talk to your hubby about letting her take the kids some -tell him she needs to step in so she can learn to take care of them...one thing I was told by a counselor when my ex got visitation and he was an awful dad was look at the worse that can happen. Is she going to hurt them? You need to accept if you will step up and not gripe for their safety or if it's really ok for her to take them some, or if you care...Let her dad worry about it all since he's "running the show". If she brings them back hungry or dirty he needs to see it w/o you pointing it out. He needs to be shocked. good luck! Step kids are hard to deal with since they are perceived as "judged alot"( my hubby's point of view)
    Momchipomkids

    Answer by Momchipomkids at 2:39 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • your husband needs to grow some BALLS!!! and a BACKBONE!!!! if it were me doing all of that, my bags would be packed so fast!!!
    and your sd needs to be spayed!
    i do commend you for doing what youre doing, BUT you have to think of your children first! its not fair to them to have you work your ass off to give them the life they deserve to just have ripped from them b/c of your douche of a husband and his slut of a daughter!
    im not bashing you by any means, but that is rediculous! !
    you need to stand up for yourself and you children. biological and "adopted". if she is gonna be in their life, be in it, if not, go fly a kite!

    good luck to you mom, and put your foot down!
    i would tell your dh if he keeps giving her money, he can go live with her and her new baby daddy......
    mama2bof2

    Answer by mama2bof2 at 10:56 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • If you have had custody of the children for more than half of the year than you are the one who should be claiming them on the taxes, not her. Personally, I would consider reporting her. She sounds like a low life irresponsible young girl and needs a wake up call. She should be paying you child support and I would be taking her ass to court. I would also be giving your dh an ultimatim. Make the daughter take resposibility by either taking her children back or take her to court to get some financial help or maybe you two needs to separate for awhile. Sorry to be so blunt, but your situation is a bunch of BS and you and your kids do not deserve this. If his dd doesn't want to raise these kids than she should give up her rights and move on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

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