My daughter Jenna was stillborn when I was exactly 34 weeks pregnant. It was due to a lot of the fact that my boyfriend and my dad were hitting me, and I had started passing out and having seizures as a result of stress and head trauma. That isn't really part of her story that I like to dive into. I know now that I should've gone for help before I did. It just never occured to me that she'd die. I have so many regrets now. And I just miss her so much.
My question mainly is, does she know that I didn't mean to let her die? I believe in Jesus, and heaven, and the prospect of something more. But I just don't know. Am I a terrible mother and person for letting this happen to her? I was only 16. I was naive and afraid. But that's still not an excuse. I let my child die. Recently, I've also been doing a lot of research into abortion, and the baby can feel pain at 12 weeks. Did Jenna hurt? Was her last moment of life spent in pain? Is it my fault? And does she know that I didn't mean for it to turn out this way? Does she know that I love her and I still cry for her every day? Is it okay that I'm not over this.. and it'll be 2 years in April? And lastly, do I still have the right to call myself her mother?
I have so many questions that I can't answer. No one understands how badly this still hurts me. I should have a little girl here with me, and I don't. I loved her more than myself, and yet, I couldn't save her. Why am I here and she isn't?
I just need to know that she's okay now. I just need to know that maybe I can be okay. :/ That's all it is, really.
Answer by mistynights234 at 12:54 AM on Feb. 4, 2011
You can't blame yourself for what has been done already. DO NOT torture yourself. Hell it was torture for me just to read this. You were a child. Everyone can look back and say "shit, I should have done this..... should have done that". No, you should never be "over" it. Who actually "gets over" the loss of a child. You were a VICTIM! A VICTIM! Don't be made into a victim again by torturing yourself.
Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 12:58 AM on Feb. 4, 2011
Answer by Anonymous at 12:58 AM on Feb. 4, 2011
Answer by miasmommy21407 at 12:59 AM on Feb. 4, 2011
I agree that your baby was able to feel your love
Answer by admckenzie at 12:59 AM on Feb. 4, 2011
Answer by Belovedmoonpixi at 1:01 AM on Feb. 4, 2011
Answer by GoldenLinds at 1:01 AM on Feb. 4, 2011
Answer by GoldenLinds at 1:05 AM on Feb. 4, 2011
Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 1:09 AM on Feb. 4, 2011