Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Was I wrong?

Okay, so I am a stay at home mom w/ 3 kids. My husband works very very hard and is a wonderful partner and father. On the rare occasion I get out of the house by myself to go to dinner w/ a friend or a movie. This happens maybe once every couple of months. Well for the past 5 days I have been snowed in due to the blizzard and had plans to go to dinner last night w/ a friend. I knew he was going to be tired when he came home as he helps w/snow removal so needing to get out of the house I thought that I would take the kids to my parents for a couple of hours, meet my friend and also give him some quiet to get some sleep. When I told him my plans his response was "well if thats what you think you need to do?" To me that is not a green light and he has this response pretty much every time I make plans. He takes our son on camping trips and guy weekends with his dad and brother and I think its great, i do not complain. But I have to get out of this house every now and then just by myself. Well, last night I got upset and told him how I feel and he thinks that I'm wrong! Any thoughts? Let me also add that he does love me and treat me very well but I think he just has no clue. How would you handle this?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:47 AM on Feb. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • In the future, I would respond back with "Yes, I think that is what I need to do"

    You deserve time for yourself as well.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 7:50 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • You do need to go. Talk with him. You need a break, too. He gets them. He may work hard, but he gets breaks. Not only does he get his weekends, but he gets the drive home to be by himself. Hell, he gets freakin weekends? And he doesn't want you to have a few hours? Ohh, that would be an all out fight in my house! Luckily, my hubby would be happy if I'd go out like that. Once in a while, not all the time. He's told me to, I just don't have friends to go out with:(
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 7:59 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Do it. I would even leave the kids with him. I may be wrong, but you seem to be looking for an argument.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 8:01 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I don't think she is looking for an argument, I believe she is looking for alittle bit of "her time" and i don't blame her. I was married to a man who thought it was ok to go to Bristol, etc., with the guys, and I NEVER got anytime or any weekends to myeself whatsoever. It stinks when you don't, and I have four kids so I know from experience EVERYONE needs that little break and it won't hurt one bit for him to manup and give it to her.
    AmI88

    Answer by AmI88 at 8:15 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Ask him what the appropriate solution is for when you need a break so you can be a better wife and Mommy. That way he feels like he has some input, and you let him know that you NEED the time, without getting to an argument about it. You set the boundary of needing some time away in a way that he can't argue with. You are not alone in feeling this way, and dealing with this same issue, though. My DH doesn't understand why I would need a break because he sees playing with our DS for a few hours as a treat. I know a lot of times I make myself feel guilty for something that is perfectly acceptable (me going out on occasion). I am trying to learn how to just get over it and recharge my batteries before they get totally depleted. It's hard, though. We women are just wired to make ourselves feel guilty sometimes. I think maybe we wouldn't be good Mommies if we DIDN'T feel that way...part of that darn nurturing stuff or somethin. ;-)
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 9:11 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • That drives me nuts that it is such a double standard for the man to go do his thing and when the woman wants to do the same thing the man pitches a fit. My dh use to come and go as he pleased, play cards, go hunting, shoot pool, etc. with no consideration for what I had planned. If I wanted to go somewhere I had to arrange for a sitter which cost us more money so often I did nothing. When he wanted to go he just went and he took for granted I would be here and had no plans. Mind you I worked full time as well and I thought it was very inconsiderate and verbalized my discontent, and it took a while but he finally started to get it. He is more considerate (not as much as I would like) and he takes the boys from time to time or lets me go without all the kids. It is improving as they get older and as I speak my mind about what is fair for me!
    2boysnaprincess

    Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 9:45 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I guess what I am saying is speak up and tell him why even if you have to say it over and over, eventually it will sink in.
    2boysnaprincess

    Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 9:45 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I don't think you are wrong and would have a talk with him if he can go out and do things without you then you can do the same!
    momto4girzls

    Answer by momto4girzls at 10:10 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • You weren't wrong sweetie. You need time for yourself. It was really considerate of you to arrange child care, I know a lot of women that wouldn't have done that. Talking with him was the best thing you could do - keep talking, and listening to his side as well. Once you figure out what his real issue is (maybe he just misses you?), I bet things will be better.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 10:46 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • You can't stay in your home all the time.
    Misteh

    Answer by Misteh at 10:48 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN