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I am sruggeling with letting go of my anger towards my daughters birth mom.

I want to let it go but every time I see my 20 month old daughter struggle to walk because she was born with a left club foot and it is not correcting well, she is just now crusing furniture and able to take 2 steps I get so mad because she did this to her and then basicly said oh well and gave her up. it was her drug adddction that did this to her. I don't unerstad why the child should have to suffer for the mothers mistakes.

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Asked by ninjamom81 at 8:40 AM on Feb. 4, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • hmmm.... I think your feelings are natural. Just continue to give your baby girl lots of love and work with her. Don't think of the mother and what she did, just think about how you came into your little girls life and made it so much better. She is a blessing! GL! And if you keep having these feelings then maybe go and talk to someone about it, it may help you to vent!

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 8:44 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • You're going to have just try to let it go. If she's an addict, then she does what many addicts do, which is to put their overwhelming need for a fix above all else.
    Try to look at it this way--if things hadn't gone the way they did, then you would not have your daughter, because her birth mother would. Just know that things happened the way they did and that it all works out in the end. Enjoy your little girl. If you stay angry, you will pass that anger along to her as she gets older, and it will create problems for her. She will already have enough on her plate dealing with the knowledge that she was given up by her birth mother. It doesn't need to be complicated by anger and resentment.

    Answer by vicesix at 8:46 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Let go and let God. You dont understand why that birth mother started taking drugs in the first place. What was she trying to escape?

    Isnt it such a blessing that the bio mother said, "Oh well" and just gave up? You now have this beautiful creature that you are the steward of. Teach your child how to love in spite of obstacles and give her the strength to overcome them. Sounds like you are an AWESOME mom. Your daughter is so happy to have you for a mother. Please be happy and proud to have her.

    You got her JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME to make a difference in her life. Dont waste time in the past, focus on the present and the future that this beautiful little girl will have with you!

    God bless you Mom!

    Answer by 35yoamom at 8:50 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Hey I don't know how spiritual you are but I do know that there is somebody that can help you with the anger you feel towards your baby mother. She was wrong for what she did, but the child should not have suffered for her stupidity. Try and get custody of your daughter and get it corrected.

    Answer by bunbun8201 at 9:12 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Wow! Congrats to you!! You are doing such an amazing and wonderful thing for this little girl. Letting go of the anger is so much more about helping you than it is about the birth mother. Living with that kind of anger isn't healthy. Yes, she did an awful thing. It can't be un-done and focusing additional energy on that situation only brings the current situation down. You owe it to yourself (and that beautiful little girl) to heal from this.

    I think you are my hero for the day. Keep up the good work and just kick that negativity to the curb.

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 9:15 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I understand your frustration and anger - you're frustrated and angry because your beautiful baby is struggling, and you know how hard it's going to be for her. It's very common to feel this way, and to want to lash out because of it,and honestly, it sounds like you have a perfect target to lash out at - her druggie birth mom. (It's a lot easier to be angry at a person than at life / fate, or God, depending on your personal beliefs. Especially if the person's actions could have contributed to it.)

    BUT - for your sake and your dd's, you need to let this go. Maybe it would help if every time you look at your dd struggling, and you feel yourself getting angry, you can sort of take a mental step back, and, instead of being mad that this druggie mom did this, you can be thankful that this druggie didn't choose to abort her - and thus, made it able for you to have your beautiful dd, kwim :-)

    gl, and hugs to you and dd!

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:21 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • No one knows for certain what causes club foot in babies. There is no way to say for certain it was the birth mother's fault. Check out the March of Dimes website. No matter what, nothing is going to change the fact that your daughter has this defect. Anger isn't doing anyone any good at all. Put your energy into researching all types of treatments and therapies that may help your daughter to move better.

    Answer by Marwill at 9:43 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • club foot is not caused by drug addiction during pregnancy

    If she wasnt drug addicted you might not have this wonderful new life to call your own so accept her as she is and get her the help she needs

    drug addiction is a disease I don't think you'd make the same remarks if her club foot was caused by heart failure (which btw can cause club foot) so treat it like the disease it is and pray for both of their recoveries

    Answer by MELRN at 9:45 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I've never heard of club foot being caused by drugs. NEVER! Now if she has nervous system disorders that are interferingwith her progress that you could blame on drugs, but club foot. I don't think so.  It has been 20 months.  If you have been having trouble that entire time you need to get counseling.  If this just came up because she just recently got to this level, give it some time.  I'm not getting a single positive or thankful vibe from this post.  What does your daughter do well? 


    Answer by LoveMyDog at 11:01 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I think your anger is justified, however since it does no damage to birth mom, all it is doing is festering in your heart. Turn your attention to being grateful that the mom gave this child up vrs trying to raise her. She is safe with you where she can get the love, and support she needs.... not with a drug addicted mother and all the possible horrors that could go along with it.


    Answer by daughteroftruth at 11:38 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

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