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"Best friend" and wedding! UGH!

I have been "best" friends with K since we were 12, we are now 27. She is getting married. I deff. did NOT expect to be her maid of honor, but I am not even a bridesmaid.

She's like I hope you can come, blah blah blah, which would be great if I didn't have to pay for airfare, car rental and a hotel. (Since for some reason I wasn't offered to stay at her house during the wedding, ect).

I know the past few years have been tough on our friendship, because I live in NY and her TN, but we remained close. I have two children and a very busy life. She doesn't have any children.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:54 AM on Feb. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • So you want to be at least a bridesmaid but you are griping about paying for air fare, car rental, and a hotel? Maybe that is why she didn't ask you to be one. She didn't want to put you on the spot and have you put up the money since you have kids.

    At least this way you can opt to not go.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 8:58 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I think you should let her know in a nice way how you feel and that it may be to expensive to attend her wedding. Maybe she'll understand. I wouldn't hold it against her because maybe the situation is difficult. Planning a wedding can be difficult especially if the in-laws are a huge part of it. Maybe she didn't have total say on all her bridemaids and houseguests. I'm just saying. But I mean if it is that she had the final say and she chose to not invite or ask you to hold a position then don't go out of your way to attend because if she didn't make you a priority then you don't need to do it for her.. Good luck!

    Answer by gutterflower585 at 9:00 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I agree with Jademom... I imagine that she wasn't trying to make you feel obligated to come, since it would cost you a lot to get there. You are already complaining about the cost here, so... did you expect her to pay for it if you were asked? And, she may want people that would be able to help before and after. You obviously have a busy life and live far away... not much help in the bridesmaid area.

    Answer by HistoryMamaX3 at 9:03 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • That's probably it, that she felt it would be a hardship on you. It would have been nice if she'd have given you the chance to refuse, but then another lady would come across as second choice if you did have to turn her down. It was probably an awkward position for her.

    Answer by Bmat at 9:10 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Well, I think she could have talked this over with you...if she was truly "thinking of your feelings." Are all of the bridesmaids single women too, is that it?

    Well, I think I would send a card and spare HER the expense of an extra wedding guest to pay for as a thank you for being so "considerate" of your expenses apparently.

    Answer by spottedpony at 10:57 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Maybe she felt that since you lived in another state she did not want to put pressure or financial burden on you by making you a part of the bridal party, or maybe she was pressured to have just family and local people in her wedding. I think if you are feeling slighted you should casually ask her about who is in the wedding and maybe let her know that you are a bit hurt that you were not asked. If you feel that the expense would be too much (hotel, flight, rental car) then maybe you should skip the wedding and just send her a card/gift.

    Answer by MizLee at 11:07 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I would always prefer not to be in a wedding. The dress and the fittings, rehearsal dinners, bride drama..add out of state to it and you have even more complications. She prob. did not want to burden you with dresses and all that and sometimes you have to have relatives and ha may only want 3 groomsman so the spots fill up fast. I would attend if you can afford it and you want to attend. I didnt have any guests at my house the week of the wedding. I already had too much going on and i didnt want to hve to clean and feed guests as well. I had my best friend come in and she got a hotel because it was just a busy time. Any other tiem her and her hubby would have been staying at my house but it is such a stressful time! Dont feel guilty just do what is best for your family.

    Answer by ria7 at 12:22 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

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