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frustrated

When I think about a partner/spouse, I think of somebody that is your bestfriend, somebody you trust and love, somebody who makes you feel special, appriciated, shows affection/passion. As a women, those are all the things I "need" from my partner. However, when I tell him that, he tells me that I am too needy. I have to practically beg for his attention..any kind of attention. He is a big gamer, and that seems to be his number one priority..not me. I do not know what to do anymore because when I talk to him about it, he walks away and gets pissed off saying that I am too needy and all I do is bitch and nag... I am wrong or too "needy" for expressing this with him?? All I do is cry myself to sleep because I lay in bed listening to him laugh and have a good time with his friends online while playing his games. Yes, I am jealous of the games...I am jealous of the fact that I get turned down, and pushed away for the games...

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SDA722

Asked by SDA722 at 10:37 AM on Feb. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,469 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • He has a problem if his fantasy world is the priority over his real world, and his real relationship with you. You aren't being petty. I think he needs to cut out the gaming and online "friends" right now. Are you married? Do you have children with him? Can you walk away? He is not being respectful or considerate, if you can find someone else I think you should consider that option.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 10:47 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I know this sounds odd, have you ever thought about getting away by yourself. Whether it be a retreat, spa, or anything for yourself. Make him see that you are serious about how he i hurting you and how he is making you feel. Maybe seeing that you are extremely serious about this. I would say maybe give him a ultimatum and see what happens if he conts to laugh.. then tell him that you can not do this anymore and you need to clear your head for awhile.
    annabelle092810

    Answer by annabelle092810 at 10:48 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • if i were in this situation i would leave him. u have talked to him about it ,he will never get it,move on ...u are worth it.
    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 10:55 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I find it ironic that he's telling you that you're "too needy", yet he's clearly fulfilling a huge need of his own by gaming all the time.

    I think your husband is classically emotionally unavailable, and he's fulfilling his need for social interaction by gaming because that activity does not require him to truly engage with someone on the emotional level that you have expressed is so important to your self-esteem and perception of your relationship. Subconsciously or consciously, your husband does not feel as though he's capable of the level of emotional connection you are asking for, so he labels you as "too needy" in order to avoid responsibility for this flaw in his character. Whether the emotional unavailability stems from fear of vulnerability or lack of positive reinforcement for emotional expression during childhood is unclear at this point, and I think you two would benefit from counseling.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 11:01 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Ask around, find a good counselor and go. If he won't go with you, go anyway. He can either meet your needs or you can't. Sitting around crying about it isn't going to help, Move on. With or without him.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 11:24 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • We are engaged to be married in the fall and we do not have children together, however he talks about having kids of his own. I have a six year old who adores him. It is very frustrating because he is a great guy who would do anything for anybody...except me. I would love to be able to go away for the weekend..only problem is I do not have a car right now. He tells me that no guy is going to be the way I expect him to be...as far as fulfilling my needs...he says that I dont need a boyfriend/husband..I need a women...or somebody I can mold. I am not trying to "mold" him...I just want to be respected.
    SDA722

    Comment by SDA722 (original poster) at 11:41 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

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