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im having an emotional affair that i planned to take physical, but now im feeling dirty and guilty adult content

the story is: i recently found out my husband cheated on me during both of my pregnancies with our children. our youngest is a little over one and he says he hasnt done anything since that pregnancy. he came clean and told me everything, said he was sorry and wants to fix it. well i was extremely hurt and betrayed, and leaned on this guy that i knew was into me. we started texting eachother and the texts became a little inappropriate. we planned to make it physical but all of the sudden today i just feel so wrong about it. i know what i did was immature, i was mostly doing it out of hurt and anger, and i stooped as low as my husband. he actually did have sex with the girls though, and yes there was more than one, and two of them were married too! i know sleeping with another guy is just as wrong. i dont want to be a piss poor example for our children and thats exactly what ive done. plus my husband is being really nice and understanding through it all. i want to work on our marriage so i know i need to drop the other guy immediately. should i come clean though too and tell him about my own infidelity? or just drop the guy completely and not mention it to him since the affair was only emotional? i feel so horrible so please dont bash. i know i am a disgusting person!


Asked by Anonymous at 10:38 AM on Feb. 4, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • You aren't discusting, you were hurting, which is understandable. I cheated on my ex, he beat me so it was my way of "getting even". It wasn't right but it made sense at the time. I would just leave it alone. But I definately recommend that you stop talking to that other man and get couseling. Yourself and couples. I wish you the best!

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 10:42 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • You need to step out of this relationship. Cut off the contact to this guy, no more texts or calls, period. Throw yourself into your relationship with your husband and focus on your family. I don't think there is a need to sour things with a confession...unless you DO want to hurt your husband and have a little payback. It isn't worth it. Drop it and move forward is what I think you need to do now.

    Answer by spottedpony at 10:44 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Even thought you didn't take it to the physical level with this other guy, you should still tell your husband. I think in order to heal completely as a couple, you need to be open and honest about things..keep that line of communication flowing. Good Luck to you.

    Answer by virgo550 at 10:54 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I think you should tel you husband, but be ready for him to be upset. Even though it was not physical and only emotional he still is going to be hurt. But be strong and hold your head up and remember it was a mistake and you know that. You know what you want and its your husband all the way.

    Answer by annabelle092810 at 10:43 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I would go ahead and tell him. If you don't, and he finds out about it later, it's going to completely undermine whatever work you've done on your marriage up to that point. You need a fresh start with a clean slate.

    Answer by DragonRiderMD at 10:45 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • you are not disgusting
    you are hurt and acting out because of that hurt

    telling husband, well you did say he is being really nice
    if you tell him how hurt you are and acted out in this way = it will be a huge flag - how he acts when you tell him
    if he takes some responsibility then you know your husband is trying
    if he turns it all on you, then you know that he is acting sorry, but will most likely cheat again

    Answer by fiatpax at 10:45 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I think you should tell your husband.

    You did this because you wanted your husband to feel as bad as you did when he cheated on you. Been there, done that (not with an affair but I wanted my ex to feel as crappy as he made me feel sometimes).

    Answer by CraftingMama at 10:40 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • If it's making you feel bad, stop doing it, that's your conscience.


    Answer by scout_mom at 10:42 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Your husband came clean with you and even though what he did was HORRIBLE, he deserves to be told. If he loves you and really wants to work on the marriage, he can get past it. If you don't tell him you'll always be looking over your shoulder wondering if he'll ever find out. Getting it off your chest is best and you two can start with a clean slate. And you are NOT disgusting! You both messed up, now it's time to forgive each other and start over. Good luck!!!!

    Answer by CollinsMommy729 at 10:50 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Do you want things to work out in your marriage? If so, cut off ties to this affair. Just because he did you wrong doesn't mean it is okay to do him wrong. How did it make you feel when you found out he cheated? It's a horrible, beyond describable feeling isn't it? Why make him feel that way? Revenge? If thats the case then you don't want things to work out.
    If you never wanted to work things out just leave your husband. Not only is this affecting your husband and you it is also affecting your children. Now be a mother and put them first and make a smart choice and stop hurting everyone around you because someone hurt you. I am sorry your husband cheated, I know how it feels I really do. But I would never make anyone else feel what I felt.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 10:58 AM on Feb. 4, 2011

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