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How do I deal with a husband who has guilt about the outcome of his lack of assertive parenting but expresses it in anger toward me, his new wife. adult content

My husbands' daughter is following in the same footsteps as her narccissistic/ boarderline sociopathic mother. He has always been the passifist with his now ex-wife and daughter. He is now seeing the huge problems this is causing in his life and the life of his daughter. Only now I, his new wife, is not allowed to comment or react in any way about this 'crazy train' of a home we are living in otherwise he turns his anger on me.

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Asked by Onemoretime2 at 12:27 PM on Feb. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Level 3 (17 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • I suggest family counselling or mediation. It can help for everyone to have someone to talk to, and for a mediator to help set guidelines for step parenting too. It's not easy walking into another family, even harded when they blame you for their failures.

    Answer by jade_Aidan at 12:36 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Speaking as a narcisstic borderline (and that's two separate words not two words that mean the same thing so don't require a slash in between them), of course the dd is going to follow in her footsteps if dad makes her stay around the mom all the time. He's certainly not a pacifist if he gets angry with you when you give your opinion. He sounds like he doesn't respect you. He needs to have the dd half of the time in order to show the child balance. Keep in mind, a father abandoning his dd is what causes Borderline Personality Disorder so if the child gets it they all will blame you for making dad leave the child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • this is why i tell my friends that are seeing men with kids. do not marry a man with children, you will get burned bad. the bio-mom will manipulate the situation and dad will not take your side for shit and it will come out that you are not the parent of that child for you to discipline or suggest or whatever for that kid. good luck.

    Answer by lucky35 at 2:23 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • lucky35 I say the same thing! It's just a nightmare MOST of the time! Especially if the child shows behavioural problems. It's hard enough raising your own kids, let alone somebody elses messed up child that hates you for being the STEPmom.
    But since you already did marry this man OP you guys need to get help!

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 2:28 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • This comment is bull crap. "Keep in mind, a father abandoning his dd is what causes Borderline Personality Disorder so if the child gets it they all will blame you for making dad leave the child." Even the experts don't know what really causes BPD or any other personality disorder. There is a genetic component that is very powerful as well as environmental ones. Many BPD's come from intact families so the comment is crap. Have you heard of or tried disengaging? This is a very powerful tool of step parenting. It can mean the difference between keeping your marriage and your sanity and losing it all. Disengaging for the most part means that you let go of trying to be the "mom" for this child and let dad do all the parenting, including day to day to care and disciplining. You learn to smile and walk away and have your own life. There is more about it on the net that you could look up.

    Answer by lilangilyn at 3:03 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

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