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Ok, I really need some good advice for my marriage!

M husband and I have to young children and we are 22&24, we were married when I was 19 (I'm younger). Were rounding the corner at 5 yrs together and about married. Times have been really difficult, constantly immature fights about who does more, I won't stop if you won't, ect.. I'm honestly feeling one. I'm don't want t be in a broken marriage but I also don't want to har my kids and have them go through the hardship of divorce. I can be mean, I know I'm a fault. However, he tells me I'm an f-ing idiot, dumb b$&@?, ect... Sometimes in front of our girls. I came from a childhood where my mother was treated lik thi andit breaks my heart to be in a relationship I hate so much. I wan to make things work but don't know how. I feel like I'm at th end of my rope. Is every year just going to get worse and worse? Will we mature nd grow together or is there no hope. I'm lost.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:36 PM on Feb. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • When there is disrespect in a relationship the rest seems to go down hill, work on respect and maybe you got a chance to save it, otherwise it is better to get out of a relationship like this because it not only damages you but also your kids.
    older

    Answer by older at 12:39 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Well if you want to save your marriage, you have to do it because YOU want to, not your kids. A healthy marriage is the center of a family. Marriage comes first. But it has to go both ways, meaning your husband has to want a marriage as well. And you are both acting very immature and need to grow up if you want this to work. I'm all for saving a marriage, but it has to be wanted by both parties. Best of luck
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 12:39 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Tell him exactly how you feel, but calmly. Try not yelling. Tell him you love him and your family, but you feel as if he has become verbally and emotionally abusive. If he is not willing to go to counselling then you are moving towards leaving him. Sometimes having an outsider, a professional, put things in perspective and mediate can really help
    jade_Aidan

    Answer by jade_Aidan at 12:50 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • OK, it's easy for people here to judge your marriage but lets try to see things clearly. You really had love for each other because you married one another. You both are still very young and you have the responsibilities of raising two children and this economy is BAD. Marriage is hard enough without kids and hard times paying bills but when all these issues come together we start to act "Not Ourselves" because of the stress. If your Dh was different when you were dating or early in marriage then it is probably the financial issues weighing heavy on him and when we are upset, we lash out (wrongly) and say things we don't mean. My recommendation is to sit down alone in the morning or evening when you can have some quiet time without the kids and talk. DON"T ACCUSE but tell him that you don't want to fight and lets try to keep it together for each other since you really do love one another. CONT:

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 1:16 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • CONT: I have been married 18 years and did not have children until after I was married 13. I can honestly say that marriage is A LOT different with kids in the picture. But as time goes by, it gets easier and try to stay positive and supportive of each other. I would hold off having more kids for a while, you have plenty of time & when the kids get older you will have more time for each other. Just get through these times and TALK things over without the kids around. Make Dates even if it's for 12:00 at night to have alone time. I wish you the best and everyone needs to have a mental break sometimes so have someone watch the kids for an hour and take a brisk walk or go shopping! :)
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 1:20 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I think there is certainly hope for your problems, and I agree you should never be treated like that or treat anyone else like that. I used to talk to my husband like that and he told me I was abusive! I couldn't believe it b/c I was semi joking anyway and when I was 19 that was just the way I talked!
    Some people start in immature relationships b/c they are young, and then overcome the mindset that makes them think it's ok to treat each other like crap. You really gotta learn that you need to be friends! FRIENDS! Cannot compete, or be in competition. You have to be each others soft place to fall. Each others cheerleaders.
    You are amazing for taking accountability for your actions too. This can be fixed! Don't despair. I think maybe you guys could just use some help learning to communicate your true feelings and bring down the walls you have built up to keep from getting hurt. God bless you guys!
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 2:22 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

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