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Can you live happily ever after if it starts with a painful situation?

I dated the love of my live in high school. Due to some painful happenings (because of my mother) we broke up and lost touch. Now (6 years later) we have found each other again. And we are just as in love now as we were then, if not more. However, he has a girlfriend that he can't get rid of. She is crazy and won't let him leave her. I am friends with her... and I know what she has been through in the past and can understand why she has attached herself to him. But he doesn't want to be with her. His family even tells me not to leave him alone because they have never seen him so happy as he is with me. I just feel guilty about what we are doing to her. But in all fairness, he has tried to leave her... she threatens to commit suicide and all this other stuff... and I just don't know what to do. My little girl even calls him daddy (cuz her daddy is MIA)... I tell her no no but he is the only 'daddy figure' she knows (16 months old)... I don't know what to do...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:20 PM on Feb. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (22)
  • some ppl have a hard time letting go of realtionships.. she is either crazy or wanting attention to keep him.
    proudmom611

    Answer by proudmom611 at 1:29 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • If she is threatening suicide- call the police. Suicide threats are illegal. She wants attention and is acting like an infant. She will get over the loss of him if he really wants to leave. But he can't just keep her around because the two of you are afraid of what she will do. He needs to stand up, be a man and tell her it's over. Yes, that's harsh, but sometime you have to be harsh to get your point across.

    I'm sorry you are going through this. Stay strong. Be supportive of him. And have that happily ever after.
    meandrphoto

    Answer by meandrphoto at 1:33 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Are the two of you actively  pursuing a relationship while he is still in a relationship with her?

    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 1:42 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • We spend as much time together as possible...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:45 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • So in other words. The two of you are having a relationship while he is still with her.

    Here's my thoughts on that.

    She can threaten all she wants. She can pull whatever heart strings she wants. However. If he does not want to be with her, he would end it. Period. If she threatens to kill herself, all he has to do is call the police and report her. If he feels she is harassing him, all he has to do is call the police and report her. There is no reason for him to continue his relationship with her, if he is actively seeing you. He's making the situation worse for all of you. He is leading her own whether he realizes it or not, by staying with her he is validating her and all she does. He is showing her that he cares for her (in her thinking.. if she is truly pulling this type of mess). The best bet for everyone is for him to totally end things with her and then the two of you start an active relationship.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 1:49 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • It's not that easy. She is manipulative. It's easier to just live with the way things are until an out presents itself. I just wonder if, even after he leaves her for good, could we really have a happily every after... I have always heard 'once a cheater always a cheater' but I wouldn't consider this cheating... I just don't know what to think.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:53 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Well yah she's manipulative and will continue to be if he lets her be. If you want to get married, I'd say get married. There is nothing she can do then but move on.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:55 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I'm going to share my honest thoughts. They will most likely not be taken well, but here they are.

    If you are happy being the woman on the side. Then by all means continue as you are. Do you think if you continue as you are just because it is "easier" (for him in all reality not any one else), that the opportunity to leave that you are looking for is going to just happen? Really think about what you are saying here. You are saying that as long as it's easier for him to deal with, you will stay with the status quo. What's that say about how he sees and feels about you, that it's easier to stay as is with you on the side until an opportunity presents itself to leave her. Really think about this situation, and look at it honestly (not with love rose colored glasses). He is cheating on her, and you are okay with it because it's easier. Has is that in YOUR best interest in the long run if things continue in this vain?
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 1:59 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I have tried to call it off but his family called me all upset because he was so upset. I think he is using her because she is supposed to pay to get his license back (he lost it as a teenager and just never went to get it back... its all ugly...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:12 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I'm going to be honest with you again.

    His family called, so you have continued because he was upset. And you (let's be honest here, it's just us girls talking.**smile/giggle**) know that he is pretty much using her for one reason or another. It sounds like you may be getting manipulated your fair share. Just as you are saying she is manipulating him to stay with her. It sounds (based solely on what you have shared here) like he is doing his fair share of manipulating in regards to you. I'll ask again. In the long run, staying in this vain, how does it work out in YOUR best interest. Not his, but yours? Really honestly think about this situation and all that is going on. Now think about this. Add in how your child feels, how she views and feels about him. How is this situation in HER best interest? He is manipulating you in some ways, you believe she is manipulating him and you're stuck in the middle and so is your child.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:18 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

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