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2 Bumps

Another relationship drama question

So my husband and I have been seperated a short time. Yesterday I emailed him, since he won't "discuss" things with me. I told him how I felt, that I think we should go to marriage counseling and work this out. We have 2 wonderful children together and this isn't what I wanted for them. He of couse did some things, that he isn't even being honest about ... I'm not sure if he was going to strip cubs, gambeling or what. There were huge chunks of money gone from our acct for a 6 week period, pulled form ATMS. There were large amts spent at bars, I'm talking $100-$200 at a time. He moved for a job and we had to stay behind until our lease was up, plus give him time to find a place for us to live, he was living with friends of ours there. Anyways, the only time he contacts me is via TXT to ask about financial things...when are you switching your phone to your own acct, when are you sending the W2s, when are you taking yourself off the bank acct.... To which all of that I said I'm not taking myself off of anything until I get my share of the tax return and he pay some of the utility bills from here. He shouldn't have spent a couple thousand dollars having a good time when he had a family to providing for.
So yesterday he tells me he doesn't care to read my skewed or toxic information right now, for it's not high on his bull shit priority. But at the same time, for weeks he has been quoting all these sad and woah is me lines, quote, and lyrics on his FB page. We were equally giving one another "time" and "space" although I think after 3 weeks it's been enough time.
I just don't get it. My grandma said he is just pulling my emotional strings at this point. I guess I have done all I can done, telling him how I felt and what I wanted out of it. But how long do you continue to wait for him to decide what he wants? I'm not going to bother him with another msg. Or nag him. I just am at a loss. He makes me confused with his bi-polar like emotional state.


Asked by 2BlondeBabies at 1:21 PM on Feb. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Level 25 (23,069 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Why are you allowing him to do this to you? You do understand that if he wanted you guys where he is, he wouldn't have done the things he has done, right? So why are you allowing him to continue to control the situation? Step back and let him lead his life and you do what needs to be done for you and the kids. Make sure he understands that you will no longer tolerate his bs.

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:37 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • im sorry hun. have you tried taking steps for your self like getting a job to support yourself and your children since he isnt reliable? i say if thats what he wants give it to him. gotta watch what you ask for you just might get it... GL

    Answer by proudmom611 at 1:27 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • He is playing with your emotions....I would keep trying and you also need to give yourself a time frame(how long you are willing) to let him keep doing this to you before you move on! sounds to me like there is more going on here with him that he is not telling you!! Good Luck!

    Answer by Mom2Brock at 1:24 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • i also think he is keeping some very key parts of his life secret
    maybe he is seeing another woman, at least he is acting single
    he is living in another place, and you and kids to follow
    maybe keep your place for a time, not end lease, you may need it

    Answer by fiatpax at 1:27 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • If I have learned one thing, it is that you can't rush a man. And you can't make them tell you the truth if he doesn't want to come clean. Some men pull along their women (especially if they have children) so that child support doesn't come into play. My daughters little girl used to disappear for days at a time. When I asked him what he was doing he would say working. But I never saw the money. If anything, our money seemed to be disappearing with no explanation. The best I can tell you is listen to your heart. No one can tell you what to do. Only you know who he really is and what your entire relationship has been like. I left my little girls daddy. He just went from bad to worse. Just think about where your relationship is going the rolemodel he is being to your children. Because no father rolemodel is better than a bad one.

    Answer by ScentsyMommie at 1:29 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • It sounds like he's told you what he wants, so now it's time for you to take control of YOUR life and pick up the pieces of your broken family. Do what you have to do for your kids and yourself.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I mean it's too late now but i would've tried seperation after counseling...sometimes a seperation just makes things worse. Maybe he just got excited having freedom again!?I know when we moved from overseas to MD my husband had his new workbuddies&bought himself a bike&went out(he didnt spend crazy money though...)all that after we found out i was pregnant lol wasnt planned at all we just got pass the 2yr mark of our first son&was enjoying some kind of freedom again.So i guess that was his way of dealing with the situation. So maybe that's what your husband is experiencing at the time with being away from you&kids. With that being said idk about all that taking you off of bank accounts, switching your phone to ur acct..for what?sounds like he wants a def line between his n ur expenses..shady. And also..friends of u as a couple or HIS friends?cause if they are ur friends and something is going on they should say it.

    Answer by Davina85 at 2:37 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • He sounds worthless to me. Beware of anyone who calls you toxic when they are the ones actually indulging in toxic behavior. It means he is projecting his worthlessness onto you. Get a job, get out and get a good lawyer.

    Answer by lilangilyn at 2:54 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I already filed for child support. The apt was 10 days after the big blow up and me finding the money spent. He happened to call right after it for the first time, to talk to our oldest. So that is already in the works, I wasn't waiting. That takes time and I knew that. He was fine with it at first and now is all pissed off....telling me I won't see anything until they garnish his wages. I told him he knows I had to do that to get any sort of assistance. I can't rely on him saying he will send me a certain amt of money each of his pays. I have a part time job. I actually have a degree, but to pay to put 2 toddlers into daycare, I would just be working to send them....that to me is stupid. I would rather suck it up and be a SAHM until they are both in school. IT makes no sense to me to rush the babies out the door, for me to go to a job that is stressful, rush them home just to feed them, bath them and put them in bed.

    Comment by 2BlondeBabies (original poster) at 2:55 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • BTW, Davina, we were already living seperate by 1000 miles for 2 months. He spent ALL the money we were to use to move there with. Literally, there was no financial way for us to go. He thought my parents would just lend us $3000 to $5000 to get there. My parents said no way, when I told them he wasted the money.

    Comment by 2BlondeBabies (original poster) at 2:58 PM on Feb. 4, 2011