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Why doesn't he respect me? Quite long sorry

Right so the problem is my father. He doesn't understand why I say "don't come round before 9 o'clock in the morning as I need the kids to concentrate on getting ready for school".

Today was a classic example, dad had been notified by the council that his road was being re-surfaced today. So therefore he had said about parking the car at ours so it was out of the way. We agreed to this but stipulated that we wouldn't be able to let him in at the time he would get to ours (8 o'clock in the morning) as the kids would be getting ready for school. Dad said ok and he would park at ours and go to our local shops. That was fine with us.

So today comes and what does dad go and do? Yep you guessed it, he tries to just walk straight in. I had the chain on and said to him through the door that the kids were having breakfast. He insisted on coming in anyway and after wishing hubby Happy Birthday he then goes and plonks himself on the sofa, consequentally the kids dont get ready and I end up having a major go at my dad for not respecting my wishes and how he should respect others as he demands respect himself.

So my question really I suppose is "What can I do about my father's blatant lack of respect for me, my house, my rules etc etc"

Answer Question

Asked by Creating78 at 3:05 PM on Feb. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Level 12 (862 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Consistency. If you said you were not going to let him in, then that is what you should have done.

    Answer by isabellalecour at 3:08 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Keep on keeping's a power issue....I had the same kinds of issues with my parents until the day they died....I loved them, God knows I did, but they had power issues, fear of not being loved, and so they pulled all kinds of stuff just like what you described here....Be consistent and DON"T let him in the house, follow through on everything you tell them...By letting him come in, you are teaching him what he can get away with....

    Answer by Anna92464 at 3:15 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Sorry, I would have let him in. Your kids need to learn how to get ready when others are there. How would you feel if you went to your fathers because of the same situation and he wouldn't let you or the kids in because of some lame excuse? He wasn't bothering anyone, sorry I don't see the disrespect. He is your father, try treating him with respect and he might respect you.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 3:16 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • In answer to the 1st 2 responses I agree with what you ladies are saying. In addition to this and also in response to tyfry7496, the main issue with my dad is that he has always drummed into me that I should live my own life and make my own mistakes not let others make them for me. My problem on that point is that during my later school years when I was the one that should have been making the decisions on what courses to study he was making the decisions for me and not letting me 'live my own life' etc. In my opinion regarding me respecting him, I would and where appropriate do respect him I just wish he would have the same courtesty with me. As for the kids, it seems like he is trying to bring them up for me according to his rules and when I point out that they are my kids and should live by MY rules my dad takes offence. Having said that tyfry, I thank you for taking the trouble to post an answer and respect your opinion.

    Comment by Creating78 (original poster) at 3:24 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • He sounds like he has control issues.
    I don't agree with treasting him with respect and then he might respect you. Might is a pretty big word. You should definitely always respect him but he does NEED to respect you. You are a grown woman with your own family, he's setting an example to your children to disregard what you say to them because he blatantly does it to you.
    I think you need to either have a serious sit down and be consistent. He'll get it eventually.

    Answer by marine_wife0520 at 3:42 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Keep the door locked (not just chained). He will either get the picture or he will make an ass out of himself. He's acting like a child- and there is no reason that you HAVE to let him do anything in YOUR house

    Answer by meandrphoto at 4:05 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • What's wrong with your father coming over while your kids are getting ready for school?
    You're a mother and by now should know that parents make now you should know that parents do what they think is best for thier children with hopes that everything turns out fine for them. When your children grow up, they'll say things about your parenting skill too but hopefully, they'll be mature enough to get over it and realize that Mom & Dad were only looking out for thier best interest....What your dad did doesn't sound like he was being controlling at all. Sounds as if there's much more to this than what you're telling because it doesn't make sense to tell your dad not to come over while the kids are getting ready for school...

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:11 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

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