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6 Bumps

Are we being unreasonable? (long)

My son is technically my step son though I love him like my own. His mother was with SO for five years and then just walked out after a year with her son. While she was here she would spend 14 hours on facebook a day. If he cried, she'd put him in his room and lock the door in the midst of summer without a fan. She would give him nothing to eat or drink either. 

When she left she took every last cent out of Olivers savings account and closed it. She decided she wanted to "live her own life". Later she came and asked to take him to Knoebel's for the day since it was her Birthday. SO packed him two bottles, two changes of clothes, diapers and wipes. She brought him back in a car that had all the windows rolled up and five ppl smoking inside. He was severely dehydrated, filthy, wearing only a diaper, he hadn't been fed and his things were gone, diaper bag and all. 

Then she disappeared again. After half a year of absence she showed up (once she found out I was with SO) saying SO had no right to keep him from her and she was going to sue for custody.

She was never ever told she couldn't see him. She was told she could come and see him for an hour or two when she wanted to, but she can not take him, we will not provide transportation for her, it has to fit into our schedule as we are his primary care takers, and we must have at least two days notice. 

Considering her previous irresponsible treatment, abuse and thievery, are we being unreasonable like she says we are? Or are we totally within our rights? Would we have to worry about losing him if she does take this to court?

Answer Question

Asked by MamaStuart at 3:37 PM on Feb. 4, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 19 (8,209 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • If there is no court order saying you have custody, I would get one ASAP.

    Answer by MrsMWF at 3:39 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I think you had better get to court and quick! I would sue for full custodial rights on the basis of abandonment, don't wait for her to do something dippy, and bless you from one step mom to another!

    Answer by kimigogo at 3:41 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I think you are well within your rights. You are protecting the child. How old is your son? If he is above the age of 12 or 13, then he can tell a court that he does not want to be alone with his mother. Document EVERYTHING that happens. Dates, times, who was there and what happened. When she calls to see him, note the time and date and then when the agreed upon time is. Then note the time she gets there and leaves and what happens. I would NOT let her take that child unsupervised because one time that child may never come back or come back seriously hurt or ill.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 3:41 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I think you are within your rights, especially since she just walked out on her son.

    Answer by mommy_jules at 3:42 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • You are not being unreasonable but you need to get a court order NOW!! Otherwise, she can do what she wants.

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 3:44 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Contact an attorney ASAP.

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 3:47 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • She would be stupid to take it to court. No sane judge would ever even listen to her. I think you guys are being extremely generous even letting that woman see that baby. If it were me I would move and cut all contact. She is hazardous to that babys health both physically and mentally. Think about the emotional strain having a biological mother like that could cause a child.

    Answer by ScentsyMommie at 3:48 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • @tyfry, he is 18 months. I have been keeping a log. Having gone through this as a child I know the works. MIL is keeping records too. We're also printing her facebook statuses that talk about what party she's going to as proof that she could get here if she wanted to. And, more recently, one threatening me.

    She's also flipping because he calls me mommy. We did not teach him to call me mommy. I have always been referred to as Amber in front of him. He started calling me mommy on his own after watching some family themed episodes on Nickjr. Is it wrong if he did it on his own?

    Comment by MamaStuart (original poster) at 3:48 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • IF you don't have a court order for visitation - get one.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 5:04 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • You need to get a court order asap and should have everything documented that she has done - even the phone calls.

    Answer by buzymamaof3 at 5:16 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

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