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Best friend and wedding/party issue

Ok. My best friend is getting married( to my husbands brother) and she is helping plan the bachelorette party. I am a brides maid. She wants all the girls in the wedding to pack up for an entire weekend and drive over 4 hours away. I am the only female going that has a family. My husband works that weekend and i dont want him wasting his vacation time for me to go when i dont really want to leave my kids anyway. I think she is going to be mad when she finds out that i wont be going. what should i do? Keep in mind. Im NOT a drinker or party-er and thats what they plan on doing.

 
newlife627

Asked by newlife627 at 6:11 PM on Feb. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,778 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I would just tell her I couldn't make it. If she gets mad, then so be it. Tell her that part of being married is putting your family ahead of partying. Maybe that will get her attention.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:14 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Just tell her that you can't go but hopes she has a great time! Maybe offer to take her out on a girls' day - like a message or facial or something, for the two of you.
    autbot

    Answer by autbot at 6:13 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Be straight up front about it. Let her know you absolutely want to be in the wedding, but the bach party isn't going to happen for you.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 6:13 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Can you make it for 1/2 the weekend?? I think she'll be hurt if you aren't there.
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 6:13 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Could you have someone else babysit while your husband is at work?
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 6:19 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • The only people that i allow to babysit my kids is my dad and stepmom and she has to work also. and again i do not party. i dont like being around people that are drinking. i grew up around a bunch of drunks and just brings back too many memories. i was thinking of taking her somewhere local one night to make up for it
    newlife627

    Comment by newlife627 (original poster) at 6:24 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I think you are being very reasonable and I can understand why you have reservations about leaving for this road trip and spending work vacation time that way. Her plans really don't take your situation into consideration. Just explain to her it isn't feasible at this time to leave home for that period of time, or that distance.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 6:27 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • I would try to go for at least half the weekend. Even if everyone is drinking and partying, I think bachelorette parties are more about getting the girls together and feeling like friends. I understand that you don't want to leave your family and don't want to waste vacation time on the road trip, but I wouldn't exactly tell her "waste" vacation time. That might hurt her feeling. Be up front with her about whatever you decide, but choose your words carefully. This is supposed to be about her and her friends getting together, after all.
    binkadink

    Answer by binkadink at 7:26 PM on Feb. 4, 2011

  • Be up front about it, you have a family and that comes first. Your friend should also respect the fact that you aren't going to have fun on this trip and that you wouldn't be comfortable in that surrounding and would prefer to celebrate with your friend in a more comfortable setting - it isn't the rest of the bridal party that you owe anything to and the only one you should worry about making happy is the bride. I'm a shy person, when my best friend got married the rest of the bridal party were strangers to me. She knew this about me before asking me to be maid of honor, and because she is my friend she knew I'd help plan the party but wouldn't be attending - we had our own celebration with a night at the bar just the two of us and spending the night at my aunt's house like we did when we were kids (and because my aunt's boyfriend was the designated driver).
    momof2inCT2007

    Answer by momof2inCT2007 at 11:43 PM on Feb. 4, 2011