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Kids before marriage?

I know this may anger some moms but I just thought I would share how I feel about this endering topic. My husband and I are both from what we call the "Old School." We belive that you should not have any kids until after you are married. But yet we both know that rarely happens and when it does, it blows me away. But we try so hard not to knock people who have kids out of wed-lock.. Are we being to pretentious about this or are we doing the right thing of thinking how we feel??

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Asked by mom2hailie at 1:26 PM on Nov. 16, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (20)
  • Personally I agree with you.

    Answer by feesharose at 1:31 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • well..i am only common law married...and i am preg.but u have the right to express ur opinion.and people dont like it,,,,they dnt have to listen to it.but i also believe u should be married...but stuff happens...and sometimes its not their fault at all...

    Answer by mrs.abbillings at 1:31 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • I do agree with you also,but I don't judge others,because,I was just one of the lucky ones,that did'nt get pregnant,before I was married.I also have two teenage daughters,whos to say,it wont happen to them.My problem,with couples not getting married,is some don't because single moms get all the help they need,and don't have to work,and live pretty good.I am not talking about all single moms,but I'm sure everyone on here,knows someone like I am talking about.I feel sorry for married couples,that both work their tail feathers off,to try to make ends meet.Then you have women having babies left and right,and our taxes have to raise them.Again,I am not talking about all moms,cause thing happen,and some men don't stick around,and you have to do what you have to do ,for your child.I am just saying not being married out of convenience.

    Answer by Val504 at 1:41 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • is some don't because single moms get all the help they need,and don't have to work,and live pretty good.I am not talking about all single moms

    Im sorry but this kind of "irks" me, Get all the help they need??? have you ever gotten any help from the state and know what they help? IN washington state its like 600$ and rent alone is in the 1000-2000 range.. So not working really isnt a possibility for most people. Also if you do get any money from the state they will get child support from the dad that some goes back into the state funds to reimburse some of it. Living pretty good on state help and not working is a completely false understatement IMO.


    Answer by Crystal42683 at 1:55 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • As for the question I am not married and may never be married. I IMO and mine only is that I dont need a piece of paper to show my love (I would happily have a ceremonial wedding without government involved) That to me is a completely different thing then getting a "license" and being certified by the courts that I am married. I guess I just dont see the point for me to get married, spending money on something that may not last that could be much better spent on our kids etc. imo. I guess we just like it better goldie hawn and kurt russel style and thats what works for us, it may not be that way for everyone and I could care less what other people do, but it does bother me when people seem to think less of us (not "you" but in general) because we dont have that piece of paper. We have been together going on 9 years and have 3 children. Which is more then alot of people who did get that piece of paper can say.

    Answer by Crystal42683 at 1:57 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • I figure that it is not my business to pass judgement on those who have children out of wedlock or married. To me it doesn't matter. I think you can be a good parent either way. I had my son out of wedlock, and well I would of loved to of been married and done it the right way I don't see it's wrong in the way I'm doing it now. It's your opinion and your right, I think that it's great that you don't put people down for their choices. What bothers me is that there are single mothers single fathers and even married couples who can't stop having children and are living on the systems such as welfare and county aid.

    Answer by bubblycute at 1:57 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • Honestly i had a baby before marriage out of choice, i wanted my baby in my wedding, we allready knew we were going to be together forever so the time was right and then i got pregnant, but yes that is your choice and i also think its a special thing

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • I am a mother of a beautiful 7 year old daughter. I gave birth to her out of wedlock and I was only 16. I believe she was born for a reason. You do have a right to your own opinion. I don't think it makes anyone any better because they have children while they're married. I graduated from high school and I went to college. I was a single mother for a long time (NOT one who tried to work the system for all the help I could get, although in my job profession I meet plenty of "mothers" like that). I actually just worked extra hard for all we have. I now am engaged to a wonderful man and he loves my baby as if she were his own.

    Answer by lisha_03 at 1:58 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • I agree with you to an extent, like an unexpected pregnancy and marrying only because of it. Unless a couple is ready and know each other well I think getting married just because of pregnancy will only put more pressure on the couple and increase the divorce rate. You should definitely not feel wrong about what you believe, I think it sends a good message to your daughter. In my case I wanted to wait, too. My sister was different...not saying she doesn't love her husband, but she had a shotgun wedding because of pressure from our family. She didn't feel like she should wait and didn't get to experience picking a dress or planning a wedding. I'm sure she wanted more than to just throw everything together quickly the way our relatives did for her. She was a success story, though, still together almost 15 years. Doesn't always work that way, though.


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:04 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • Marriage isn't an ideal situation for a lot of people. I married my DH and we were together 9 years before we had children, had our second at the 15 year mark. We tried to do things the "right" way. We married, bought a house, had a baby. But I have a friend who was pregnant at the same time I was, wasn't married, went to school, is now a nurse has her own home and just got married to her DD father. I just don't think there's a right way to do anything. I think if it's right for you, do it that way.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 2:30 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

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