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would you leave your hubby?

My hubby is a mommas boy big time. He is always coming up with excuses to go to his moms (he denies it, but I think some of the reason is so he can smoke). It ranges from having to help his mom around the house to (and I am dead serious on this, he did it just today) to having to poop. I don't mind that he is close to his mom, but he spends more time with his mom than he does here. I am unhappy, my dd is unhappy (she never gets to see her daddy and when she does she gets sick from him smelling like an ashtray..she has severe asthma, and he doesn't seem to care) and I am ready to kick his ass to the curb so he can spend all his time with his mom. I have talked to him about it (especially the coming home smelling like and ashtray and our dd suffering) and he doesn't get it. Would you leave?

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sondamom0828

Asked by sondamom0828 at 12:13 AM on Feb. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Level 9 (281 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • For the health of my DD, Yes, I would.

    He obviously doesn't care about how it affects his DD. As for you, I am sure that he was like this before you married so you went into it with your eyes open.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:17 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • He goes home to Mommy so he can go to the bathroom? What, does she wipe his butt for him too?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • get rid of him. I had an ex that way and never put me first. my soon to be ex hurt my little girl physically and it still is hard that I can't even tell him what I think of him because of the protection order. trust me it will be hard but it's for your daughter
    Cattybird4

    Answer by Cattybird4 at 12:22 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • When we were dating and 1st married he stopped talking to his mom. Then, we seperated (due to his bipolar..he was undiagnosed) when dd was 1, and got back together in Aug og '09. It has only been in the past 6 months that he has turned into a total mommas boy and I don't know if it is because this baby might not make it through the pregnancy or will die sometime after it is born or what but something needs to change.
    sondamom0828

    Comment by sondamom0828 (original poster) at 12:24 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • Well if you want to stay bec you love him have a heart to heart and tell him how you feel, but it's you and your DD. You have to come first or then you may just have to threaten to leave if you feel you want to/or can and mean it and not just threaten it. You'll NEVER chg him from being a Momma's boy so you might as well get use to that fact, but he can chg and put you 1st if he wants to, esp. your DD for her health, if not then he's a spoiled little brat himself and needs to just GROW UP. I've heard this, say what you mean, mean what you say, just don't say it mean.
    MyAngel003

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 12:40 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • I believe in doing rwo things when I have a problem....First I pray about it....I go with an open heart to the Lord, lay the problem out and pray for His guidance...(the spiritual realm) .I then resolve to do something myself in the realm of being in the real world...
    My Angel003 has some wonderful advice: "Say what you mean, mean what you say, just don't say it mean..." There is a lot of wisdom here...Try to have that heart to heart..I know you have a lot going on in your life right now..What it seems to me is that your husband is not dealing with the situation that is in your lives right now...He's smoking heavily and running off to Mommy.
    Please rely on your heavenly Father, first of all to hear your prayers and be beside you 100% in your pain...I will pray FOR you and WITH you for a peace in both your husband's and your life (This all affects your daughter obviously, too. ) Where two or three are gathered, there God is.
    VeronicaTex

    Answer by VeronicaTex at 2:44 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • never, took lots of frogs to kiss before i found him. hes the best
    XBrendiX

    Answer by XBrendiX at 5:05 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • My MIL lives about 250 miles away from us, so this isn't a concern for me. However, since the problem has just started, I think it might be an indication that there is something else going on. You should get to the bottom of it through some honest discussions with your husband.

    In the meantime, I suggest that every time he is going over to his mother's, you tag along too. It may be uncomfortable for you, but I think sucking that up for a little while (and being very sweet during the visits) will provide you with invaluable data.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 7:33 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • I would never have MARRIED a man who was THAT close to his mother, and my husband would never have married me if I was THAT dependent on my mother!!! I'm sure the signs were there that his mother would be a wedge in your marriage long before you said "I do."

    Unfortunately, having your parents help you every time the "going gets tough," and at every twist and turn in a relationship prevents you from working these issues out TOGETHER--which is what a healthy marriage does!
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 9:47 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • Some men don't get it they feel like if they are the head of the house and grown they can do as they want, but he needs to know he has a family now besides is "mom" and he needs to put them first. It's ok to visit mom once a week but not all the time it will cause problems. And if he knows he shouldn't be smoking then he needs to respect you and the children.
    When I got married and met my Husband he told me he quit smoking and I was so happy becuase i hate smokers then just about 6 months ago he started again I told him about it and he said he would stop and ouf course he hasn't so I just said the hell with it as long as you don't smoke in my car or the house and it worked out. His ex was getting in the way to and I told him it's either the Ex Wife or me not both your divorced her for a reason and he changed his number so time will tell. Tell him your need to be first in his life or it wont work out and give him a choice.
    dusty1962

    Answer by dusty1962 at 8:43 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

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