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weird question about sex after kids adult content

Ok, my husband and i have been married for four years, we have two daugthers. before our first was born we had a very active sex life. He deployed two days after she was born, and came back seven months later. I was relieved I wouldn't have to have sex..which is strange because i have always enjoyed it before. after he came back, i tried to get into it, but just couldn't. we went from daily to once a week or longer. after my second daughter was born, it got worse, and I try to initiate more, it is straining our relationship he feels like i don't want him, but the weird thing is that i feel dirty during and after we do it. I can't stand having someone touch me like that, and i love my husband and if we go about a week and a half without sex, then I am ready and ok with doing it and don't feel this way, but otherwise it is just so hard for me to even pretend to enjoy myself...I don't know if this is normal, or what, but our oldest is almost three, so this has been going on for a while. i have never been sexually assaulted or anything like that so why do I feel this way? what can I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:24 AM on Feb. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • IDK, I didn't feel this way. And you shouldn't either. Have you talked with your doc? (you didn't cheat, did you?) Not accusing, just asking. Not trying to start a fight, either. If nothing bad has happened, then I really have no clue. But you shouldn't be having this feeling. You should be able to enjoy him! Try talking with your doc, but if you see one at a military clinic, that's not always so easy, I know. So you can try seeking a therapist. Cause I know you don't want this to bring your marriage down. GL, though!
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 8:29 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • having sex while having little ones is hard enough as it is. not only is it a stressful time, you're being touched ALL day by your kids. for most women, the part of sex that we mainly long for is the touch. if you're touched all day by your little ones, then you're getting what you want, but in a non sexual manner. so at the end of the day you're tired, and may just want some "me" time. maybe you set aside a time of day where you can get some me time, ( perferably after the kids are asleep) you'd feel more intimate with your husband afterwards? also you need to have a sit down with your husband and explain to him that it isn't him, it's you. classic it's not you it's me line, but this is for real. you may also want to see a doctor and talk about it. some ladies on here will probly give you some other ideas as well, like eating nutrutious things to help your chemical balance out. GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:34 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • Sounds to me like you have some hangups about how you view yourself- you may be having trouble seeing yourself as both a mother and a sexual being. Do you have deep rooted feelings that mother should be pure and above the dirty side of being human, such as feeling lust? I ask because you said that just being touched that way makes you feel dirty.
    You need to remind yourself that sex with your husband is not dirty, but healthy and good and beautiful. Not only does it bring physical pleasure, but strengthens the bonds of love between you and your husband- which is good for your children. And being able to separate the you as an individual as the you as a mother is a good thing for your children as well. Moms who are multi-dimensional and satisfied in various aspects of their lives tend to be better moms.
    If this is not the case it may be a hormonal imbalance. Either way I would highly recommend you mention it to your doc.
    mandaday

    Answer by mandaday at 8:59 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • This could be a result of a number of different things. Sometimes, and I'm not saying absolutely that this is your issue, the cause ends up being traced to nervous and vascular systems that are malfunctioning due to nutritional deficiency.
    I can hear you asking, how could that be? Believe me, it's possible. Childbirth depletes the body immensely and the stress of being a parent and daily life uses up the very same nutrients that are used by the body to produce neurotransmitters that are vital to maintaining healthy nervous and vascular systems, both of which are key in both sex drive and sexual response. You said you "couldn't stand" being touched? That's the phrase that stuck out for me, it's really very possible that your nervous system is not functioning correctly. This problem can stand unnoticed and not treated properly for years, mainly because it sounds so improbable, but believe me, it can happen. PM me for more.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 9:36 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • I would suspect some hidden resentments toward your husband. Maybe you feel abandoned emotionally or even physically except for the times he wants to be intimate. Or if your relationship was initially based only on sexual attraction, that would explain some of your feelings toward him now. The reason for this is something that the two of you should delve into together, either by yourselves or with some help from someone who is knowledgeable and experienced in dealing with such issues. I would get the process going as soon as possible, because this could be a marriage killer.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:55 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • wow...i feel exactly the same!i thought i was the only one lol my son was born and my husband was deployed and didtn come back until he was 10mos old.i was happy too that i didnt"have to have" sex. but when he cam back we wasprett yactive again.now our 2nd son was born and i feel like i could go without sex forever...really weird.no longing whatsoever.i guess i'll go ahead and ask the doc about that.
    Davina85

    Answer by Davina85 at 10:41 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • I agree with the first anonymous poster... you hit the nail on the head, girl!! I had my kids 20 months apart and breastfed them too, so during and after I felt like I could go forever and never have sex again...I could care less. It started to affect my marriage though, because my DH didn't believe me when I told him it was me and not him.
    It has gotten much better in the last year, but we still only have sex 2 or 3 times a month. Like the other mom said, I get tired of being touched. My kids are 5 and 3, and need me constantly...so by the end of the day, I just want to be left alone! lol I do think it's a hormone/nutrient imbalance too, though...because I lost a lot of hair during the two pregnancies and after, and it's never come back. I used to have thick hair.
    brandyj

    Answer by brandyj at 12:14 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • Do you think it has something to do with the fact that your baby came out of there and it feels dirty to have sex b/c of that? If that may be the case, remember that sex is how they got there and it's natural just as giving birth is natural.
    huntin_mama

    Answer by huntin_mama at 3:01 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • Interesting i'm feeling you 100% I am married for 1 and half years now and before that I was single for years and had very little sex, by choice so when I did which was rear I loved it, now that im married i can care less if we do it. When we first met we did it at least 3 or 4 times a week and now once a week and i'm fine with it.
    I don't feel dirty but when we do it more than once a week i feel like it's a choir im not in the mood and his touch bugs me i think that women in general view sex different. I like you love my Husband but sex once a week is good for me but they need more so when he wants it i do it, you got to keep him happy or he will go elsewhere then where will you be.
    I just recently found out my husband has been masterbating and i don't know if its due to me not doing it or he's tired of me. He will get a sexy calender and wack off. I was superised, my son called me at work and told me he caught him doin
    dusty1962

    Answer by dusty1962 at 8:22 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • i was a nympho and now after my ds was born he's a yr now i hate sex i don't want to but yearn for it and crave it but can't stand it now
    you aren't alone
    Amanda11810

    Answer by Amanda11810 at 10:47 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

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