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Every vacation with the inlaws!

Okay, I have been with my hubby for 6 years. We have a 2 year old and another baby on the way. My MIL always plans these vacations where we are obligated to go. Even Christmas she barely talks to us about it and buys the plane tickets and we have to be there for a 10 day period! It really is bothering me! I dont work and my hubby is in grad school. We dont have our own money to decide where or when we go so it makes it difficult. My parents dont have money like his so we never get to visit them on their expense. Which I dont want them to pay for us to visit but it would be nice once in a while just so we can say we are going there and not to the inlaws! they take vacas and we have to go. they never really give us an option, ......

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Nov. 16, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • .continued from the Q........Every time they plan it we cant give our input. I try to talk with my MIL about wahst best for us, but she doesnt listen and trys to manipulate the situation where she will even lie about it! What do I do! My husband doesnt want to ever step in! Im really upset about this christams!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • Well, if the alternative is no vacations or a free one, then which would you prefer. If you prefer none, then perhaps your husband should tell them so. "thank you very much, but we can't get away this year so decided to not have a vacation."

    Answer by Bmat at 3:00 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • It's really going to continue to be a problem if your husband dosen't stand up to his mother. Who says you even have to go on vacation at all? Why can't you guys just tell her you appreciate her vacation "gifts" but you will wait until you can pay for your own vacation. She'll be mad but she'll have to deal with it.

    In her mind, she's paying so she gets to make the rules, period. Wait until you can pay for your own vacations before you go on vacation.

    If your husband dosen't nip this in the bud with his mother now, she'll be intefering with your lives until the day she dies. It's got to be him that does it and he's going to have to really be consistent.

    Seriously, most people's parent's don't pay for their married/grown children's vacations anyway.

    Answer by pugpin at 3:04 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • Time to put your foot down. Just don't go.Tell your DH that you are not going this year. Tell him he can go but you prefer to stay at home. Your MIL will get the drift if you do that


    Answer by louise2 at 3:10 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • i wish i had free vacations. must be nice,and if you dont want to go on her terms then dont go, im sure she doesnt have a gun to your head.

    Answer by jbirchard at 3:16 PM on Nov. 16, 2008


    Answer by aruba3 at 3:18 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • Eh, I kind of understand.. my MIL wants us to come up to see them every year twice a year... and use up all of the vacation time my husband has PLUS it's at our expense. I told my husband that I know his Mom likes seeing him and the kids but we need time for *us* too.. That said, it is on her nickle. If she's already planned this year I wouldn't cancel, you could cost her a lot of money in lost tickets.. but I would tell her next year you guys are going to save up and go see your parents because they haven't had a Christmas with you yet. It's up to you how you handle it, but you could offer to come up for an extended Thanksgiving weekend instead, maybe establish a trade off -- every other year do Christmas. Good luck Mom!

    Answer by Serafyna at 3:28 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • We had that very same issue. It was nice that it was free and certainly I appreciated the fact that they wanted us there. On the other hand it should have been an invitation and not an expectation. There was a point where I had to actually step in and say, "not this year." It was a little uncomfortable and a little akward. Every year my in-laws go to the beach and rent several condos for the entire extended clan. I didn't mind, it was free, and it was the beach. Only one year my dad was being honored in his home town and there was going to be a ceremony. My parents were flying in, my sister, and I wanted to be there. So my husband explained about my dad.

    Answer by frogdawg at 3:36 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • cont..My MIL didn't get it. She actually said, "oh its such a shame that you won't be able to join us. Maybe next year. Well at least James is going." To which I made sure she understood that my husband is ALSO attending my father's event. That was the akward part. She wasn't happy. There wasn't a big hissy but it was obvious she wasn't happy. So my philosophy is this: thank you for the invitation and we appriciate the opportunity. If we are available, can manage the time off of work, and we don't have any other vacation plans - then we would love to go. Other wise I'm so sorry and hopefully we will get the chance in the future. They can't make you go. So have your husband talk to them about asking first b/c he can't gurantee that "his" family can make it.

    Answer by frogdawg at 3:42 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • It's almost like I asked this question. My MIL is the same way. Actually, it's the whole dang family. It's very frustrating because we haven't been able to do our own thing in years. It's been really bad because there has been a wedding or a graduation EVERY year since we've been together (10 years) and his family pays for us to go and expects us to go. I think it's great that they pay for us and I'm very grateful but it makes it hard for us to skip out and do our own thing. The ONE year there wasn't a wedding or a graduation...they organized a swanky family reunion at the Arizona Biltmore. I had to come late because I was right in the middle of student teaching and I couldn't just go on vacation. Of course they didn't understand that and made me feel really bad about it which wasn't helpful at all.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:40 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

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