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8 Bumps

Do I give it time or just give up?

My boyfriend recently moved in with me and my son (2 weeks ago) I love him but he is driving me insane. I had lived on my own for 2 years after being in a very abusive relationship. I finally felt I was ready to let someone co-exist with me in my house but my boyfriend does nothing around the house, plays video games all day and sleeps until he feels like getting up. He is currently unemployed since he just moved from PA to WI and only looks for a job when I come home from work exhausted. I just don't know if I should give him time to find a job and see if things change or if I should send him packing back to PA with his family.

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PJs35

Asked by PJs35 at 10:07 AM on Feb. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Level 3 (25 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • I think it's time for a very serious conversation! I have a feeling that you didn't know him as well as you thought you did.
    slw123

    Answer by slw123 at 10:08 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • Yep- It's time to sit him down & tell him what your expectations are & possibly set a deadline. (Like give him to a certain date to get a job) He needs to contribute both financially as well as around the house. If he doesnt like it, too bad- there's always PA waiting for him! GL
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 10:12 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • Sit down and talk things over. He should be helping around the house. I don't think that will change if he gets a job. And the video games.........Did you know he was so into them before? Talking it over is a minimum and then consider being on your own again.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 10:14 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • That will take a plan or just some community resource. Churches don't do many outreaches these days/ times we're in now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:15 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • He kept bringing up getting a job that just covers his child support. I told him he needs to pay rent as well. He agreed and I did give him a deadline. He only has 2 weeks left to find a job. (I would make exceptions only because i know the job market isn't spectacular if I knew he was hardcore looking but all I ever see him do is play online games.)
    PJs35

    Comment by PJs35 (original poster) at 10:16 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • Well, he's there now. You made the step to let someone in. So start with the conversation, and see how that goes. Don't wait any longer, or he will think he's got it made there. He needs to stop acting like a child home on vacation.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 10:17 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • It always takes time to adjust to a situation. I do suggest that you sit down and talk about what you both expect from the other and where you see the relationship going. That way you're both on the same page. If he doesn't like that, maybe he does need to go back. I myself have dealt with domestic violence of all kinds and it's hard starting again. Give yourself a break and see where it goes. Remember that ground rules and guidelines are important and GOOD LUCK!
    derosia_mama

    Answer by derosia_mama at 10:19 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • It is time to sit him down and tell him flat out that if he wants to live with you things have to change and outline what I expect.
    Example:
    #1- actively go out and look for a job everyday (go to a temp agency, look at want ads, go to a job center....)
    #2- NO playing video games all day-- if you are home then clean up, fix dinner, do laundry.... this is NOT a hotel, you are expected to pull your own weight
    #3- NO sleeping all day- you will get up at a reasonable time to go job hunting and also help out around the house

    I would also give a deadline and if he is still unemployed or still does nothing all day- then kick him out and send him back home.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 10:31 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • Thanks for all the advice. I was thinking this same way just needed reassurance that I wasn't being a bitch. :)
    PJs35

    Comment by PJs35 (original poster) at 10:34 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • IMHO if he doesn't have a job in 2 weeks, or proves that he is seriously trying to get one, and starts helping around the house (if he's the one at home, he can clean, start dinner, do laundry) Then send him back to PA. You lived 2 years on your own, and although relationships take work, you usually know within the first month or two if it's going to work. Better to find someone else than to deal with someone who takes advantage of you. Good Luck. It's easy to fall into a pattern, and get used to that pattern, then one day you wake up and realize you are unhappy with the situation but you don't want to end it because your child is attached to that person....if he changes...great....but at the first sign he isn't pack his bags and send him packing.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 10:34 AM on Feb. 5, 2011

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