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2 Bumps

wondering why this is??

So a lot of married people get divorced right, it happens. But if the guy had kids with the ex wife and pays child support for them, then why does he have to put his life on hold??? What i mean by this, is that he is responsible for paying the child-support and a lot of women on this very site state that he shouldn't get remarried or have other kids until he is done paying the child-support. Well shouldn't that be the same for BIO moms they shouldn't be able to move on with their lives until their kids are adults??? SO why is there such a double standard. And if your wondering where i am getting this from is from other mothers on this very site.

Answer Question
 
mrssundin

Asked by mrssundin at 1:38 PM on Feb. 5, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 19 (6,722 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • he doesnt have to put his life on hold. but he does have to pay child support til that child turns 18, whether he likes it or not. if he finds a woman who is willing to have some of his income go to that, even if they eventually have children together, good for them. but he should not be able to stop supporting his previous child(ren) because he moved on.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 1:42 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • I do not believe in double standards...

    Those same women you speak of stating a man should place their lives on hold should be doing the same or keeping their mouths SHUT... my mother used to tell me, "What is good for the goose is good for the gander"!!!

    Personally I am grateful I do not have such narrow views, I don't hold my ex hostage, I don't harrass whoever he is with, and I don't care enough about his personal life to ask because I moved on with mine and don't care? Those women using the kid to control an ex obviously haven't let go and moved on with their lives yet, and they are miserable otherwise they wouldn't care about who their ex is dating
    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 1:43 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • They do not have to put their life on hold. They just need to be able to and meet the responsibilities of the old relationship and the new. Just as a woman has to meet the responsibilities of the old and the new.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 1:44 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • ive actually never heard that, in fact ive heard the opposite, that the fathers get to move on but the mothers are not supposed to have boyfriends because "its not right while raising children on her own" or that she is a "sl*t" for going to another man, and that men get to get the kids but the women are the ones who keep the children most of time. I could be completely wrong of course...thats just what i heard. I guess it depends on where you live and who you talk to. If your having issues with this though...perhaps finding support for the exhusband is a good step? Good luck with your question!
    Bobbysgurl

    Answer by Bobbysgurl at 1:45 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • Don't know what the hell you are talking about. I have never seen anyone say that.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 1:46 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • He doesn't have to stay single but he can't have kids with the new person and then ignore his previous ones. That's the only way his moving on shouldn't be allowed. Moving on from the ex is okay but you should never move on from your children.
    MamaStuart

    Answer by MamaStuart at 1:47 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • well mommy of two you havent been on this site long enough then, cause you will see other ladies leave comments like that when a step mom complains about the step kids ha ha ha..
    mrssundin

    Comment by mrssundin (original poster) at 1:48 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • I am not saying not pay your child support, i am saying put your life on hold while the mother gets to move on with her life. A lot of women complain about him having another life with another woman and use the kids to get back at the man. You see it a lot. And i think why a lot of woman say this is because they know if the man has a child with his new wife the child support gets deducted or reduced from the previous set amount.
    mrssundin

    Comment by mrssundin (original poster) at 1:50 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • Women honestly expect this?
    zebbiebug

    Answer by zebbiebug at 1:51 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • well mommy of two you havent been on this site long enough then, cause you will see other ladies leave comments like that when a step mom complains about the step kids ha ha ha..

    I've been here for 4 years. I see stepmoms complain but never someone say that the ex shouldnt be allowed to get married.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 1:51 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

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