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How do you get over your SO having an emotional affair???

My husband recently came back home from a deployment. During this last deployment he connected with an old female friend who was going through a divorce. I happened upon the e-mail correspondence while getting some information that he asked me to get from his account. The conversations cut me to the core, things like "if I could give you our one night" and "I thought it would be you and not her". The thing is that I know he didn't actually mean any of it. I know him better than even his own family does. We've been best friends for more than half of our lives and married for almost 8 years. So my question ultimately is how do you let something like this go? He's had zero contact with her, and I've talked to her, she understands where I am because her divorce was from her husbands cheating.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Nov. 16, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • continued.....for more information.... I can't stop thinking about it. Random things remind me of what has happened. Eventhough he has gone above and beyond to prove himself to me I just can't seem to let this go. I do my best to rationalize the way I feel and keep myself from blowing up at him when my mind wanders. I just don't know how to get past this. Please help!!!!!!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • Wow. That's a tough one. If you believe in God, pray. Only He can help you with this. Or you might try counselling.
    rhope4

    Answer by rhope4 at 3:45 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • I went through something similar- not the deployment. I wish you would contact me and message me. I would love to share how I dealt with it. Also even though it is not pornography- there is an EXCELLENT group on cafemom about husbands who are in one way or another unfaithful. I know you are in a TON of pain right now and can't stop thinking about why you are inferior to her- message me we'll chat- just remember it's NOT about you- it's about HIM.
    lovetoteachec

    Answer by lovetoteachec at 3:50 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • you need to talk to him about it. Other wise where will it get you? no where. Obviously you don't know your husband if he did this.. How do you know he didn't mean it? Just because you have known him for half your life? You will never know unless you talk to him.
    jessicamelia83

    Answer by jessicamelia83 at 4:20 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • It was probably just a little extra excitement for him and attention. I'm not saying he has an excuse, but sometimes people can enjoy the attention even though they never want to lose the one they really love. It's going to take some time before your thoughts fade. You will probably think you are getting better then you'll think about it again and get angry again. Just try to be patient. Accept and require the attention he is now giving you and give him attention as well. You have a reason to not trust him for awhile and he should be ok with that. He has to earn your trust...although I have know I idea how that is done...but that's what everyone says. You'll be ok with time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:47 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • i how can you say he didnt mean it.
    jbirchard

    Answer by jbirchard at 2:42 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

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