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2 Bumps

with a divorce who gets the kids?

I'm thinking about seperation and just in case it follows to a divorce i was wondering on which grounds they decide whit whom the children stay with?
My husband is in the military but soon be for now i dont have a job can i be labeled unfit for that reason?my husband already said in case of a divorce he keeps the boys.
i dont think that is any fair since i was the one who raised the first one 10mos by myself because he was deplyed and in general it is me caring for them. He also goes to mental health for different issues(like anger managment, panic attacks) can i bring that up to prove he isnt fit to raise them? i must mention that im absolutely NOT trying to keep him away from his children!
But a major thing would be that i would be moving back to Germany in a case of a divorce(thats why he's so rigorous about keeping them). hate to think about that since my parent's are divorced i really dont want that to happen but in case i want to be sure that they stay with me because i believe he would be overwhelmed (as he is now when i leave him with both of them for a couple of hrs...)
Thanks so much!


Asked by Anonymous at 4:40 PM on Feb. 5, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I was discussing divorce and custody with a lawyer myself and she said an out of state or even a far in state move is a no no. Something about both parents having easy access to their children on a daily basis for joint custody. Now, I think sole custody would be completely different ...

    Answer by JZ10FPM at 11:00 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • Oh boy. You've got a couple conflicting issues here. You would retain custody because you have been primary caregiver to the children...except for that whole 'move back to Germany' part. You have to prove a pretty serious case to get permission from the courts to make a move like that with the kids. It may come down to an either/or situation for you. Keep the kids or move back.

    You'll need an attorney...and a *really* good one.

    Answer by desert_diva at 4:46 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • I don't think you will get them if you are planning on moving out of the country with them. Judges see that as a huge no no. Even if you get custody, because of your wish to do this, you will probably get huge restraints placed on not only where you live, but where you even travel. I know if I were your husband I would make darn sure that you could never take the kids out of the country.

    I don't mean to sound harsh about this, but judges see children as needing dads in their lives.

    Answer by lilangilyn at 4:47 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • Whoever is the best for the children, usually the mother.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 4:42 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • i know that moving back to Germany part is a big issue and i wouldnt consider it if i didnt feel like i have better chances to establish a good living over there for me and the kids. i understand,too,that they need their dad and i wish it was easier than what it is right now. he said he wanted to go work in Germany as a civilian for the Army would that change the situation in any way since it would be easier for him to see them? ughhh..what a mess! i feel like im the bad person in all this

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:00 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • He's going to have a harder time proving you're unfit. The judge will almost always go with the mother, no matter what. For crying out loud, your raised kids BY YOURSELF for months at a time, they know you best!
    Talk to a lawyer, consultations are almost always free.

    Answer by marine_wife0520 at 8:23 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • no it has nothing to do with being unfit these days. If he leaves, and you have the children then you will most likely have them, unless you decide to work it out with him on the arrangement.

    Answer by brieri at 8:30 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • You will get custody of your kids because you are the primary care giver. but do not cout on moving to germany with them.fathers also have rights. if you want to do that be prepared t ogive them up.i'm divorced and if iwanted to move away and it was to far for my ex to see the kids he could make a issue out of it.

    Answer by seashore29 at 9:14 PM on Feb. 5, 2011