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What can I do to keep peace in my house.

MY question is I recently got married a years and 4 months ago and all is good however i have a 16 year old son who is spoiled and gives me grief. He raises his voice and is very lazy so when he doesn't do as I ask him to i yell and yell and yell until he does it and of course he yells back.

He loves my Husband and listens to him great its just me but now its getting worse where my son thinks he runs the house and of cours im not letting that happen so we yell and yell especially if he wants to go places and I say no, he is very disrespectful and my husband doesn't say a word (he stays out of it) because its not his son but he is very stressed and said he sometimes just wants to leave and go back to his old life and the quietness he had and I don't blame him at all. The home should be a calm place but mine isn't. I don't want to put him out and have to choose my husband over my son i'm scared.

The last week has been good but how long will that last, its hard being in his shoes a step fater, he hates the way my son talks and yells at me but he said it's our issue and he dont want to get involved. What shall i do.....

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dusty1962

Asked by dusty1962 at 7:48 PM on Feb. 5, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 17 (3,831 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Stop yelling and start takeing things away from him.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:53 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • Try counseling, there seems to be something going on with him.
    andria82

    Answer by andria82 at 7:55 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • Yelling isn't working. You said he was spoiled and it sounds like it. I would do up a behavior contract and have hubby mediate it. The three of you come up with the house rules and the punishments and rewards for behavior. Then stict to it. This means you will have to follow through on all the details of the contract, so make sure you are willing to do them, or it will not work at all. Things will improve, and you won't have to yell, just refer to the contact and leave it at that. It will suck for a little while but then the three of you will see changes. And when he does something you like, tell him thank you or I appreciate X. Even if he roles his eyes keep telling him, I am sure he secretly likes it, who doesn't. And see if hubby can take son out for a little male bonding, he isn't the enforcer and shouldn't be but he can be a big brother or uncle type figure for him and a great resource for the two of you.
    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 8:35 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • I agree with taking things away. Don't give him any spending money, take away any electronics...laptop. phone, gaming systems, take away his clothes... give him three outfits... one to wash, one to wear and one to spare...if it is as bad as you say it is I would take everything out of the bedroom with the exception of the bed and a dresser... remove the door as well....let him know that all of these things are priviledges he has to earn. Let him know the rules of the house and what you expect of him, if he can't follow then don't give anything back.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 9:09 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • Do not yell anymore, period. When you do, you are giving that child your power. It is not effective. It doesn't work. I don't know how your husband hasn't already left. I would have. I really respect him for not getting involved though, that doesn't work either. You need to step up and stop spoiling your son. Go to counseling with him so you can heal your relationship and learn how to communicate. That way, when he has kids and gets married he'll know how to talk, not just yell all the time, and you and your husband and your son can all have a peaceful home. Good luck! You can do this!
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 9:13 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • Stop yelling. It isn't working. Like others have said, you need family counseling.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 9:26 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • Definatly stop yelling back!!! That is teaching him to yell more.....tell him no if he yells just ignore him. Let him know that maybe when he starts to show you some respect and talk to you like he should then maybe you will concider letting him do things. If he thinks his life is rough just wait till you clean out his room and all he has is a bed. Stop giving into him and teach him that you have to earn things in life not just have them handed to you. AW the joys of parenting, you can do this!!! If you dont do something now it will only get worse my dear!! Good luck
    lil_momma_vdv

    Answer by lil_momma_vdv at 10:37 PM on Feb. 5, 2011

  • i agree with some of the ladies; take away his stuff and his prevelages.
    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 1:35 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • I sat down with my son when he was 15, after the back talking had really started and his being short with me etc. I was open with him about how it made me feel. I told him it hurts when he talks to me that way. I told him that I wanted us to have a better relationship and I was tired of the constant battling. I told him what I expected of him. I pointed out all the things he has (his freedom, his ability to be with friends when he wants, the few chores he has, the money I give him etc, then told him my expectations were simple, do your chores, you tell me who, when, where and why you're going out, you answer your phone and check in. It's that simple. Then I asked if him if it was too much to do these things, he said no of course. I told him I was worried that we were hurting our relationship and I didn't want to loose him, that I love him more than anything and I was scared. cont...
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 2:46 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • He pointed out a few things that I do that upset him - of which I had no idea or simply overlooked how my actions impacted him.
    He started to cry towards the end, I was already crying. He gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek and told me he loved me and he was sorry for being that way.
    I apologized for the things I did as well. Since then - things have been really good.
    Maybe a sincere heart to heart would help. I know for me it did wonders, sometimes they just need to know how we really feel without all the stress and not in the heat of the moment. Maybe that will help, maybe counseling.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 2:48 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

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