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Does this make me a bad mom?

I have a 17 month old DD. She is a handful......wakes up at 6.30am every morning, we play, feeding her, changing her, etc. She takes short naps, like 30-40 mins but I have other things to do at that time, around the house, that I can't do when she's up. I find myself wishing I was alone so many times throughout the day. Wishing I was far away, in a quiet place, with no one around but me and just relax. At the end of the day, I am SO exhausted, that the last half an hour or so that she's up, I keep wishing her to get sleepy earlier so I can have a bit more time to myself........At times I wish she wasn't around for like a week so I could just relax a bit......I love my daughter to death but I have no family around to help (I'm in another country) and my husband works long hours, I am totally alone and she can be a handful most of the times. Does this make me a bad mother? :(

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:56 AM on Feb. 6, 2011 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (9)
  • Do you involve her in chores? She is not too young to help with laundry and cleaning (as long as you are using non-toxic cleaners). Include her in what you need to do; chores may take longer, and not be done perfectly, buy she will be developing great habits.

    This Is what we use for most cleaning (initially used as part of my daughter's 6th grade science fair project). It is cheap (my favorite) and non-toxic.
    1/4 cup white vinegar
    3/4 cup warm tap water
    1 tablespoon baking soda
    10 drops of tea tree oil (antibacterial, antifungal, etc.)
    2 drops oil of lavender essential oil (optional) (antiseptic and smells nice)
    For extra scrubbing, I make a paste with salt, baking soda and vinegar.

    Do you have a friend, neighbor or family member who will trade child care with you?
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:29 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • No. I don't care what anyone else here says. Having a child can be overwhelming. Having a child and having no help.. EXHAUSTING!
    I have 4 kids and I have been pretty much doing on my own for about 3 years straight now and I gotta tell you, my fuse is short and I snap.. like THAT!. I'm taking a long awaited and so very needed vacation in march.

    Just breath and find moments to relax here and there. The time YOU want is NEVER the time you'll actually get. Get a bath basket together with all the soaps and bubble baths and things you would need for a warm relaxing bubble bath. As soon as your DD is down make a run for it and take that bath!!

    GL momma
    4xsthetrouble

    Answer by 4xsthetrouble at 6:31 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • No, it doesn't make you a bad mom! It makes you human, and it makes you a tired mom of a toddler. I do know how it feels - my dh is in the Navy, and my kids are 15 months apart. We lived overseas for a big chunk of when they were little, and I know how hard it can be!

    But just try to hang in there - I know it doesn't help to hear this now, but it does get easier!

    Also, maybe try to make friends with some of the other moms there, so that you all could take turns giving each other a break - like, you take them every Tuesday morning, she takes them every Thursday morning, that sort of thing... Or, maybe you can find a teen or pre-teen that lives near you that might want to make a few bucks being a "mother's helper" - they come play with your lo, etc, while you're there and getting things done, taking a break, etc.

    (((hugs))) you aren't a bad mom!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 6:35 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • Every mom feels like that at some point. It definitely does not make you a bad mom. I love my sweet baby boy more than like but there is usually at least one point every day that I'd like to chunk his little butt out the window lol. Kids are a lot of work, especially at this age. Doing it by yourself is even more challenging.
    courtloux_128

    Answer by courtloux_128 at 7:12 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • Do you know anyone else with small children? Maybe once a week you could trade off for an hour or 2 of free time for each of you. I had 2 small children very close in age and often felt overwhelmed---and my dh worked long hours, too. I paid a young teen a little bit of money to watch them while I took a half an hour walk several times a week just to clear my head----helped me tremendously. And you know, your house does not have to be perfect----while the child is down for naps, take your me time----you need it as much as the child needs the nap----and you will find yourself much better to cope with all the activity. And my gd, a toddler, likes to watch me do things----so when I am cooking when she is over, I put her on the counter near me, give her this container of cooking utensils, and she watches me and plays with those things. Good luck---before you know it, they will be headed out the door for school.
    lecates

    Answer by lecates at 7:34 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • Aww sweetie - you're not a bad time, you're just tired. I get my toddler involved in cleaning, picking up toys, playing with his cars, whatever. You have to teach her to play independently - my now 3yo will play happily for at least an hour at a time while I'm getting my chores done; you'll get there!
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:57 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • How many naps does she take a day? I would try keeping her up through on of her naps in hopes that she might sleep a little longer.
    MomMom23

    Answer by MomMom23 at 10:13 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • I agree with mommom in trying to change her napping. Can you get her to one nap? Maybe after lunch? Have you tried getting out to your local libray's storyhour and/or looking at www.meetup.com for a moms' group? Maybe if you found a couple of new friends you could exchange babysitting once in awhile. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 10:49 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • Your not alone. On weekends there are times I am waiting for naptime to just relax. My twins are 19 months. They take long naps though (2-3 hours) maybe try going places. Like a gym with a daycare. Put her in the daycare and workout or relax in the hot tub. Maybe look for play groups so you can chat with moms while she plays. You are not alone. No matter how much we love our kids, we all need me time! It will get better so take solice in that!
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 11:45 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

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