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2 Bumps

Am I wrong?

I'm taking off for 4 days to visit a sick relative and leaving my 13 yo dd NOT by herself. I had just asumed that my husband would adjust his hours so that he could take her down to the bus stop (it's down our hill about 1 1/2 blocks away and it's Winter. I say by herself as her father informed me "what do you expect me to do take vacation time to take care of her?" I said, no that I thought you would adjust your work time. She would be home over 1 hr by herself in the afternoon which wouldn't be bad but just didn't like her to be home 1 1/2 hrs by herself in the mornings when he's off to work. Safety reasons mostly. It's not just one day, IT'S 4. I made arangements with the neighbors so she can ride with them in the mornings. Maybe I shouldn't have done that and just made him arrange his schedule? Am I wrong?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:27 AM on Feb. 6, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • I wouldve arranged something too, she is old enough to take care of herself for that amount of time. I think as long as she has a phone just in case then its not a big deal.
    jenn4443

    Answer by jenn4443 at 7:39 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • Honestly, I don't think there's anything wrong with your 13 yr old staying by herself before and after school for that amount of time. I understand your worry, and it would have been nice if your dh could have adjusted his schedule, but I don't think it's horrible that he didn't, kwim? Especially since you worked things out with the neighbors for her to get a ride in the mornings.

    Go, take care of your relative, and try not to worry (I know it's hard, moms worry!), but she's going to be ok!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:41 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • Did you discuss this with your husband or did you tell him about this? If you told him, his response might be out of frustration for not being included in the plan making. Men can be funny that way.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 7:44 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • I think 13 is old enough to be alone, take care of herself for ahour or two. And get up and get ready for school/go to the bus stop on her own. Unless she is very immature or disabled?

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:54 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • I think you've done all you can do -as most moms do- making special arrangements w/ the neighbors. You know your dau best, but most 13 y/o girls are mature enough to handle this amt. of time on their own. As long as all doors are locked while she's home alone, I think this experience will be a good one for her to spread her wings as an growing, independent young lady. Hope all goes well w/ the relative you're going to visit. God bless you for taking time to care for them as well. :)

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 8:40 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • I agree with the others. My parents worked and at that age my sister and I got ourselves ready in the morning and were home for a little while before my mom got off of work. Now you said "safety reasons". What are you worried about? Do you live in a bad neighborhood? Are you worried about boys? Id go with your gut and ifyou need to have her supervised then def do it. GL!!
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 8:44 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • I think she will be fine, and you did the right thing by arranging a schedule for her. I take care of the kids school in our home, DH works - I don't think he even knows exactly where their schools are.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:36 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • i would keep that documented... dad would not make reasonable arrangements for the safety of his kid when he had notice that it would be necessary - it is good that you found someone to take her - i agree that isnt safe... he isnt much of a father to not worry about his dd getting abucted walking alone to the bus stop.. my sil deals with stuff like that with her ex.
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 10:05 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • No, you are not wrong making arrangements for the morning with the neighbors. She should be fine in the afternoon for the one hour.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 10:11 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • I understand your concern but she is 13 now. Its only a few hrs a day and they r split up so its not for a long time. Remenber back to when u were 13. I was being paid to watch other peoples kids then even took a babysitters course at 12. I had a friend ready to call the cops on her step mom for leaving her 12yrld sister home alone for a few hrs, the cop pretty much laughed at her. But in the end I think it depends on whether or not u trust your daughter and if you can handle the fact that she is growing up. I do think it was a good idea to have her drive to school with neighbors though because of all the snow. But kids younger than her walk to school everyday. I have a few friends whos kids are in elementary school and need to cross a major road to get to school (yes they do get driven, but many dont) If there was no snow... its not even 2 blocks... learn to let go she is growing up.
    kadensmom04

    Answer by kadensmom04 at 10:52 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

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