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For women in their 30's...questions about wanting to go out and have fun..

Ok..so this has nothing to do with wanting to get drunk or party "too hard"..but I'm only 31 (I know, not old yet)but do any of you women in your 30's feel like you want to go out and party a little before you get older? My husband is wonderful--except he never wants to go out and socialize..I used to work in nightclubs years ago..and I enjoy socializing, dressing up, etc...maybe it's just me..but does any of you have this problem? Like your husband never wants to go out and "have fun?" He says.."Why do we need to go out 'clubbin' and get hammered?" I told him.."I don't want to get hammered, I just miss going out and socializing, having a few drinks, dressing up nice, etc..." He just says, "why? We are a family, we don't need to do those things." Sigh..(no we are not religious either)...I guess my issue is that I have all these wonderful "dress up shoes/clothes" but never gets to "use them"...lol...I just feel that 10 years will go buy and I will one day try to make up for having fun when I'm much older. By the way, my hubby is one year YOUNGER then me.and he is not actually the boring type..but he never seems to just want to go out and have drinks and have fun at a few bars sometimes. I think part of my issue is that I'm a stay at home mom..so I feel that I want something to look forward to once in awhile. He does work 12 hour days and also works on Sat. We have a GOOD marriage, etc. I tell him.."women sometimes want to just dress up nice and feel like a "women"...take us out, socialize. (Buy the way, I'm not the spoiled type..and this has nothing to do with wanting more "attention"). I guess working at night clubs off and on for the last decade I miss the "party scene"---note--I NEVER is the type to get drunk or even do drugs..so it isn't that. I just feel that all my other friends (our age), go out and enjoy a bit of party time every now and then..while we just stay home and not do much. We DO have one child, and babysitting is never an issue. He is just sort of "non-social"--although he loves to do "outdoor recreational stuff"..I just wish we could go out and "have more fun". Sigh...does any of you go through this? AGain, being in our 30's is YOUNG..lol...I just get a bit scared that my youth will go buy, and by the time I'm in my late 40's and 50's and will look back and wish I had more fun...and even when we were in our 20's--he wans't much of a "going out and socializing" type person..:( I told him I just want to go out, listen to music, dress up, and have some fun...heck--I don't even NEED a drink!

Sooooooo...anyone else feel this way? I guess it sort of hits you when you turn 30...lol...I know age is only a number...but I just want more fun time, before we both turn too old.lol...sorry I guess I'm just venting....hugs and thank you to all who responds. ;)

 

Some things to consider: Our daughter is 10 , so babysitting is not an issue.

-When I use to bar tend, he would sometimes visit me--but it would take a lot of begging to get him to go lol

-We don't have a lot of family here since we moved 4 years ago.

-He IS the kind of guy who worries about spending a lot of "money"--but we are not broke.

-Most of our close friends that we DO have are all busy having babies so they are too busy to go out right now..lol

-He always makes the exuse that "I dont like a lot of people out here to hang around with"..sigh...

-he did mention one time that he doesn't like going around huge crwods--but he isn't totally "anti-social"

-I'm not a huge party  animal--never was really, but I think working in the entertainment business for years--makes me miss it now...especially seeing all my "facebook friends" who ARE in thier 30's talk about how much "fun" they had over the weekend--makes me jealous and makes me feel like I'm "missing out." Sigh

-What's sad is that I know for  a fact, that if we lived near his family again--he would most likely want to go out more...where out here, he never does at all now.

-And I never bug him by the way...heck..even my sisters who are older then me (but live states away)--even still go out and party once in awhile. :( He says I make it a big deal...but I dont think I am not.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:12 AM on Feb. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I'm 41, and DH and I go out about every 2 weeks. Dinner, to a bar to see a band, whatever. We both like dressing up and going out, so I'm pretty lucky. If he doesn't want to go with you, have a girls night! (I have friends that the husband never wants to go out, the wife is a social butterfly; she goes out with the girls and he stays home with the kids. It works out really well for them.)
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:21 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • I am 39 now and I just started to go out 5 years ago dress up and go to the movies or out with my friends to nice art galleries and fun art openings plays and working out. I even go out to a couple clubs or concerts even if I have to go by myself. One day a month or a couple days a month for you and your husband it has to happen even if you are a family. Trust me it will make your relationship better. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:21 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • You're both right...heck, even my parents went out a LOT when I was little...they had fun too. I just feel "old" for my age..lol...I just look in my closet and get all upset because I have so many cute outfits and shoes, and they are getting "dusty" :( I know I'm sounding like a spoiled brat...(I'm really not)--i also work online at home..I always appreciate my life, since I don't have to be anywhere at a "certain time"..and he does work his butt off really hard. :( The funny thing tho..he is from CA (so am I), and he was the "surfer/snowboarding" type---he likes things like that, but now we are in the south--where the area we live--not too much to do. When we lived in TX a few years ago, he did like to go out to comedy clubs, and that was even fun..but we were only there while he went to school...so sigh...I wish we lived near his brother again--I know if we did--he would want to go out more.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:36 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • Will add..I think part of his reason is he just doesn't like where we live--but there IS still places to go and "hang out"..but he just gets in a party pooping mood when I suggest going to a bar--listening to a band, the casinos, etc...he still always makes an excuse. Note--he never has a "guys night out"--which I've also suggested to him before (maybe I'm lucky he isnt the type to go out with the guys too much and leaves me at home,.lol..so I DO know I'm lucky with that---being that I've heard horror stories about men wanting to go to "strip clubs" with their friends too much...but at the same time..he never wants to go and have fun...he is also not the controlling type..I thought for once maybe he doesn't want other guys seeing me dressed up--but it cant be that--since I used to do that years ago at work anyways..lol...sigh..I just feel like I'm "missing out"--expecially since we have no excuse to NOT go out.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:39 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • I can relate to the both of you. I don't think you're wrong for wanting a social life, most people want to have a social life! Then there are people like your husband and me, who absolutely could not care less about having a social life. We're the freaks, not you, in my opinion.
    I think that your husband should support you and participate in social experiences. For one thing, the more someone who is not social does that sort of thing, the more fun it becomes for us, I know that from experience. When I think about going and doing something social, I too make all these stupid excuses like "I don't know anybody" and "I have nothing in common with these people" blah blah blah...The truth is, I don't know that I have nothing in common with them! So I think the two of you should find some kind of compromise--maybe you pick an activity one week and him another week or something.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 9:57 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • I remember him one time mentioning his "lisp" when he talks (which I never even noticed it when I first met him (9 years ago)..but one time he started opening up saying he doesn't like socializing because he fears someone will make fun of the way he talks (which I have my insecurities as well)it was heartbreaking to hear him worry (since most men just turn inside and never talk about what bothers him)so I think that's one reason he avoids going out to clubs or bars..since one time he said "what do you think you do when you go somewhere that is "loud."..you have to "Talk loud"..and I think he is insecure about "speaking" infront of others..but it's sad because he has gone out with me before..its just a huge tooth pulling to get him to go out and just have fun. I even joke and say.."when you go out to a bar , ppl are too busy dancing or drunk that you dont have to say much."..but that doesn't wk. I hate stayin home every weeknd
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:04 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • Why don't you all try Date Night? Twice a month. You have a big girl, so I hope she has friends she can stay with over night. (Do NOT leave her home alone!!) Easy him into the whole thing. I am not big on going to Clubs, but I don't mind once in awhile. But going to bars is more our style. Try a place that has pool, sports, and live music with a dance floor. It something for everyone. And if he is worried about spending money. Try meeting for Happy Hour, if possible. During Happy Hour you can leave your daughter home alone..... Good Luck. I hope you all can come to a mutual place of enjoyment!!
    eluc

    Answer by eluc at 10:07 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • And you're not a freak- Fistandantalus.you're so sweet. :) I think it's ok to not want to party all the time..just that he never wants to. I get cabin fever since I already stay home all the time. Even when sometimes his buddys DO invite us to go somewhere (his co-workers), he always turns them down. I know his own mother parties too much, and I can see why she does..lol...I also think part of my issue is I had my daughter young, and I never had fun that much (unless I was working--but I was "working".not just relaxing--even tho it was still fun to be around music, lights, dressing up, etc). So now that I don't work in bars, I wish I was still going to them once in awhile. By the way, we never go on vacation either. :/ Sorry if I'm sounding like a whiny women..lol..just wish I had more of a social life right now..it seems all I do is socialize online...and he gets on to me about that too..lol
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:09 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • @Eluc--I would never leave my girl at home by herself, so no worries. ;) My parents live near us, so babysitting is not a problem. :) He just doesn't want to go out. Now, I do know him working on Saturdays is partly the reason he isn't up to it...since he only has Thurs and Sundays off..so that's part of the reason (I dont blame him). He will have an excuse for everything.."drinks are too costly," or "I'm tired", or "downtown is too ghetto and dangerous" (it IS a bad place so I can't blame him)..but there are other night clubs near by in good areas. One time we spent only $30 at the casinos, and he freaked out about that..lol...by the way, he is a fit man too! He doesn't even smoke or drink (I smoke, but I hardly drink-only socially). He seems to be a 60 year old man in a 30 year old body..while I feel like a 18 year old in a 31 year old body :(
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:14 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • I tended bar for almost 30 years. I'm a people person; always was, always will be. My husband knew this when we married. He on the other hand--is not. He's an admitted social misfit. I have not & never will, sacrifice my need for my "people fix", just because he isnt comfortable doing so. When we go out together (rare) I have a terrible time because he just SITS & says nothing, no matter how hard people try to get him to talk. I do not go out to SIT and do nothing, I can do that at home. Our solution? I go out without him when I need my people fix. I like my country music & I like to chat with people. I refuse to sit at home & deprive myself of what makes me happy, nor will I apologise for needing it. If your husband wont go out with you, go on your own. You're a grown woman, so go out & have fun while you can! Maybe if your husband sees you're going out & having fun, perhaps he'll get out of that rut he's in.
    RubyinPA

    Answer by RubyinPA at 10:27 AM on Feb. 6, 2011

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