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How can i get my daughter to sleep on her own?

im such a push over when it comes to my daughter crying for me at night. Im pretty strong all the other times, but at night i have a real tough time. I have co-clept with my daughter since day one...she's ALWAYS hated sleeping alone, and when she was an infant she was colic so sleeping with me calmed her why not..right?
Now shes 19 monthes, and wont seem to sleep alone except for naps. When it comes to sleeping alone through the night it just doesnt happen. I'll get her to fall asleep (singing and rocking..yes i STILL do that. Or a story) and then i lay down with her till shes out for the night. I can get up and go about my night but when its MY turn to get in bed..its like she KNOWS and will start crying. I dont mind her company most of the time, but my inlaws seem to have a MAJOR issue with it, and i am unfortunatly living with them temporarily.
So, what can i do? I WILL NOT stick her in a pack n play and let her "cry it out". I am a FIRM beliver in "attachment parenting". Is the co sleeping wrong? will she ever out grow it on her own? Shes still young and her father is outta town alot, so its nice not sleeping alone..but when he is home i'd like to be able to have him to myself...WHAT CAN I DO?

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Asked by XxFade2BlackxX at 2:40 PM on Feb. 6, 2011 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 4 (43 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • My son would not go to sleep without me rocking him to sleep. I couldn't take it anymore that every night, I had to sit in a chair for who knows how long to get him to sleep, so I'm sorry but I disagree with your "no crying it out" feelings. I made the decision at around 18 months to tuck him into his crib and let him cry it out. He cried for maybe an hour the first night, maybe 30 minutes the next 2 nights, and by the end of the week, he was going to sleep without a peep.

    Answer by CassiRae3 at 2:45 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • If your a firm believer of the co sleeping and its not affecting you other than because your inlaws dont like it then let her keep sleeping with you, just because you live with them doesnt give them the right to micromanage your parenting. I cant really give you any tips because i did the cry it out with my son and it worked but since you dont want to do that, let me think of something else...can you play soothing music for her at night? in like a cd player? A nightlight too so she can see where she is, a teddy bear with your scent? My son sleeps with a teddy bear that has been mine since i was young and he loves that thing as moth eatten as it is lol. He smells my scent on there and always hold it up to his nose at night. do you have any white noise or is it silent? My son really loves a fan in his room, so do i too. I cant stand sleeping in complete silence...i freak out lol. Good luck!!

    Answer by Bobbysgurl at 2:46 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • I feel your pain, I co slept with both my boys but I started the transfer to sleeping by them selves early. I co slept with him until about 6 months and then when he fell asleep I had dad put him in his bed. And I continued this pattern all night until slowly he slept longer and longer in his own bed. I never let either one of them cry for me, if he woke up I grabbed him and put him in my bed. When my oldest was turning 2 and i needed the crib for the new baby we did what you are doing and that was to sleep with him if he woke and make our way back to our bed once he fell asleep. Keep strong but consistent and slowly your little one will be sleeping in her own bed. Don't let her feel pushed away and it will make it a lot easier. Good Luck!!

    Answer by ChristyW3 at 2:50 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • I guess i need to woman up in this sense. I cant have my cake and eat it maybe i will just have to let her cry it out. I know it wont be because shes hurt...she'll be crying cause shes frustrated..and thas ok. I wanna be able to just tuck her bed time and let her fall asleep on her own. time,she can crawl into bed with me if she wants, but id like her to first get use to sleeping on her own.
    my inlaws..micromanage my parenting is ALL they do. every move i make..every choice i make...from what my daughter what she eats and when i bathe her is all judged and critisized...I CAN NOT WAAAAAAIT to get the hell outta here. It was like..LAST OPTION type of thing yknow? So, would i be as pressured to get her in her own bed if we were back in our home?? Prolly not..but it needs to be done regaurdless so maybe having them on my backs (FOR THIS ONE THING, AND THIS ONE THING ONLY) could be good

    Comment by XxFade2BlackxX (original poster) at 2:54 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • You are not a push over you are a good mother. Every mother has it wired into them to respond to their children when they is heartbreaking.

    My son is 3 and still sleeps with us - he can sleep with us until he is ready to go in his own bed. I don't mind and it is wonderful for uas all to wake up and just laze a few moments before getting up.

    Answer by keyaziz at 3:00 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • My son is now almost 2 and he goes and lays in bed awake...even tells me he wants to go night night and makes his way upstairs to his room. He does sometimes come in and lay with me early in the morning for a few hours which I love since my husband is not here until July.
    Don't let inlaws influence you. I lived with my MIL for awhile and she hated the fact that I was trying to get him to cry it out. I fell for it and continued to do what I did until I finally moved when my husband got home. It is your child and your decision. They had their time to raise their child the way they wanted to.

    Answer by CassiRae3 at 3:01 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • I like all the responses, I was in the same situation where she wouldn't go to sleep on her own. My doc gave me a great idea you should try, at this age they are looking for you at all times, so get the baby physically tried but not over tired and start the first night with baby in pac in play or crib with your arms around him until he falls asleep, now this won't be easy backbreaking :) but do that for two or three days until used to it then maybe you just standing by the crib singing a couple days then maybe be in the room singing, but the key is consistency! This will take like a week or more. The key is to keep him happy not crying and slowly let her know its okay to be in pack in play or crib. The method is FERBERIZING. Named after the man who invented the method.It worked for me my daughter goes to sleep on her own but still wakes up 3-4 hours and she is 10 months so working on that now...:)


    Answer by Kelly2573 at 3:13 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • If you really want her to sleep in her own room, you have to use tough love. Get a routing going. 5 min warning before bath time, brush teeth, pick out a couple pairs of pjs and let her decide which ones she wants to wear. Get her into her own bed, read a story or two or sing a song with her. It might help to wait until she has fallen asleep before you leave. Onc you are in bed, if she gets have Routinely, put her back in bed, every time, every night. If she screams and cries, you can rub her back, you can scream and cry with her so she knows she isnt alone. But you have to force her to seep in her own bed. Talk to her about it, make sure she knows you love her. It will take alot of time, it will be tough, but you CAN do it and so can she!!! Good luck!! She wont grow out of it, my brother is 15... and makes my mom sleep in the living room with him.

    Answer by Tarrar at 3:23 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • its ok, i know how you feel about being micromanaged. your doing the best you can and i really admire you for that. let me just say also, when we let my son "cry it out" we didnt just stick him in his crib and let him cry all night. How we did it was for the first day we let him cry for 5 minutes, we would go in give him his binkie, his blanket and not say anything. Id rub his head without making eye contact, to make myself feel better lol and then leave and then go back in after another 5 minutes Then the next day was 10 minutes, then 30, then an hour, then 2 took about two weeks to fully get him to stay in his bed, i was exhausted but it was worth it. I didnt like the idea of just letting him cry it out all night so we did this, it helped me out emotionally and helped him out by not thinking i "abandoned or punished him" and helped him gain indepence. Good luck!!

    Answer by Bobbysgurl at 3:34 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

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