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My husband makes an effort to masturbate but not have sex with me!!!

I do not agree with masturbating, but if he is I want him to tell me he is or wants to. So he made a huge deal ab out it and now makes a huge effort to masturbate. He doesnt make any effort to make love with me. Im not sure whats going on... Why tug your rope when you have a loving beautiful wife waiting every night for you to come and make love to her??? I dont get it. We havent had sex in a month or more. But he doesnt care. He wants to masturbate! Whats up with this??? What shoudl I do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:21 PM on Nov. 16, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I'm not saying it's okay that he isn't wanting to be intimate with you, but why are you against masterbating? It is natural.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:24 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • I don't know but, my husband use to do the same thing! You have to tell him exactly how it makes you feel when he choses masturbating over sex with you! Tell him you need sex and intimacy and if you can't get it from him eventually you will get tired of waiting around on him and find someone who is interested in being with you!

    Answer by amydh at 7:26 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • Im not against masturbating really, I just want to be involved and it not be a secret or a sneak behind your back. He wont have sex with me, instead he masturbates, thats the problem!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:26 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • Ditto to amydh....let him know how it makes you feel that he does this. He's getting sexual satisfaction and you aren't....and that's not okay! Let him know in a kind way that he needs to get with the program or let you know what the problem is and what's going on. Talk. Communicate.

    Answer by sophiafarris at 7:30 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • This is very interesting, im in a similar situation. we dont have regular sex or intimacy but i know HE MASTURBATES. and im pissed im angry im hurt and i feel unwanted BY HIM. im sorry you are in this situation, im trying figure out what to do about mine.
    sincerely...Not ok

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:32 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • There are some men who become dependent on masturbation and it can become a problem. Do a google search and see if there is a sex therapist locally you can speak to.

    It may not have anything to do with you at all.

    Answer by pugpin at 7:38 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • Maybe he wants other things from you; did you try asking him if there are some fantasies that he has that maybe you could give him? There must be a reason why he won't have sex with you, only himself. Talk to him.

    Answer by Jerseymom1228 at 7:43 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • I know it sounds so cliche.... but I can understand why some people would choose to do it themselves rather than with their partner. Some people are too hard to please, some won't try new things, some want it their way or no way. I have a friend that says he prefers masterbation to having sex with his wife because she makes it feel like it's a chore to do, that she doesn't seem to like it and it's always in same position and she seems to just want him to hurry and be done with it. I can understand why he'd rather do it himself than feel like she doesn't want to be with him that way even tho she initiates sex. He says that he thinks the only reason she has sex with him is to try to get pregnant because she obviously doesn't enjoy it.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:50 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • Woah! thats not me! Or him1 when we do have sex its always very exiting and fun. We do different positions and oral sex. We have never had a problem with pleasing eachother. I love sex with him! I miss it now. I never make it a chore, in fact he usualy is the one to bring it on. sometimes me but mostly him. Lately he seems really uninterested.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:56 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • Glad to hear that, does he seem to feel okay most of the time? My hubby loses interest in sex occassionally and it's because he's diabetic, and has high blood pressure and has a stressful job. Maybe you could offer to do it for him or is he uncomfortable with that? Nothing you can do to make him stop masterbating but maybe you can find some new way to entice him.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:02 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

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