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2 Bumps

Meddling Wife - or Right move??

Background - my husband works in the oilfield -- and we are all one big family. Wives know and support each other, we all know each other, etc.
A few years ago DH worked for a different company - and I knew his boss there. We were all like, well - Family.. anyhow, this boss moved on to a bigger and better company then spent a year trying to recruit DH -- it meant a move 8 hours away -- major decision. So the boss called me one day and wanted to know why DH hadn't accepted his offer yet -- I told him it was money AND that *I* had questions and concerns I wanted answered before I would vote for it.... So he brought us out and all 3 of us sat down for a couple hours and hammered out all the questions and answers. We accepted the offer and moved. The boss told me that if I ever had any concerns/worries/questions to let him know and he's sit down with me , because he believes that his guys having the support of their family is important to everyone's success.

Side Note: this boss was brought here to clean up a failing yard

Now, 6 months later -- all hell is breaking loose (cleaning up process). DH (along with 5 others that this boss brought out here) are all losing faith.... it almost seems like the boss is turning his back on them.. They're all freaked out (one even threatened to quit). I've been telling them and telling them to go talk to him - BECAUSE I'm certain there is something going on that we aren't aware of AND that this guy (the boss) is a man of good character and moral value. But, he's also a tuff-a$$ boss --- and they are a lil intimidated by him.... But I'm not.

So the opportunity came up today for me to go to lunch with the boss ..... I did. And I picked his brain clean about all the hell that's been going on. I found out what page he's on and what the future plans are.... which by the way, DH and the others were afraid that he might leave and leave them here, OR he might be unhappy with them and be looking to replace them (paranoid men!) -- but I find out this ISN"T the case at all. I get all the answers these guys have been wanting/needing.... and this boss (who remember is a friend of mine, we've been like family for 5 years) laid out his 5 year plan with me.

DH has been coming home, stressed, worried, freaked out, etc. I've been trying to advise him (when he asks) --- but was never 100% sure I was right in what I was telling him..... now I know I'm 100% right... AND YES - DH knew I was going with the boss BEFORE we left. (there are no trust issues here). Plus it all stresses me out, and has kept me from developing social relationships in our new town for fear that we might not be here very long.

Anyhow, we spent a long time together, got a lot of things hammered out and he hugged my neck and told me Thank You (because I also got him back on track with some things).

I talked to my BFF afterwards and was telling her about it all - and she freakin flipped out! Couldn't believe that I would have the balls to go to lunch with DH's boss, and worse have the balls to pick his brain about work..... cuz she says it's none of my business.....

I say it's all my business.... I have known the boss for a long time, we have a good relationship (more like brother/sister or cousins, ya know). I had a personal invitation from him to come to him if it got to a place where I "needed" the answers from him. And I had DH's blessing beforehand. So.... if I can help DH, help me and help our situation (stress, worry, etc) by doing what I've been told I was welcome to do - then shouldn't I enjoy the right to take advantage of the opportunity when I get it?


Asked by ShelbyShareAlot at 7:29 PM on Feb. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,281 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • You did the right thing. Like you said you have known the boss, been friends with him long enough to know him well. Ignore your friends comments; what goes on with your husband's career is your business because you are married and anything that could affect his job will affect the relationship. You had your husband's support so there was no meddling on your part.

    Answer by momof2inCT2007 at 9:54 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • What happens in your life and your hubs is totally your business!  I think that you did the right thing.  It's better to just come out and ask then to sit around and worry.


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 7:36 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • IMHO, You did the right thing. I have friends that work in the oilfield and they all act exactly as you just described. I applaud you, and it most certainly is your business, this impacts your life just as much as the others. The only time I would tell you it was none of your business is if you weren't like family with those around you and your DH. You got things hammered out, you felt comfortable doing so, and you got a lot of questions answered. If the boss didn't want to talk to you, he wouldn't have had a problem telling you to butt the heck out. (if he's anything like other oil rig bosses lol). Kudos to you, and I hope you put your hubby and his co-workers minds at ease.

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 7:38 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • I think that you overstepped. This man more than likely played you. Made you think that he was sharing and getting what information that he wanted and giving you what he wanted to promote his position. You sound a little naive and I would say that your BFF might know what she is talking about. JMHO. Based only on what you said and the way you portrayed it.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 7:38 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • @ tootoobusy, I'm not being rude, I'm just wondering if you could explain where you saw that at, in what she said. The boss called and asked her why DH wasn't moving, then he sat down with both of them to hammer out the details of what needed to be done to get her husband with him in the field. I've read and reread her post and I just can't see what you see and how she portrayed it that she got played. Those that work in the Oil Fields are close it isn't like other businesses around, it's not like a fast food place, where yes I would have said you most definitely overstepped. But from her post her hubby's boss did everything he could to get them to give up everything and move 8 hours away, he knew that she was sacrificing everything to leave. So he is the one who put her in the position to go to him with any problem, and it sounds to me like she waited until she couldn't take any more.

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 7:45 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • ~*Smiles*~.. you have a blessing most people do not have! You have the ability to place yourself where it is usually not allowed? Most bosses first of all don't take a shining to anyone handling their employees business other than the employee they hired! Secondly, you have actual bond with them, which is rare... GOOD FOR YOU!!! And hope all continues to go and end well in the future!

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 8:25 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • I feel you trusted this boss and revealed your man's fears, whereas the boss played with you,
    i.e. acted like a caring guy, assured you etc.
    This man has let your husband and his team down, and now he's telling you about a 5 year plan.
    Believe me, this is a standard "marketing" / "diplomatic way to convince you and obtain your man's
    devotion for as long as he wants it.

    If it all fails, he's not really committed to anyone. He'll just go away and tell you
    "sorry, I didn't know things would turn out that way".

    Answer by lillyblue111 at 8:51 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • First of all, your BFF does not understand your past with his boss. She is jealous of what you did because she doesnt know him that well. There is nothing wrong with what you did as long as your husband doesnt care. You did something great for everyones relationship and if your BFF doesnt like it, oh well! She just can't understand so just let it go and be proud of what you have done!

    Answer by vernalea at 9:15 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • bravo. personally i think you did the right thing.

    Answer by ladymomtraveler at 7:56 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • He went to her because he knew that was the way to move her husband. He wanted her husband to help his position. Her husband and others have said that there are major problems. Now he has told her what he felt would be beneficial to him. He has her believing that she has all the answers and they are the answers he wants her to believe and spread.
    I just read it as a savvy business person telling a wife what she wants to hear and building her up to support him. I may be wrong I hope I am but I have worked along side executives, and it sounds like he is playing this woman to help him accomplish what he needs.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 8:06 PM on Feb. 6, 2011