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HOW DO I GET MY 8YR OLD STEPDAUGHTER TO LISTEN TO ME????

WE HAVE TRIED MANY DIFFERENT THINGS. HER MOTHER EVEN TRIED TO SIT DOWN WITH US AND TALK TO HER. THE 8YR OLD THINKS SHE IS DOING NOTHING WRONG BUT SHE IS. THE GIRL IS DISRESPECTIVE,DOES NOT LISTEN TO ANYTHING I SAY WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO WITH HER, WE EVEN TRIED TO MAKE HER STAY AT HOME INSTEAD OF OUR WEEKEND VISITS DONT WORK...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:59 PM on Nov. 16, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (7)
  • How about ask her what she thinks. You say she doesnt think she is doing anything wrong - ask her why she thinks this way.

    Try asking as many questions as possible and come to a solution together - even asking her what she thinks should happen etc.
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 8:02 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • Leave this up to her parents. It's their problem, not yours. I'd tell both mom and dad you are not disciplining the child so they better be ready and willing when something happens. Why should you be the bad guy? It's their job and she's there for visitation with her father.

    Also, it's very hard for a child to go through the divorce/split-up then visitation situation. Could you imagine having to go stay at someone else's house every weekend and have no choice in the matter. Could you imagine having to have a different husband two days a month and have no choice in the matter?

    God Bless the red-headed step-child.
    pugpin

    Answer by pugpin at 8:05 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • I have an 8 year old daughter and have the same problem - especially with her listening to my SO. He has been really tough on her making her answer (consequence) for each and every infraction...It was very tiring and tough, but she has since become a much better behaved child. She is my strong-willed, middle child syndrom kid and because of that I think that she is more prone to "test the boundarys". I have had this trouble with her since she was old enough to say the word no and mean it!! I would say be tough, don't give in - even when it seems you can't be tough anymore....she needs to know who is in charge and that it is NOT her!! If you do this, she will learn the ultimate lesson and this is the most valuable thing she could learn in life. Good luck!
    Babylove76

    Answer by Babylove76 at 8:07 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • *cont'd*
    Make sure, make sure, MAKE SURE that you AND her father both agree and back each other in front of her!!! This united front will save you TONS of heartache and frustration. My SO never ever does anything without us being a united front to the kids. This is so important to the kids especially in a blended family!!
    Babylove76

    Answer by Babylove76 at 8:11 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • I have the same problem, but she's 9 now, and a stepdaughter. She totally disrespects me, and it's like her dad allows it, I hate it. I've tried everything. My hubby and I have actually split up a cpl times over it. We're together now, but she's starting it again, and he doesn't see it. And he yells at me in front of her, I hate it. Like the other day, I was hurrying to get ready for my gmas 80th bday party, and running late, she decides she wants to take a shower, but she's going home, not with me. I got mad and said, y can't u just take a shower at home. My hubby yelled at me for a LONG time, right in front of her. I didn't do nothing bad, gosh. But he does NOT see it. I can tell him or talk to him til I'm blue in the face, and we just end up arguin. I love him, but wow. so, know what you're going thru. Im asking same question. how do we stop it?
    awmw06

    Answer by awmw06 at 8:36 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • Kids, believe it or not are very manipulative even at a very young age. My oldest started pulling stunts like this when she was 5 years old hoping that her dad and I would get back together. One thing that I have done on more than one occassion is have a meeting with her dad, his wife, my SO and myself and we ALL discussed what we were seeing and ideas on why she was doing it. Then, we would call her into the meeting and let her know how things would be at each house and that we all knew what was going on at both places and what was expected of her. This helped a lot with her trying to pull shananagins!!!
    Babylove76

    Answer by Babylove76 at 9:44 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

  • Wow, I think it is great you and her mom are on the same page. Keep that relationship at whatever the cost. It may be time to have some family therapy (her mom included if you are comfortable - she probably has issues in her home as well) as well as her to have some individual time with a counselor. Its not punishment, its help. Your not saying there is something wrong with her. Your saying, "hey we are all out of ideas, we love her, and we want her to be happy, healthy, and successful." She may feel insecure, anxious, or sad. When this happens they lie, talk back, and it gets chaotic. They want the ouside world to match what they feel on the inside: confused and choatic. The key is what you already have done. Be a team with your husband, her mom, and you. You will get there.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:07 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

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