Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Do we have any rights as a supposed grandparent?

What a mess!

I'll elaborate a bit.

About 4 mos. ago my dh and I were told that a baby of our oldest son's was his. He is 22 (was 21 at the time) and living on his own about 20 mins. from us. This would be a first grandchild for us. We are disappointed, as they are not married, but somewhat elated, as the child is not at fault and deserves 2 loving parents and grandparents that care for and adore him. We went to see our son and saw his girlfriend and the child as well. After the girlfriend left with the baby my husband asked our son who the father of the child was. He replied, "probably me". After many questions, he admitted that when the child was born she had another young man pinned as the father. He and his family were with her when she delivered. Shortly after the child was born she had a paternity test which excluded him as the biological father. THEN, she said it was my son's child.
We are at our wits end with this situation! We have asked that they have another paternity test to prove if our son is the father or not. They can't get on the same page with this and haven't to this day. The child will be 8 mos. old tomorrow. The mother has brought him over on several occasions and we have gotten really attached to him. She and my son are currently not together and she no longer brings him over. We are hurt. We want them to act like responsible adults and prove the paternity so that the child will know and also so we can step in and do more for the child. I thought I would present this situation here before I go see a lawyer who specializes in Family Law in TX. I've gone online and read some, but still would like more input. What would you do?

A stressed out possible grannie

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:42 PM on Feb. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Durno..bumping for you.

    Answer by -AJ at 10:45 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • In some states no.  I'm sorry!  Some states you do definitely have rights.  I'm so sorry, hugs for you!


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 10:46 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • If he's been paying for the child (buying it stuff) as well as bonding with it, even if it's not his the state may recognize it as his now, because by paying and getting emotionally attached it's like he's claiming ownership of the child.

    If your son has decided to play the role, and doesn't care about verification of the paternity, then I think you should just stay out of it, and act as if it's truly biologically yours, or risk upsetting your son.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • Most states as a grandparent you have no rights.

    Your son is the one that has to step up and get a paternity test if hes concern about it. He doesn't have to wait for her to make the first move..he can go court and request one and prove it once and for all..

    and even If it comes back His..that doesn't guarantee that the mother will let you be involved in the babies life.

    Good luck tho!

    Answer by SweetPoison at 10:49 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • Thanks for the bump!
    What I read earlier (on Google) revealed that if he IS the father and at least one of the parents okays visitation then we HAVE rights! (In our home state) I was wondering though, if a paternity test must be taken to prove he's the father before those rights were put into place. Probably an ignorant question, but I've not known anyone who's been through this and haven't talked to a lawyer yet. Like I stated earlier, I'm just grasping at straws here and wanted to see if any of you here, knew.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:51 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • I know in VA there are grandparent rights but in OR there aren't so it varies state to state.

    Answer by huntin_mama at 11:10 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • Yes the DNA would have to be put in place before you would have any legal rights. Some States do have Grandparents rights and some don't. I would go through with getting a lawyer etc., to see what needs to be done. I do know she can be court ordered to have a DNA test done, that is in every State I believe. Courts will want to know if he is the father before setting any kind of child support if that is what she is after. I would push my son to have it court ordered to have the DNA test done IF she is not wanting to cooperate. He needs to know if that child is his.

    Answer by AmI88 at 11:15 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • I'd make sure he had a DNA test done to assure he was the father if he was my son. In most states there are no grandparent's rights but again to assure your son gives permission I'd have a DNA test done. Even if the birth mother says no, she can't turn him down for visitation and then you can see the child when he has his visitation.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:17 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • Grandparents most certainly do have rights. However, you may have to contact a lawyer to get visitation. Why don't you talk to a lawyer in you area. Most lawyers have free consultation. I'm sorry you're going through this. I think grandparents are just as important as parents.


    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 11:18 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

  • I know I probably will consult a lawyer, just putting feelers out there. I agree krissy, grandparents are just as important, especially if the grandparents care & WANT to be an integral part of the childs life. DH and I had WONDERFUL grandparents and want to have that awesome bond with our grandhildren, should we be blessed with any. We don't want to miss any of the stages of his growing up. You can't get that back. It would be wonderful if she would just "do the right thing" and bring him over and let us see him or let us pick him up for some quality time, but if she's mad at our son, she doesn't come around. JMO, but I feel she's not looking out for what's best for the baby. We are very good to her and have never voiced our negative thoughts to her. Trying desperately to keep the peace!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:34 PM on Feb. 6, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.