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3 Bumps

How long...

Do you think it will take to get over a 3 year relationship with an abusve man? I plan on doing counseling because he really screwed me up mentally and I don't want to take that on the next. But I have a male friend that has turned into more and I would love to persue it however I don't want to mess it up with him. Ho long do you think I should wait? I'm not trying to jump from one man to another so and advice?

Answer Question

Asked by June_Mama09 at 12:34 AM on Feb. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Level 26 (26,054 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • ~*Awe*~... from the sounds of things you are already on the right path!!! Just take things one day at a time, gain those skills needed to not only cope aftera horrible situation but on how to not make the same mistakes!


    Most women do not have the courage to be where you are, which is a long/hard road... but stick to it and I promise it'll get better

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 12:39 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • I grew up w/ my dad abusing my mom if, u have kids please, don't put them through that bc, I think it affects them more. As for your new friend take it slow and give yourself some time to clear your head. GL.

    Answer by pswiley at 12:39 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • As long as you don't go from one abusive man to another you should be ok. I'd have my counselor help me recognize abusive behavior. Some abusive men can be very charming and clever while courting women.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:42 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • To add to what aadmckenzie said, "Some abusive men can be very charming and clever while courting women."...This is sooooo true. My dad is completely charming, but when he was with my mom???Horrible. I would like to add though that he was not nearly as horrid with his second wife (though they are now divorced). But don't let the smiles and wiles fool you. I recommend highly getting a list of warning signs from your counselor (even something as simple as an anger management quiz, where you see what you think his answers would be, and if a significant amount are "in the red' so to speak you hightail it). Also, I very nearly ended up married to the wrong guy because of his charm. He was handsome, and knew how to romance, but 2 weeks before the wedding I found out that he had 4 other girlfriends!! And, he had expectations on what I should feel about certain issues, and if I didn't feel that way he got upset. BLEAH. BE CAREFUL!

    Answer by ladymomtraveler at 1:12 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • Oh, um I forgot to answer the "how long" part...because that totally depends on how abusive he was, how resilient you are, and what your particular problem is in the first place. For instance, did you get into the abusive relationship because you were raised in a particular style (just as an example, dependent/passive), or did you get into the abusive relationship, find out it was abusive, and think you could change it, or not want people to know...the reason I bring it up is because all these items will have an affect on your particular situation, and will affect how long it takes you to overcome your past. Kudos to you though for going to counseling. Take it slow with guy number 2, and make sure you have a solid idea of what you actually want and are willing to permit in your relationship. Best of luck to you!!

    Answer by ladymomtraveler at 1:16 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • the time it takes. get seminars support readings and stick with the new plan for ever.

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 4:19 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • If you have an abusive man END IT ! He will never change !! Stop giving him chances!

    Answer by avilio54 at 11:35 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • I wish i could be of more help but here is a hug for you. Hope things get better & work out for the best you deserve to be happy.



    Answer by iluvmykidsxoxo at 12:14 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

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