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So does this really make me a bad mother ???

I mean I have always considered myself a great mom...I love being a mom and I look at it as what else would I be doing with my life other than being a mom ...

I have 2 kids a 4 year old daughter and a 2 year old son, I wanted more but I was unable to ( infertility) ... So when the chance came and we were asked to take in my husbands 10 year old niece we did. My husbands brother and her mom were bad druggies , so she went back and forth between them and my mother in law... they were FINALLY proven unfit and lost custody, so we were able to get custody of her ( and going to try and actually adopt her).

She is very sweet and very smart... when she first came to live with us a couple months ago and when we were enrolling her into school ( we live in a different school district than where she was living) she was upset because the kids at her old school made fun of her because of the way she looks .... I explained to her how she is beautiful and needs to be strong but she told me she hates her hair and her teeth.

She has very bad teeth - she sucked on a binkie until she went to school ( and I seen her sucking on it deveral times at my MILs when she was 6 and 7 ) ... so of course now she has very big buck teeth ... So of course we took her to the dentist and we got her braces ( her dentist said she definatly needs them) ... she has even said that she loves them ( she has pink and purple bands) .


Her mother put peroxide on her hair before and it completely damaged it, it turned it a weird color that never went away and it just made peices of her hair look very frizzy ( kind of like it was crimped and then seriously dried out) ... so before she started school I took her to a salon ( my aunt works there) and got her hair cut and we dyed it back to the original color and we also put a couple of low-lights in it ( because we couldnt get the damaged pieces to match up) ... she was so happy and loved it and was excited to go to school.

She is doing great in school, before she was in trouble and got horrible grades ... since she started here she hasnt got lower than a B- and she has alot of friends. She has her own cute room than we painted and decorated together, we have family time and family dinners together, I help her with her homework and I think we are giving her a very positive family life that she would never of had if she didnt come to live with us .


So the reason for this posting is , since we have to stay in contact with her aunt ( her mothers sister) , she is on my facebook ( and we let her visit once a month) ... she is now calling me and making sure everyone knows that I am a horrible mother because " As soon as we got her we tried to turn her into a barbie doll " and that she is too young to be treated how we are treating her , and just alot of other mean things about how I am unfit to care for her ( because we got her braces and dyed her hair) .

I mean I know it shouldnt bother me since this is coming from a person who tried to get custody of her but was denied because of her living condition ( she basically lives in filth) ... and I know we are giving her a great life... but it still does...So my question is... is getting a 10 year old braces ( even though we went to 2 dentists and they both strongly reccommended them) and dyed her hair ( when her hair was already very damaged) does that make me a bad mother ?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:12 AM on Feb. 7, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (25)
  • Babe you already know the answer to this question.  I commend you for doing what you have done.  If something happened to me I would pray that my children were adopted by someone like you.  Your doing great!  Give yourself a pat and don't let what trash comes out of that womens mouth go into your garbage pail.

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 1:14 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • The simple answer to that questions no. You a ret only trying to give her the best. No kid wants to go to school with messed uo teeth, and she actually likes them. As for her hair as well, im sure she felt insecure shout it. I mean, who wants damaged, frizzy hair?
    Her mom is only lashing out at you because you are willing to out her first and do whatever she needs. Which is more than you can say for her real mom.
    Just remember, in the end, she will thank you for the effort, timely, and money you put into making her feel good about herself.
    Don't listen to her mom at all. She knows he messed up. She is angry that she did. And she just wants someone to take it out on.
    You are doing a wonderful and kind thing.
    Mme.Langley

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 1:31 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • From everything that you wrote there is not anything in any of that which would indicate to me that you are a bad mother.

    AS for dying a 10 year old's hair, that's as much as a parent's individual choice as getting your baby daughter's ears pierced--Like I did mine when she was 7 months old...

    What you are trying to do... is instill some self confidence in this child that has been through more than anyone could imagine... and you are just trying to help her feel pretty. Though from your description I'd say she's a beautiful young lady with a good head on her shoulders.. It just so happened she was given careless parents.

    But that led her to you and your husband and family... YOU didn't HAVE to take her in, but you did. That was the first noble thing you did with her... the second is loving her as a daughter. Kudos to you! You are no where near being a bad mother.
    Randomosity2

    Answer by Randomosity2 at 1:43 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • i agree with the other posts u are doing an excellent job dont let anyone tell you differently...i am currently about to try to get my lil cousin and her brother
    suhweetness

    Answer by suhweetness at 1:47 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • it sounds like you've done great with her.
    angela.bouchard

    Answer by angela.bouchard at 2:00 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • Kudos to you! She couldn't ask for a better mother imo. 10 is a sensitive age when it comes to appearance and it sounds like you're doing your best to give her the confidence she probably would never have built on her own.
    ShainaMay

    Answer by ShainaMay at 2:29 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • I think you've done the right thing! Don't let someone like that make you feel this way! You are a good mom and it sounds like you're treating your niece wonderfully! I thank God she has you and your family instead of having to live in a bad situation anymore! This person is just making these accusations because she's upset she didn't get what she wanted! This isn't about what the adults want, it's about what is best for the child and from what you posted, obviously your home was the best place for this little girl. I hope that her parents get clean:-( May God bless you!
    the_kimmers

    Answer by the_kimmers at 3:58 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • why are you even asking? you already know the answer. why are you letting a drug addicted scum bag who obviously didn't care about her own kid, get you down with stupid bullshit? you, your friends, and your family know better and know the truth. and if anyone else wants to believe her, then theyre not your true friend or family.
    but remember, when that little girl grows up and thinks about her yrs with you and school, and family, she will smile, and think how wonderful you were to her. and should be all that matters.
    mama2bof2

    Answer by mama2bof2 at 5:49 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • You know the answer. But venting is not a bad thing. In family cases like this of course there will be drama. Are you court ordered to maintain contact with this aunt? Drop her from fb. I am sure no court order also says visits and fb. Create very firm rules around visits and contact, which I am sure you do already. She can threaten all she wants but family court already awarded you custody so keep on keeping on and go for the adoption. A child needs a stable loving home. You are doing that. I only wish more of us could be as dedicated as you are to her.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 7:39 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • Braces are best to do when they're needed. There's NO good argument for that. As for the corrective hair dyeing, it was to correct a mess-up, not to turn her into a teenager. You should feel completely absolved of any guilt, because you're doing a great thing taking her in and taking great care of her.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 7:40 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

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