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Grandparent issues!!! ahh!

My MIL and I kind of got into it a little bit this weekend. She lives over 2 hours away and sees her grandsons (2 of them) about once a month or once every other month, usually for 2-5 days at a time.
She complains about this not being enough and how "most grandparents" get to see their grandchild a lot more than she does.
I personally don't believe that to be true; but she's a student in psychology right now and is (apparently) writing a paper on the subject.
Keep in mind that sometimes we go and see her, and other times she comes to see us. She's not the one doing all the traveling.

So, if you are a grandparent that lives 2+ hours away, or if your childrens' grandparents live 2+ hours away how often does grandparent-grandchild connection occur.

Answer Question
 
outstandingLove

Asked by outstandingLove at 2:00 AM on Feb. 7, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 20 (9,136 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • my kids grandparents(their dads side) live 30 minutes away and hardly sees them and my oldest dd grandparents live 14 hours away and se her for the summers but never call..my mother lives 12 hours away and sees em during summers...my dad live 1 and half away and rarely sees them due to vehicle issues...idk guess it all depends.
    suhweetness

    Answer by suhweetness at 2:02 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • I am trying to think of someone I know who is in that type of situation....or how it would be if I lived about that distance from my family (we live in Japan...so we NEVER go home, lol). In high school one of my best friends lived probably 2-3 hours away from her grandparents and I think she would see them once every couple months. They would either come up for a weekend or my friend would go there. Granted, she was older and had school, sports, friends, so maybe at a younger age it was more. But if I lived 2-3 hours away from my parents, I would probably try and see them once a month. Us going there or them coming to us.
    ILoveCade

    Answer by ILoveCade at 2:04 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • My MIL (one and a half hours away) sees them once a week for an evening. My FIL (20 mins away) and his wife see them once a week for about 2-6 hours at a time. My parents only see them one or twice every three months for 2-5 hours at a time (two hours away)
    dragonqueen

    Answer by dragonqueen at 2:07 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • My boys Grandma visits them maybe once a month or every other month..we have issues with her boyfriend so we dont go over there but offer to meet at the park and so on but she never has.She has never even taken my 4 yr old to the park just fills him up with junk and lets him watch TV all day :( My 7 month old has seen Grandma a handful of times..she lives 25mins away..I think your lucky that this is an issue with you guys because it sounds like Grandma really wants to see her boys more..
    socalikim

    Answer by socalikim at 2:09 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • Well... right now we live approx 5 hours from my MIL and FIL... (and that's a good thing cause after whatever happened on Easter Eve last year... neither of my kids wants to see them now---and I'm betting my MIL .. I won't get started on that can of worms.

    With my parents.. they live.....approx 20 minutes from my house and on occasion I do go over there with the hubs and the kiddoes and we hang out (two weekends in a row where we haven't) But it's a very rare event from them to come this way to visit me and actually it perturbs me just a little bit (okay okay--a lotta bit).

    But ultimately it's up to you who sees your kids and for how long... and the children ought to voice their desire as well.

    (c)
    We actually moved down to NC recently (though it is my 'home' state). We used to live 20 minutes from my husband's parents...sometimes 30 cause you had to go around your... *** to get to your elbow.

    Randomosity2

    Answer by Randomosity2 at 2:10 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • IF it's bugging you to make the trip or what have you, you need to let your MIL and FIL know that... try to keep a line of communication open so that things don't rip apart. (I have no idea by the way, what happened with the beginning of my response here... my apologies cause it looks weird to me also).

    Anywho.. I don't think it's a requirement that children get grandparent/grandchild connection. But it is nice for them to go to someone who on occasion will spoil them rotten. While at the same time respecting the values you are trying to instill as well as respecting your rules.

    That was an issue with my inlaws too.

    Again, try to suggest that the next time they want to visit with the grandkids (this way you are putting the ball in their court)., Ask them to even.... say... meet them halfway... let them spoil the kids a couple hours and meet halfway to pick them up...

    To my mind, that seems like a decent compromise. (c)
    Randomosity2

    Answer by Randomosity2 at 2:15 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • And it seems fair to me to make that an accommodation to both parties (cause gas isn't cheap these days).

    And I do truly hope some of this is making sense... I had a migraine earlier and took a vicoden and so.. I hope you are understanding what point I am trying to get out.

    And like I said... I don't think there is any one 'set' rules on the grandparent/grand child interaction so don't stress yourself out over it.

    But do give them a call and say.. Hey, the next time you wanna hang out with the kids.. why don't we meet halfway and then the same deal when we are ready to take them home...

    Or something like that.

    *hugs*

    Good Luck.
    Randomosity2

    Answer by Randomosity2 at 2:19 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • my daughter sees her grandma and grandpa every day!! LOL (we live in the basement)...as for the OTHER grandparents, that whole side of the "family" wants nothing to do with her..so..they never see her..

    when i was a kid..my maternal grandparents lived just under 2 hrs away..we visited with them. 3-4 times a year..and it was always just for the day..(always on sundays)...my paternal grandparents lived in austria...so..i never met them..(well..i met them when i was a baby..lol but thats it)

    i think your parents are very lucky to get to spend 2-5 days with them at a time! its great bonding for them! i wish i had the chance to spend more time with my grandma and grandpa..and now its to late :(

    alexis_06

    Answer by alexis_06 at 2:25 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • OK - can I just say ROFL at your mother in law! Seriously, I don't mean this mean, but come on! I would KILL to have my kids get to see their grandparents that much, and I can tell you that their grandparents (at least my mil and fil, anyway) would help me! We have never lived that close to relatives. The last time my kids saw their grandparents (dh side) was the summer before last - and they saw them for 3 weeks. They will get to see them again for about a month this summer. The last time they saw my mom was over 4 YRS ago! My ds was almost 1 YR when my fil met him, and my dd was 2 YRS when my fil met her!

    We're a military family - now we're overseas, but our last duty station, we were in WA, inlaws are in CA. We were 18 hrs apart - first time we EVER lived in the same time zone. My kids, btw, are now 18 and 16 1/2.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 4:17 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • cont

    My kids have a VERY close relationship with their grandparents, my inlaws - because they - the grandparents - have put some effort into it when the kids were little - they would call to talk to the kids (now you can even web cam for Pete's Sake! She could buy 2 copies of a book, send one to you, and web cam read them a story!), they would send them cards, silly little things in the mail from the Dollar Store, etc. My mom, not so much (even though we would call both sides of the family and stuff, reaching out, too.) My sister lives very close to my mom, and her kids have no relationship with my mom, either.

    It's VERY common for grandparents to not get to visit often, but there are ways to work around it. Sorry, I know she wants to see them, but she needs to appreciate what she's got and get over it!

    Sorry, I don't mean that harsh, but she's trying to make you feel guilty when you shouldn't!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 4:20 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

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