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do your kids have a stepdad?

i stay with my husband because i'm afraid my son will hate me someday if i leave. DH has repeatedly cheated and lies a lot. we have a 15 month old. i know we would be better off without his father but i can't help but wonder if it's true that men like him can grow up, it happens later in life, around 30. (dh is 23) so maybe i have to give him more chances? i feel if i re-married in the future, it would hurt my son to see me happy with someone else. i feel like no matter how great the possible future man would be, he would never be enough for my son to really accept.

i'm also afraid of what he'll think of me if i do stay, and someday he finds out all the BS his father put me through. he could lose all respect for me because of that. i guess it depends on the type of person my son turns out to be.

i'm not in love with his father but i was once, maybe we could get that back? i think my son and i are pretty amazing and DH does not appreciate how truly lucky is he, WE are... to have this family. i come from a "broken home" and my stepdad could never add up to my vision of a father. though my real father was abusive, i still loved the idea of my real parents being happily together forever. i did hate my mom for a long time when i was young. i wanted to believe that i came from two being truly meant to be. it totally screwed up my view of love and life, hence the horrible choice in spouse =)

any of your kids have a stepdad? how has that affected their lives and view of you?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:09 AM on Feb. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • My children are still young to have any opinion on this. They do not know that they don't share the same blood as their daddy. We will tell them when they are old enough to understand. I hope that they can understand they were created out of love but that we didn't agree on certain things and I had to leave. I want them to respect me for leaving not resent me for living in a hostile environment.
    dmdblleb

    Answer by dmdblleb at 4:48 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • your son will lose respect for you if you stay. noone else will respect you if you don't respect yourself. your son will grow up seeing what your dh does to you and he will its ok to treat women this way. if you care about your sons future and well being, you will leave. having a step dad isn't all that bad. my dh isn't my sons father, but hes the only one hes got. he doesn't even know his bio dad. when hes older if he wants to know, i will tell him about the abuse. and he will be glad that i didn't stick around for him to see that, and i will be proud to have a son who doesn't think it is ok to throw a women down the stairs while pregnant. gl
    mama2bof2

    Answer by mama2bof2 at 5:38 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • Your son will not respect your if you stay. My son was three when his father and i split. I know you think that you are doing this for your son, but but what kind of example are you setting for him? all he's gonna see is that you allowed your self to be disrespected. When he grows up and begins to treat women this way how will you feel:? What will you tell his wife when she's feeling the exact same way your are now?
    And you are more than just his mother, you are a woman. And every day that you stay in a situation you know is bad, you kill yourself a little more.
    I have a wonderful man in my life now, and he and my son are bonding and that is the type of man my son deserves to see and be around.
    EttaMay

    Answer by EttaMay at 7:28 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • I grew up with a stepdad (my bio Dad passed away when I was 7, mom remarried when I was 10) and he was better to me than most bio dads are to their own kids. I love him and he loves me. He has never once referred to me as his "stepdaughter," I am his daughter.
    My older 3 kids have a stepdad. I wish I had left when they were younger - when I left they were 4, 5, and 8. A year or so later I met a wonderful man who doesn't think of them as stepkids. We don't refer to their younger brother/sister as a "half" anything. We are a family of 7, just a family.
    I would definitely recommend some marital counseling before you make any decisions.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 9:45 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • My daughter has had a step dad since she was 5yrs old. They bicker alot because he is looking out for her and she knows all right now. But deep down I think she loves him and they would be there for each other if anything ever happened to me.

    This is a major decision that you should really think about and I too think maybe counseling might be a good idea.
    mandynjohnsmom

    Answer by mandynjohnsmom at 9:58 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • My husband is my 3 older kids stepdad. He is great and takes better care of them than their own father did. If it weren't for him, my kids would really be missing out on a great father figure in their life.
    MrsMWF

    Answer by MrsMWF at 10:33 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • I have been with my husband going on 13 years in June! So, obviously my eldest son is not biologically my husband's kid... and I would not change a single thing, even the icky parts that were truly hard!!!
    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 12:29 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • no but i have a man to share my life and my kids.
    GlitteribonMom

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 4:13 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • No never had a step dad.
    avilio54

    Answer by avilio54 at 11:34 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

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