There are many issues at play with this child. She is adopted, remembers her drug-addict mom, lost her adoptive mom when she was 3, met her biological family (dad's side) last year and spends every other weekend with her bio dad and bio brother. I know she is insecure and that's why she makes stories up all the time to make herself sound better. I understand that part and I know not to believe most of the stories. When I came into the picture 3 1/2 years ago she had some disturbing behaviors and I think she was trying to get attention. I've talked to her dad about counseling but he doesn't think it's necessary. Besides all that, my issue right now is the lying. Like a lot of kids her age she does things she's been told not to do and then lies about it to stay out of trouble. But, the big problem is she steals from her 14 y.o. brother, hides the stuff and lies about ever taking it. Last year she stole some little tiny dolls his girlfriend gave him and took them to school and gave them to people. Her reason, because she liked them (the dolls). A couple weeks ago she got mad at him and she stole a new coat he had bought with his own money and hid it somewhere. We all knew she did it, but we couldn't find it, so her dad told her if it showed up in the next 15 minutes nothing would be said about it. She got a funny look on her face but it didn't appear. This morning I found it stashed in a cabinet (it wasn't there a few days ago...she cleaned her room yesterday). She looked me straight in the eye and told me "I know I didn't put that there". Well, there's no one else who would! Last time we caught her in a lie we made her stay home instead of going to her bio dads for the weekend. She cried and made up all kinds of excuses as to why she did it and none of it was her fault. Some people will say this is just a phase and to ignore it. And I know she's had a tough life...but I don't think she should get away with stealing and lying. I think if we ignore it that gives her the message there are no consequences. But I don't know what to do. There isn't really anything that we can take away that will affect her. She doesn't listen to her ipod enough for it to matter to her, or watch her TV, or play on the computer, or go to friends houses to play. I'm at wits end with her. Any ideas?Answer Question
Answer by tootoobusy at 9:49 AM on Feb. 7, 2011
Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 9:52 AM on Feb. 7, 2011
Answer by blinkys11 at 9:55 AM on Feb. 7, 2011
Answer by MommaClark3 at 11:28 AM on Feb. 7, 2011
Answer by treasured_hope at 1:14 PM on Feb. 8, 2011
See the section on Honesty/Telling the Truth http://www.cjkidz.com/parentsgrandparentsteachers.html There are some great books for kids to talk about honest/telling the truth etc. which is a good conversation starter.
Try to get to the bottom of the cause (getting out of trouble, imitating adults around them, fear of disappointing a parent, seeking attention, etc.). If you can figure out the cause, it might help solve the problem.
Make sure you are always making eye contact with her when you ask a question, it is much harder to lie if someone is looking you in the eye.
Have consequences for lying and talk about what they are in advance and be prepared to implement when you catch her in a lie.
Answer by momjs at 5:19 PM on Feb. 8, 2011
Answer by nanafor5 at 10:13 AM on Feb. 13, 2011