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13 Bumps

If your husband came home yesterday and DEMANDED a new life schedule for your family, wwyd?

I am a sahm, my dh works full time. He pays the bills and has 2 chores, the garbage and the dishes. Yesterday he was in a terrible mood and decided that from now on our lives are going to go like this: He's going to work and be in charge of the money, that is it. *I* am now supposed to drop him off at work each morning (we only have 1 car), clean our home and everything that goes with that, go grocery shopping, run any/all other errands, take care of our animals, pick him up from work, pick our oldest up from school, cook dinner, do the dishes, help our oldest w/ her homework, get clothes laid out for the next day and other chores, get the kids in the bath and then bed, and then have sex with him if he wants it. I'm supposed to do all of this WITHOUT the bank card. He wants complete and total control of that, he'll just give me an amount of money that he sees fit and I am to buy EXACTLY what he tells me to and NOTHING else. I can NOT run any errands while he's home from work (other than picking up our daughter up from school) and if I absolutely have to go out, I must bring the kids with me because he only wants to work and be in charge of the money, he does not want to watch children. I can not show any form of an attitude and must always be in a pleasant mood, letting him do whatever he pleases. I'll share my reaction after a few replies...

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:34 AM on Feb. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (58)
  • He wants you to be submissive? My husband has more respect for me than to tell me such a thing. My reaction would not be pleasant.

    Answer by zebbiebug at 10:37 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • OMG, I would laugh in my husbands face if he ever made those demands on me. That would NOT go over well in my home. I am his partner, NOT his subordiante. I will NOT be abused like that. And yes that is Abuse.

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:39 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • If my dh came home with this plan he would get laughed right back out the door. He works, I take care of the home, cooking, cleaning, taking care of our DS, but my DH has always helped out when he can. There has never been a stipulation on money spending, I have my own debit and credit card for OUR joint account. If he says you are not allowed to spend any money then maybe he needs to start paying you. You cook, you need a cooks salary, you clean, maids salary, daycare salary, if he wants sex he better pony up the cash. Sure you can pay half the bills with the money he gives you, but you'll still have money left over.
    I personally think your dh is being ridiculous and I wouldnt stand for that.

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 10:39 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • I would assume he had one HORRIFIC day. I would agree to talk to him about it after a cooling down period. I would have him share what is bothering him so much that he exploded like that.... and then talk it out. But I certainly would explode back... that would only cause bigger issues. I have always been of the mind that with love comes understanding... understanding that being responsible for a family financially 100% is a VERY stressful place to be.  I wouldnt like that he exploded... but I would understand that there MUST be somethig more that is stressing him out and I would help him work through it.


    Answer by sahlady at 10:40 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • I would tell him your new life plan, and it doesn't include him if his plan continues... IMO anyway..

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:40 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • Heck no! I'm mean, for our house I do everything, grocery shop, chores, everything, but when my dh is home he helps with the kids, and I have an ATM card. I don't have to pick him up since we have two cars tho. But dang, I would not let him disrespect me like that. You are not a child, you don't need an allowance. That is complete disrespect in my book, and I'd let him know it too.

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 10:41 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • Ok im sorry im not a bitch well i can be .. but im just going to be blunt about this one. and let me get this strait. everything is as normal EXCEPT. he gets to do what ever he wants and you are his slave....
    Were in the abys of heck dose he get off thinking that we are back in the 18th centrey were he man he no every thing we women we have no Fing right at all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    Answer by blinkys11 at 10:42 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • I'd tell him to not let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!
    no one orders me around!

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:42 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • That's abusive (the control, especially monetary). You deserve better than that.

    Answer by CraftingMama at 10:43 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • personally I think to many women are "surface people" (at least that is what I get from cafemom). If someone explodes, and this is unusual behavior, there has to be more to the issue than just what is being said. I think too many people have knee jerk reactions and simply react back with out thinking deeper. IF you married a good man... then you must know that he loves you and wouldnt do anything intentionally mean... but if he hurt your feellings then HE TOO must be hurting/stressing over something.

    Answer by sahlady at 10:44 AM on Feb. 7, 2011

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