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3 Bumps

When one parent is done with having kids and the other is not...

How do you think it should be handled? Should it be up to only one parent when there are enough children in the house?

 
dragonqueen

Asked by dragonqueen at 12:04 PM on Feb. 7, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 17 (4,207 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Really, you have to kind of follow the parent that doesn't want any more, otherwise, how can you expect them to be supportive?
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 12:08 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • You have to compromise. Why does the one parent want another child? Why doesn't the other one? On big things DH and I will keep coming back to the table and talking about why we feel the way we do until we come up with something we can both live with.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 12:08 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • You have to talk it out and really listen to each other.

    We have 3 kids. I really wanted at least 4. DH was done at 2, but agreed to try for #3 after listening to why I really wanted another baby. I had to listen to him on his thoughts about a 4th. And since it took a lot of time, money and medication for me to get pregnant with #3, I agreed with DH. I still get twinges, which is usually solved by flirting with babies at Target.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 12:15 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • Welcome to my world. My husband never wanted anymore than one child. We have 2. Now that I am pregnant with number 3, no nice way to put this, but he is pissed. I have always wanted 4 children, but compromised with 2. We were using protection and still got pregnant. I am still trying to figure out how to deal with this situation myself. I wish you the best of luck!
    amber1330

    Answer by amber1330 at 12:17 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • TRUE LOVE IS ALWAYS ABOUT COMPRISING & COMMUNICATING!! ESPECIALLY ON LIFE ALTERING DECISIONS LIKE THIS. YOU BOTH PUT ALL YOUR CARDS ON THE TABLE & GO FROM THERE.
    darmika

    Answer by darmika at 1:32 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • I'm kind of in the same boat, and my husband is getting a vasectomy. But I agree with m-avi. I don't want this to become a bone of contention and I don't want to force him into having more babies and more responsibility. His main concerns are the hefty cost of raising kids and putting them through college (which he is adamant about doing). I have 3 beautiful children, and I don't KNOW what really drives me to want even just one more.
    misses_nick

    Answer by misses_nick at 12:19 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • I agree with M-Avi. I wanted 3 or 4 kids, hub was dead set against anymore than 2 kids. We had 2, luckily by the end of my pregnancy with my youngest I knew I didn't ever want to go through another pregnancy, so there was NO resistance on my part for hub to get a vasectomy. Even if I did want a 3rd child, I would have 100% supported hub with the vasectomy. I had 2 beautiful children and I have many friends who can't even have 1 child. To go against my husband would have been selfish in my opinon.
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 12:29 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • You have to come to some kind of an agreement if one spouse really doesnt want another child this could cause alot of conflict if another is born. Lay out the reasons why you should and why you shouldn't and see which outways the other.
    Momabear455

    Answer by Momabear455 at 8:15 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • It depends..if the one who GIVES BIRTH (you) don't want anymore, then perhaps your hubby should realize you're not an incubator. On the otherhand, maybe your hubby feels the pressure of providing for enough mouths to feed already and he worries about not having enough for the other children. It's hard to say..maybe ask eachother or individually the true reasons behind wanting another child:
    -are you missing the baby stage?
    -are you trying just for a different sex (boy or girl)?
    -are you trying to assume having another baby might patch any marriage problems?
    Then ASK:
    -will having another baby affect our income
    -will daycare costs go up?
    -can I afford to take another leave from work to stay at home?
    -will having another one affect the attention we are already giving to the other children we already have?

    Bottom line..if you cannot agree on having a baby, then there will be resentment later on...so really rethink.
    psychicRaelene3

    Answer by psychicRaelene3 at 11:03 AM on Feb. 11, 2011

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