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2 Bumps

Do I allow my mil to see my girls?

My mil and I dont get along at all. I havent seen her or talk to her since December 25(That's because dh inveted her over for breakfast). I have 2 girl ages 22 months and 9 months. She has never called or text to see how they're doing nor visit them at all. About a year ago we all lived together do to financial issues, (she lost her home up north ) but it was hell. My dh jump into this agreement with her without even asking for my opinion. Not only did she feel free to bring my dh exwife for coffee and a smoke and talk to her about issues that where going on at my house, but man was she dirty she had 5 dogs and they do their things indoors sometimes it took them days to pick it up(my dh older brother 43yr old lived with us too) when dh and I tried talking about it with them they refused to keep the dogs outside so i couldnt bring my baby downstairs to crawl. Not to mentioned that before my first daughter was born they agree to put something on the stair way so that the dogs wouldnt go up the stairs, because I raised hell when I would walked out of my bedroom just to find dog poop outside of my bedroom door or walk in the bathroom to step on dog urine. Well i ended up falling down the stairs at 5 months pregnant because i had to jump over a gate everytime i needed to go downstairs. Did she ever asked if I was ok? NEVER Most of the time i spent locked in my room alone and with my baby after she was born while dh was at work. When she used to get upset at me she would ignore my baby she wouldnt touch her or hold her she wouldnt even look at her for weeks. She doesnt care about them. I know my dh will be going over to talk to her about some issues they have but should i be ok with him taking them? I dont like the idea she has never bothered to see how they are doing

 
morenarfr05

Asked by morenarfr05 at 1:06 PM on Feb. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Level 9 (317 Credits)
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Answers (11)
  • OMG - It sounds a lot like my relationship with my MIL. I now live in the basement apt. of her house cause she almost lost her home when her husband died. Before movingshe NEVER once in 4 yrs called to check on her granddaughters. She has always treated my girls differently than her grandsons, my girls get a lot less than than her grandsons. Her 4 dogs poop and pee all over whenever they want and the 3 cats pee and throw up all over the house too. It's gross. She loves to start fights and make everyone miserable. Then wonders why I don't want to hang out with her & don't like my girls being up there to much. Oh and her 37 year old son lives with her that a loser and doesn't help her out financially, spends all his money on pot and god knows what.
    If I were I won't bother with her. If she wanted to know how her grandkids were doing/see them she could make an effort. I wouldn't let them go over either because it's so dirty.
    Jessica45

    Answer by Jessica45 at 4:07 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • I would say do what ever you think is best my mil does not and never will see my kids again.  I feel sad for my kids because they should be able to have a relationship with their gma but not when she is a crazy b!tch!!

    TJones32

    Answer by TJones32 at 1:13 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • I would tell DH how you feel about it. I wouldn't let her see the girls until things are worked out and yall are in a better place. your DH needs to understand why you are uncomfortable with it. Just tell him she hasnt bothered with the girls since they were born and you don't want her around them until your relationship is better..and if she wants to then..she can come over for a little bit and see them ..I wouldnt allow them at her house cause of the condition in which she lived in YOURS
    SweetPoison

    Answer by SweetPoison at 1:16 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • Eww- you poor thing! First of all that's so gross & very unhealthy to have the dogs do their business in the house! You dont want your kids around that. Maybe your dh can invite his mom over to see the girls at your place, with or without you being there. (that's your call)
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 1:17 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • i dont think i'd let him take them on this visit. and if you do allow her to see them i'd go with them even if you hate her. the kids are more important. quite honestly you're being much nicer about it than i am, and i'm a REALLY patient person. i wouldnt put up with any of that crap though. good luck!
    Mrs.L.Mita

    Answer by Mrs.L.Mita at 1:18 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • It is a shame a grandparent acts this way, but ask the girls if they want to go and make sure that hubby takes good care of them while there.
    older

    Answer by older at 1:32 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • This I know is tough... cause see... I was in a very similar with my MIL until Easter of last year..

    I didn't even really want her to watch my kids then...but my husband said it would be okay and his dad would be there also and his dad promised us that they would just take the kids out to dinner and then go back to our house and watch a movie. Because my only stipulation for them watching my kids was that my kids were not to go to their house (it's disgusting there--his mom is a hoarder--nuff said).

    And from that time on, my kids haven't even bought them up. And my daughter emphatically said no to wanting to see them again.

    Honestly.. It's your decision as to what is best for the well being of your children.. and not what is best for your MIL.
    Randomosity2

    Answer by Randomosity2 at 1:32 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • That woman would not see my children without me being there, if it was for her when you fell that baby wouldnt be here because she didnt care one bit what happens to you when you fell. If she cared for them she would call check, ask for them so why shove them in her face.
    soraya14

    Answer by soraya14 at 1:34 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • My children don't see my dh's mother either. My eldest was close to her and was heart broken when she stopped contact. He asked me if she loved him. From that point, her past history with my dh of always walking out and breaking contact because she's "mad" helped me decide to not pursue her. I will not allow my children to be hurt like that! I think if she's not calling you then I wouldn't worry about it!
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 1:36 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • I would never keep my girls away from their grandma. Of course I don't have the issues that you do. I would maybe ask her for lunch or invite her over for dinner so she could see her grandbabies. It is a pretty tough situtation, but just as I would never keep my children from their father if we couldn't be together (which I hope never happens, I love my husband) I would never keep my children from his family either. Good luck!
    amber1330

    Answer by amber1330 at 1:40 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

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