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11 Bumps

I need help with the submissive wife thing. My husband wants me to be more submissive but I think it means he wants to be more controlling.

Here's the deal. I cook, clean house, laundry,and take care of the family in general. I pay all the bills and handle all of the money. However, I like to travel and my husband doesn't. Consequently, he tries to use the submissive wife thing and "he's the head of the household" to keep me from my passion of seeing the world. On the flip side, he likes to restore old cars and go fishing with his friends. I do not and have never stood in the way of his entertainment. Ao how do I make him see that the submissive card he is playing is just his being selfish and why can't I have fun? Why do I have to have his permission to live my life outside of his sight??

Answer Question
 
jende

Asked by jende at 1:54 PM on Feb. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Level 3 (18 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • Wow, I do not prescribe to the "submissive" role, however I do know those who do. "Submissive" does not mean "unequal". Sorry but it sounds like your husband wants to control you and that is NOT part of a healthy marriage.
    MotherofIreland

    Answer by MotherofIreland at 1:58 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • YIKES!! That's a tough one. I am the type of person where if my hubby told me to do something because he thinks it's my role, we would end up in an argument. I think all of the house chores are a job in itself. Sometimes men have been raised that way so it's hard to point out that we aren't in those times anymore. I hope you can find a solution fast because I have a feeling that all it's going to do is make you resent him for the way he treats you!

    Good luck hun!!
    alyssamal

    Answer by alyssamal at 1:58 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • I definitly see that as a simple way to have his own way! It's selfish!
    BaileysMom476

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 1:59 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • First, show him the literal definition of submission. Look it up in your bible dictionary, or clarify that submission and subjection are 2 very different things. A righteous husband will consider his wife's needs and desires and she will naturally want to submit to him as the "leader" of the home and family because he would never deprive her of her best interests.

    misses_nick

    Answer by misses_nick at 1:59 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • ~*Smiles*~... whether submissive or dominate... I think that the dynamics of a relationship should be known long before committment is made?
    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 2:03 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • You are right he is selfish, but this trait was probably known to you from the beginning. I have one of those at home too, but he knows better than to try to control me though.
    older

    Answer by older at 2:06 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • Well how often are you wanting to travel? Who are you going with? Can you aford it? Where are you going?
    notjstasocermom

    Answer by notjstasocermom at 2:13 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • If he is truly wanting the submissive relationship to work the way it is intended, get him a copy of THIS MOMENTARY MARRIAGE by John Piper. It will greatly help his understanding of what his role is in all this, which is what seems to be very much lacking. The book is quite readily available and if I were you, I'd buy it for him before this day is over.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:13 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • sounds like a controlling douche. I would tell him that if I didnt get to travel then he couldnt restore the older cars.
    LizzieAnnesMom

    Answer by LizzieAnnesMom at 2:15 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • MommaClark3 - dynamics change over time. I think that would be a bit tricky too. I don't consider my husband controlling at all but he would raise an eyebrow to me if I said I wanted to go on a vacation by myself. We've never done things on our own as far as hobbies though.
    RentaMom

    Answer by RentaMom at 2:17 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

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