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Considering becoming a surrogate mother...

has anyone ever used a surrogate or been one? i am extremely interested in becoming one but i'm worried that the emotional attachment after pregnancy would be painful... any thoughts? i was reading an article about a women who did this six times and is putting her own children thru college with what she was paid, and has a great relationship with the families she helped...

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shilohsmama425

Asked by shilohsmama425 at 10:54 PM on Feb. 7, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 13 (1,059 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I don't think I could do it. There is such an emotional attachment there. i mean even if it is in no way my baby, it's still growing inside. I've thought about it too. I have good friends who can't have a baby and would love to do it for them! GL

    andria82

    Answer by andria82 at 10:57 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • U need to be in the mindset that u r doing this to help people out. To make their dream come true. Also there r legal issues involved in this. U r required to sign away your rights right after the birth of the baby. If u r thinking of all this emotional and attachment issues,then u r not ready.
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 10:59 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • well me & my husband are looking for a surrogate mother
    because i can't have any kids and we try every test and tryed
    inferaliastion and ifv's but we had so far no luck in getting
    preganant in any way iam 46 years old nad my husband is 47
    years old and we live in michigan usa and we would like to know
    if you are willing to give up all prental rights after they child is born?
    and would you allow us to name him or her?
    and wouldn't change your mind we had other couples who had changed their
    minds at they last minute after we had they room done and and names already picked out
    if iy was a girl or boy .
    fischermarie10

    Answer by fischermarie10 at 11:19 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • if i do become a surrogate i am definitely planning on going thru an agency so as to protect myself and the adopting family from any b.s. on either side...
    fischer, i would definitely advise you to do the same, they have agencies that can help you so that you aren't taken advantage of again. i am so sorry this has happened to you, that's terrible...
    shilohsmama425

    Comment by shilohsmama425 (original poster) at 11:51 PM on Feb. 7, 2011

  • Wow, I think it would be painful. I wish I had some advice about how to know if you are prepared for that. I don't know if there is any preparing. I think maybe try and find a surrogate mother forums and/or meet with a counsellor that specializes in adoption and surrogacy relinquishment.

    IDK, I also worry about attachment issues for baby. If I ever adopted a child or needed to use a surrogate, I would want to speak to the fetus often so he or she would know my voice like they would a father's or grandmother's, then I would want the mom to stick around and nurse and take some of her clothing with her scent and recordings of her voice. IDK, I'd make a bad adoptive mother of an infant (I'd probably just try to convince mom to keep baby and have her move in) or surrogacy client I suppose. There is definitely in-utero bonding and it seems cruel to abruptly break that, I would do it gradually, but then that might be harder for mom
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 1:12 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Dancer's right. You have to go into it with the mindset that this is NOT your child. I'm heading into my 2nd surrogacy. I have 2 of my own kids and they are MINE. The babies in my belly when I'm in the middle of a surrogacy are NOT.

    In CO, where I am, you sign a document before your 26th week allowing the IP's name on the birth certificate. This saves IP's from surros wanting to keep the baby. CO is very surro friendly and it is illegal to keep a surro baby.

    As far as doing it with out an agency I recommend at least getting an adoption/surrogate lawyer. She will help with contracts and escrows. Agencies are expensive and not necciserily needed if you can find a surro on your own and hire a lawyer.

    fischermarie10; try smo.com or SurrogateMother.com for you independent surrogacy search. I highly recommend a lawyer for contracts & use someone in a surro friendly state, A state that has PRE BIRTH
    mm_mom515

    Answer by mm_mom515 at 8:21 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • fischermarie10; try www.smo.com or www.SurrogateMother.com for you independent surrogacy search. I highly recommend a lawyer for contracts & use someone in a surro friendly state, A state that has PRE BIRTH ORDER, sorry.
    mm_mom515

    Answer by mm_mom515 at 8:28 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

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