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3 Bumps

Infidelity adult content

My husband went away on work for three weeks things were really bad between us and we were fighting constantly. I got so upset I threatened divorce and left our house (for help because I had just had a baby three weeks before he left and also had two others under 3) I said a lot of mean and degrading things to him during our conversations and sometimes wouldnt even pick up his calls I was so angry. He ended up sleeping with a stripper out there. He said thats all it was, they didnt even kiss or anything they just did THAT (but THATS worse than ANYTHING!) and he said the second time that he did stop because he felt awful but that he was so hurt & confused & he thought he had nothing to come home to. He said after he did it I was calling him treating him differently and he was terrified to say anything because he didnt want to lose me.

needless to say its all out in the open... I dont know what to do. Please dont bash me but I dont know whether to stay or go... =( its been 8 years we've been together and hes never cheated on me.. I just dont know what to do. Any advice please? If you only have mean things PLEASE dont tell me them, im already emotionally a mess i dont want more reasons to hate him.

Thanks mamas

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:34 AM on Feb. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • hugsIt sounds like you can work through this

    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:36 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • if you can let it go and both make changes sounds like time could heal
    miritrose

    Answer by miritrose at 12:39 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Everyone can make a mistake and if you are willing to forgive and work through it, you can!
    ILoveCade

    Answer by ILoveCade at 12:42 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Although it will be difficult and a LONG time for you to get your trust back for him, it IS possible. I can only imagine the hurt you feel. You two could definitely benefit from some counseling as you are hurt and your emotions will be all over the place. He needs some guidelines on what HE can do to earn your trust back for him and help you to heal from the pain of betrayal. There are certain steps that must be taken and if they aren't, you will always be fearful of getting close enough for him to hurt you in that way again. It will manifest itself in your attitude towards him and this will therefore spill out in the way that your children treat their father. They need to respect and honor him and they will if they see you do. I do hope your husband will agree to counseling with you. It is vital for you and he to learn some new techniques on communication and getting over the hurdle of the betrayal. Best wishes!
    etexmom

    Answer by etexmom at 12:51 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Yes hes being great about that, we had our first counceling session last week and he initiated it, we have another this week, and he says the week after and week after lol. hes been making changes in a lot of things hes doing. He tells me how beautiful he thinks I am all day long which is deff different. We couldnt keep both our phones on right now so we share one & its my number. Hes turned friends down to going out to spend the time with me & the kids & after work he comes straight home (he works for my step father so i know when hes off). we havent had a cheating issue before so im hoping its because he really figured he had nothing to loose and I know after finding out what he had done i was crazy emotionally upset and couldnt focus so I can understand the confusion he might of had. He had never even been to a strip club before and his buddies decided he should go to one to get his mind off me & the stripper asked for his#
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:00 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • I have been through infidelity with my husband. We are still working through it-some days are better than others. When you guys do have a bad day just dont get discouraged. It will take time but if you are both wanting to make he effort things will work itself out. Good luck to you both.
    Armywifey8

    Answer by Armywifey8 at 1:04 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Initially I was going to say "leave, once a cheater, always a cheater" but if you're in counseling than that's a good step. There's no way he can blame you for his infidelity though, that's the only thing. It's not your fault, it's his. That simple- you can't live in fear that you guys can't fight/disagree/spend time apart/etc or he may go cheat, and with a stripper? My heart goes out to you, only you may know what's best. If I was you, I would leave- but my SO and I have already discusses if any infidelity ever occurred (even so much as making out) that the other person would leave, hands down. So it depends on you guys...
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 1:12 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Initially I said cheating was a deal breaker.. I told him no matter what i'd leave... but when you love someone you cant just shut that off and go... its really not that easy. I never thought id deal with this in my life.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:13 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • I do however feel that I contributed to it a little bit because I know had we not been fighting and had I not threatened divorce and had we just been supportive to eachother it never would of happened. I know it wouldnt of happened.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:16 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Well, no matter what you did, that's not an excuse for him to cheat, however, I agree that you can probably work through this. I'm so glad you're going to counseling. With 3 small children, I believe you should do everything you can to try to save your marriage.....that doesn't mean stick around if he continues to do this, but it means if it can be fixed...try..... I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Best wishes to you.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 2:18 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

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