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Need advice so i'm reposting! Please!

So my mom and i have had a pretty good relationship. She is pretty good at saying one thing and doing another though. I guess either i'm just noticing her faults or she has gotten crabby! She has told me she is trying to get off effexor depression meds n thinks this is why! She takes every opportunity to throw everything in my face! My 12 yr old daughter is bipolar and is at times hard to manage. She has been hospitalized numerous times and it's hard on us being without her! But she has threatened to kill her brothers and hurts them from time to time! She gets in my face and yells that she hates me and i should go to hell and she wants to move out or kill herself. She has tried to kill herself once before so this doesn't fall on deaf ears! My DD had a complete breakdown tonight and hurt one of my boys and i found my 9 yr old in corner hiding! This pisses me off!!!! So i spanked her! Yes i regret it now but sometimes my lack of control with her leaves me no choice! She kept sayin she wanted to move out and so i told her that i had it and that it could be arranged with a local children's home! She said NO WITH GRANMOMMY! Well i told her that her grandmother couldn't handle her! My mom has allowed them to stay the night maybe once a yr. And we live right behind her! They go over there maybe once a week and she can't even handle that! So i told her to call her since she didn't believe me! She did and my mom told her that she could come and i told my mom in front of her that she cant even tolerate my dd for a couple hrs much less permanently! She threw it in my face about how she could cause i was such a problemed child! Ok fyi we were sexually and physically abused by stepdad when we were younger until i moved out at 15to get my first job and apt! We had a reason to want to get out of that hell hole and a reason to act out! WTF But of course thats one more thing to throw in my face! So i say go for it! my mom and i argue more and more lately about things and i feel like she should have backed me up a little instead of telling my dd to come over there to get a break from me! My mom lives a lifestyle that i dont approve of also and that concerns me! She was wanting to move a guy she met online in house with her n my dad bout bout 3 months ago n he was fine with it! The only reason she didnt is cause she blames me for being so judgemental cause i told her my kids would be nowhere around that shit! SO I'M JUDGEMENTAL! She was watchin my kids b4 at what was supposed to be a family cook out with just us and i ran to get more drinks n next thing i know i drive up n my sis and kids are on levee in 100 plus heat(Louisiana) because some of my moms friends came an they wanted to smoke a joint! This is y i'm worried! WTH do i do!


Asked by harris4 at 1:08 AM on Feb. 8, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 18 (6,449 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • My sister is biopolar and we went through some similar instances as you're going through. I can understand your frustration. I can understand why you spanked her ~ out of frustration and anger & regardless to a bipolar disorder, it can be frustrating. Can't say its wrong or right but I do understand...Also, its good that the other children are in counseling because this does affect them too. My concern is for your daughter's constant threats of killing herself. Maybe she's not taking her medication or maybe its the wrong type of medication. My sister stopped taking her meds and every time she stopped, her anger showed HUGELY! ..Also, this is your daughter. If you do not want her to stay at your mom's house, you have every right not to allow it to happen. To be truthful, its necessary for you and her to work this out and for you to learn how to deal with her. Sending her to live with someone else may make it worse.

    Answer by treasured_hope at 12:59 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Dude, this is not good.

    Is there anyone else your dd can stay with? If not, perhaps let her see just how great life is with Grandma and get yourself a break as long as no strange man moves in. Honestly, I am not sure what you can do with this but your teen is risky for your other kids. Call the doc, make sure she's on her meds and then think again. But I don't blame you for being exasperated...this is downright awful. GL

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 1:12 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • She is on meds and receives counseling 2 times a week one of those visits are done in home as session with me and my boys also.

    Comment by harris4 (original poster) at 1:15 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Sounds like you need to move away from mom. As far as your daughter goes, it sounds as though she isn't taking her meds regularly or if she is, you need to contact her dr. and explain her behavior to him. Maybe ther's another med. that would be better suited for her. Poor brothers shouldn't be living in fear of her. I know several people, through my job, who are bipolar and have families and a happy life. GL

    Answer by Kathy675 at 1:17 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Ok, First off spanking someone who has a mental illness and who is acting out b/c of that illness, is totally unacceptable!! Get yourself some help!! You should NOT be loosing control like that!! It also sounds as if your DD's bi-polar is NOT being managed well... take her back to her doc to get her meds adjusted!! As far as your mother... stay away if you don't approve of her life style. Simple as that!!


    Answer by Crafty26 at 1:18 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • I would be thinking about putting her back into a hospital depending on how serious her suicide threat might have been, and even if it wasn't serious I might put her in just to prove that I won't take suicide threats lightly. What was the big blow up about? Because of her age, I would wonder if it was mood swings due to hormones or if her meds needed changed or adjusted.
    As far as your mom goes, I think I'd be more inclined to just drop it. It sounds like you guys hurt each others feelings. It also doesn't sound like you gave her a heads up on what your DD was going to ask of her and what you wanted her to say. Maybe she'd just got done smoking a joint when the phone rang, and she's now laying in bed wondering what in the heck she got herself into. ;) Wait until you are both calmed down and talk about it.

    Answer by Lornamay at 3:14 AM on Feb. 8, 2011