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My boyfriend's mother hates me! What should I do?

My boyfriend's mother hates me. she makes it very clear. Im not sure how to fix it, because I have never done anything in the past to cause the hatred. She says hurtful things to sam (bf) about me, and is always GOING OFF about my inablilty to be a good mother because I wasnt raised in a religious home. (She is mormon) Family is very important to me, I want my daughter to be close to her family from BOTH sides, and I just dont know what to do about his mom. Advice?

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Sherrae

Asked by Sherrae at 1:32 AM on Nov. 17, 2008 in Relationships

Level 9 (335 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • You have to get your man to stand up to her and put her in her place. In my experience...it's the only way to do it. Remember...be the bigger person always.
    KaceesMom

    Answer by KaceesMom at 1:35 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • Well Mormon about sums it up. Sorry. SOME Mormon people are very religious and think you HAVE TO BE MORMAN. Not true. I agree with the first poster and your bf NEEDS to step up with you. He HAS to or she will never quit. I KNOW
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:38 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • dont talk to her pretend she died already, thats how i do it, i havent spoken to my hubbys mom in 2 years already, and im proud of it;]
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:02 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • Get a back bone..yell scream throw a fit!!!! Tell her if she doesn't show you the respect you deserve for just being a mother then she needs nothing to do with you or your family!!!! Religious or not she's just not happy with "her" son's choice. She'll get over it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:23 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • Don't feel bad, my SO's mom hates me so much that he and I haven't told her we are back together yet or that I moved to his town.....LOL
    Babylove76

    Answer by Babylove76 at 2:52 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • There are two ways to go here. Fight back cause a big rift between the two of you and don't speak to her for years. OR be the bigger person and try to see her perspective. I am not saying she is right she isn't, but try to see where she comes from. Being a mother is hard. You have certain visions for your kids, just like you do for yours wanting her to be close to both sides of her family. well his mom probably had visions of her son marrying a mormon girl. It probably isn't you personally that she dislikes just that her son chose to have a baby before he was married and to a non mormon girl. Ask her for advise on little things about being a mother, non religious things but other more mundane things that you won't get emotional about. she will feel a connection to you more than she does now, and that may help. She can't be too horrible she raised a man you love.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:55 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • I don't mean to be negative, but the truth is that if she dislikes you now, she will probably dislike you 50 years from now. This is why when we begin looking for a husband, we must look at the family, too. You do not have the power to change her mind. You can do everything you can think of, and it will make no difference. It is sad that you did not know this before you had children if extended family was important to you. At this point, you don't have too many options. Sorry!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:32 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • When I met my DH I had never really met his mother. She didn't have much to do with him growing up, she lost custody of him for abuse. When I did meet her, she treated me horribly, always found some reason to put me down. (not religious, she was just a B***H!!) Fast forward to our wedding, she didn't come because she didn't like the way I did the invites, I was kind of glad because she is known for making scenes.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 11:45 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • CONT>>>Fast Foward again, we're married 16 years and she and I are now pretty close. She still makes her digs now and then (mostly at my weight) but I've done and said things that aren't so great either. But we (my DH and I) had to draw a line, she went off one day and acted like a child, I told her that we could not have her walking in and out of our children's lives, (she was bad about "tantrums" when things didn't go her way) and that if she behaved that way again I wouldn't call her and I wouldn't answer when she called. Things have been pretty steady since then. I guess my point is that it can work out, you are the mother of her grandchild whether she likes it or not, she can't change that fact.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 11:46 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

  • CONT AGAIN>>>I don't advise being rude confronting her, but you need to get it all on the table. Tell her that you will not tolerate her rudeness and if she has a problem with something you've done (big problem for my MIL too, she would contact my DH and yell about my "misbehavior"!!) bring it to YOU. Over time things can get better. (sorry so long!!)
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 11:47 AM on Nov. 17, 2008

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