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Is it offensive to have my son's birthday while my father is at home with dementia?

My brother called me two weeks ago to make sure we were having a party for my son , my brother's godson by the way.Mom is livid but since dad is not in the hosiptal, or on his deathbed, but she still wanted the help from my brother for the whole weekend since he caregives on weekends for them.There are other family members. I think she is being unreasonable.What do you think?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:21 AM on Feb. 8, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I dont' think your brother OWES his mother help every single weekend. As far as having a party while the father is in that condition, my great grandmother has been like that for 2 years. Every couple fo months her doctor will say "she won't be with us much longer" what if we chose not to have any parties for the past 2 years?

    Answer by JLS2388 at 9:24 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Its still your son's birthday so no I don't think its in poor taste. If he has dementia he is sick but not dying right? Are you supposed to cancel every birthday or celebration because of it? Kids especially wouldn't understand it.


    Answer by Charis76 at 8:44 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • You cannot put life on hold during this time. Get your mother the support she needs. And see if she cannot participate in some way with the party. Maybe SKYPE.
    Your mom is scared and needs support. She is so afaid of being alone and dealing with everything. Don't argue with her just take care of things. You are what is called the sandwich generation.
    Bless you and Happy Birthday to your son.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:03 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • I'm not sure I understand what your mom is upset about....Is it okay for your dad to be at your son's birthday party? Sure, why not? Does your brother not want to come if he is?

    Answer by Anna92464 at 8:24 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • I too think she is being unreasonable. Do you think shes upset that she cant attend since she will be taking care of her husband(your dad)? Can they both go to the dinner? Maybe another relative can stay with Dad while your mother celebrates her grandsons bday with you? Not sure if Im answering the question lol GL!!

    Answer by Steph319 at 8:25 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • I was in a situation like this and it really is hard careing for family members with Dementia so dont think so hard of ur mom. You could have two birthday parties but kid wouldnt love that. You could have one for his friends and then one for just family members at ur moms if she wouldnt mind like outside so it wouldnt bother ur dad as much. I bet he would enjoy seeing his birthday party

    Answer by Candace456 at 8:27 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Cant she hire a nurse or ask a neighbor to come help for that time? A birthday party is only for a couple of hours. Are they having to travel for the party or something which is why its for the whole weekend?

    Answer by gemgem at 8:27 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • It is a two hour commute and I figured no one from my side comes over anyway except for my brother who is my son's godfather. I think it was more the principle that she thinks it is in poor taste to have a party when my father is so sick. But as I posted I just got back from cargiving for the week and do not see anything wrong with a couple of hours on a Saturday, I am not having a dj or catered event, just family from my hubby's side.The funny part is that my brother invited himself and it bothers my mom that she will not be with him and he will be with us and her birthday is the 14.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:34 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • It sounds like everyone is supposed to stop their lives for your father that has dimentia. It seems as though if the attention isn't on your mother then she gets upset.
    It is more than reasonable to have your brother there for your son's party, and it's more than reasonable TO LIVE YOUR LIVES!!!!
    When he dies, is she going to expect you to mourn forever?....
    I say, have your party, and visit your dad the next weekend.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Dementia is hard to get through but your father could live for years with it. He is not going to pass away in the next 6 months over this. You can not put your life and your children's life on hold because he has dementia. I have seen patients live well over 10 years with dementia. How long does she really think you should put your life on hold? Even if you do cater it and have a dj it is ok. Your father probably would not want his grandson to miss out on having fun because of his dementia.


    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 9:00 AM on Feb. 8, 2011