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Trying to find the "spark"?

We've been married 4 years, and have a 3 year old daughter. He loves us to death and does what he can to make us happy. He's a good provider and tells me that I'm beautiful. We don't argue or fight. We play video and board games together and eat dinner as a family at the table every night.

Sounds great, doesn't it?

The problem is, I don't have any feelings for him. He doesn't turn me on, at all. I can't stand him kissing or touching me. Sex is... well, it sucks. I feel more like his roommate than his wife. There just isn't a connection. There never was. I'm not even sure why we got married in the first place. It makes me horribly depressed thinking that this is all there is.

Is there a way to find a spark? Or are my only options to live the rest of my life like this, or divorce?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:24 PM on Feb. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I too feel that way sometimes. When I think I just need to get out..I think about what life would be wthout him in it....and for me,thats an even sadder place. I remind myself why I love him, why I want him..and I wonder too..if I feel this way..does he feel this way about me have to make a change within yourself..spice it up ..or try to..have fun with it.Good Luck and hang in there ~hugs~

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 1:29 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • Once you find out that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, that there are men and relationships full of crap out there, you gain respect for the man that he is, once you gain respect, admiration may come, with admiration maybe appreciation. With appreciation, maybe the rest will come. I say before you leave, take a real hard look at what you've got. If after that you just can't imagine spending the rest of your life this way, it's time to choose a new path.

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 1:31 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • why don't you guys go have a date night like going to a restaurant and a movie and see if you guys are compatable at all.

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 1:31 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • The spark comes from the things you do for him. Love is more of an action than it is a feeling. It's really pretty much a choice. The feelings are very fickle and even if you find them, they are likely not to last very long. That is, unless you find something loving to do and say for him every day. You might get THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES and read that. Might be some ideas in there that will help you. It really sounds like you have a pretty good thing going, and I would really hate to see you mess it up. Love is so much more about what you give than it is about what you get. The reason your husband seems so happy is because he is doing things for you that he thinks makes you happy. How sad that he seems to not be succeeding, but the reason he isn't succeeding is because happiness is a choice. Your feelings follow your thinking, and it's not the other way around. So start thinking and doing, and you will soon be feeling.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:32 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • did you ever feel attracted to him? maybe seek the help of someone who is a counsellor, find a place that works on a sliding scale if you don't have much money for it, but they can give you ideas, if the man is a good man he deserves you to work through what may just be a mental block...

    Answer by JusaLady at 1:32 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

  • One reason marriage is hard is because this often happens. If you truely appreciate the gift ( a providing , encouraging partner) you will allow that to turn you on. you both need counceling to make it work. There are classes available to make it better in the hay. There's never going to be a perfect marriage so give grattitude for your husband and father of your children.

    Answer by sabianmom at 1:58 PM on Feb. 8, 2011

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